The kids are sad and asking when she is coming home or when we are going to get married again. My oldest is starting to resent his mother a bit according to my mother but I havent seen any signs of this. She is living with her OM and comes to my house every day to get the kids off the bus at 3 and stays at my place till 7 730ish. Weekends are usually hanging out as one big illusion of a family OM and all after she wakes up around 3pm from work. (this would be fine if we were actually one big family which I just can't feel since BD) She is a loving if very stressed mother.
Me 30 W 27 Her SO My BF 35 Three Kids 8,6,1 1/2
BD 08/03/2014 S 08/03/2014 D Unknown? She wont talk about it.
My BF and I have talked a lot. He was my rock in the begining of this Sitch. He talked me down so many nights and was always there. Then I screwed up by sending him some pretty judgemental of her texts and he jumped to her defense showing me how I was being controlling if I thought that and that my expectations just were not in line. A lot of that was true but I respponded right back in a bad head space and we fought hard. He asked to not be in the middle anymore and not to talk about the relationship issues. Hard when he is right in the middle but he is going through a nasty divorce with his ex. At some point I need to be able to reopen dialogue wit hhim but I don't think now is a good time.
Me 30 W 27 Her SO My BF 35 Three Kids 8,6,1 1/2
BD 08/03/2014 S 08/03/2014 D Unknown? She wont talk about it.
No never cuckold. Sexual performance was a factor as he was a more satisfying lover when we all started this (jealousy issues of mine in first post). Otherwise we were all equal in the relationship.
Me 30 W 27 Her SO My BF 35 Three Kids 8,6,1 1/2
BD 08/03/2014 S 08/03/2014 D Unknown? She wont talk about it.
So I think I just dont know how to handle her. She is responsive to calm and happy faux family life. She responds positively to no expectation romance and said it awoke genuine feelings of warth for me but then retreated. She will occasionally slip and use pet names or flirt or talk about sex things before she realizes its awkward and retreats. She thought our first conversation about me not wanting the divorce was a very good conversation. She wont talk about the legal part of the divorce at all. But will talk about child-support, housing, finances. She has said that she will not risk her relationship with OM in order to come back to our M. I dont think she needs to but maybe she or he does? (this is opposite of any stated feelings so far from any party) Steve in chapter 9 of DR has been the example I have been trying to use. Care for her without smothering, invest more time with the kids, etc. I just don't know. Help!
Me 30 W 27 Her SO My BF 35 Three Kids 8,6,1 1/2
BD 08/03/2014 S 08/03/2014 D Unknown? She wont talk about it.
Well Starky it isnt about ending it with him. I would ideally like to keep him in our lives. I am not asking her to choose between us. I want him there like it was preBD.
Me 30 W 27 Her SO My BF 35 Three Kids 8,6,1 1/2
BD 08/03/2014 S 08/03/2014 D Unknown? She wont talk about it.
Saving a M is tough work. Saving a marriage with an OP in it, even tougher. Saving one with an OP that both parties are ok with, even though it is driving a wedge between the two original partners? Yikes, I have no idea there.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
