Watto switching gears

[twinmom]

Watto, you need to let go. I know how hard it is.

Get yourself a plane ticket to Chicago, I will pick you up and you can stay with me for a week :-) LOL, you need to get away from the situation.

(I am joking, but if you do ever want to visit Chicago I would be happy to meet up with you)

[watto14]

Oh twinmom, you don't know how good that sounds! I would love to get on a plane and come and stay with you, thinking that a round trip plane ticket from Australia to the USA might be a little out of my price range right now lol
I know I need to separate myself from the situation right now and it's actually good that my mum has the boys until tomorrow, which means I don't have to see h until Friday for drop off.
It's my mind ticking over constantly that drives me insane, that's who I am, though working with my life coach is showing some small signs, and knowing I can call him anytime helps a lot.
I am trying to keep myself busy and stop the obsessive thoughts, because they're not good for anyone.
it's always darkest before the dawn, right? you just have to look for the light....
and there is light, I am funny and loving and smart and would do anything for anyone and I am starting to see my own self worth and if h can't see that, then he's nuts!!!

[watto14]

So I'm not a big fan of Taylor Swift, but love love love her new song 'shake it off' think it's my new theme song for now....off to dance around my house....

[Ggrass]

If there was a way to come see me you could. I've plenty of space.
Although I work but your welcome to my crappy castle.

I'm sure you have friends who would give you a bed even if only on the floor for a night or so.

[watto14]

Thanks gg, I'm happt that I have some gorgeous friends on here for support I have a friend in port douglas that has said I cam come and stay with her for as long as I like, saving the plane fare now I'm actually feeling good today, I've had clients, and I'm just hanging out with myself, no expectations!
might ventures out for a drink later, but not too stressed 8 I don't!
drive to Melbourne to pick up the boys Tomorrow, and bring them home, that's a nice 6 hour round trip!!
and I don't have to see h til Friday, so all in all everything's coming up watto today!!

[twinmom]

Watto, what are your 180's that you are working on for YOU?

What personal growth are you working on, where did you start and what are your goals?

[watto14]

My 180s for me were to stop manipulating, to to stop looking for drama, or creating it, to learn patience, to create a life of my own.
There are many more, and though it doesn't seem like it, I've made huge changes, I haven't had a single anxiety attack in 6 months, I have not created a drama in order to get h to pay attention to me, I've reached out of my comfort zone and made new friends, I have held mu head high with all that has happened around me.
I have to finish this post later as I have had yet another curve ball thrown at me

[Ggrass]

You sound like your doing simlar things to me.

My anxiety, which I never had before bd, has subsided. Oh and I'm going shopping again! Lol my bestie needs a dress for a wedding. Look out city factory depot here we come.

Ponders about more eyeliners.

[twinmom]

Just trying to keep your focus on YOU

[watto14]

Thanks twinmom, I know you are, and I have been working or trying to work solely on me, I know that I had major contributions to the way our marriage ended up, and I gave made amazing inroads to changing those behaviors for myself and whatever future r I have, either with h or another person.
gg, anxiety is a horrible to suffer and I have had it for as long as I can remember, a lot of my issues stem from needing to control everything, and the one thing I have learned through all of this is that the only thing you have control over are your own actions and behaviors.
There have been s many times over the past few months that I have wanted to take control or think that I want to take control and I have stepped back.
even in the past week, I have amazed myself with my actions, when ow sent me the message to tell me she had broken up with h, I did not respond, to me she was trying to bait me, and old me would have fallen hook line and sinker and responded with something sarcastic, nasty and cold.
It was obviously a ploy to drag me into the drama, as h and she are seeing each other again.
yesterday ow posted how happy she was with h and tagged him in it so everyone that we have as mutual friends saw it also, it was at that point I said no more, and deleted h off my Fb.
H then rang last night, acting like nothing was wrong and I told him it was nothing short of disrespectful.
I sent a message reiterating these points, he responded saying that he had heard what I'd said and that he would still like to have dinner tonight as a family (what a joke) and to talk.
I responded with I'd be happy to have dinner however I didn't want anymore bomb drops, was there anything in particular he wanted to discuss.
His response was no bd, nothing in particular and that he'd ring today.
Going to work on pma today and breathe for tonight