still holding on - 4

[u-turn]

Sorry for that rushed and poorly worded post.

Though I am looking for some advice for this one. (It seems more than a little strange to me to be asking how to handle talking to my wife).

But, if she is asking for me to open up and she said she NEEDS me to communicate, and she is telling me to not be worried about pressuring her, and she is asking to me to be me, and she is asking me what I am feeling because she WANTS TO KNOW, what do you think I should do?

Actually talk to her? (whoa)

She seems to want to know my concerns - but I don't know if it is the right time to talk about them. I see movement in her and do not want to mess things up. I want to go slow and make sure everything is real. (I REALLY DO NOT KNOW IF IT IS REAL)

[MrBond]

Do you want to talk to her?

Is she still seeing the OM?

[u-turn]

I do want to talk to her. She is asking me about the things that I have been avoiding for a while (my feelings).

I do not know what the status of the OM is at this point. They still work together but she doesn't spend any other time with him. I do not know what happens during work hours.

[u-turn]

I know when she says communication, she probably doesn't mean she wants to answer questions about the status of OM. Though I will want this.

I've sent things back to zero before with conversations. It tends to go toward "see you will never get over this. You should have run at the beginning of this". I don't want it to dissolve into that non-productive conversation.

I know we need to take baby steps to move forward, but I still have the questions - I just need to find the balance.

[Ahoy]

I would be careful, u-turn. Who knows why she is asking this of you. Also, is she willing to share her own feelings and needs right now?

I've thought about how I might handle this with my own H if he asks. Maybe I would say something like, "I would love nothing more than to open up to you and share that emotional intimacy, but I feel that right now it might be a one way street. I don't want to pressure you into sharing your emotions before you're ready, but it makes me feel vulnerable to share with you right now because I'm not sure what you're wanting to achieve through this sharing. I stand by my decision to give you the time and space to figure out how you'd like to proceed with our relationship, regardless, and I would certainly be willing to do my part to improve the relationship, if that's what you decide."

[u-turn]

I agree Ahoy. I don't know why she is asking me. I hope because she cares. The jaded part of me says - to dig into me and find out what I need to keep me at her arms length.

I want nothing more that for us to throw everything we want and are feeling on the table. This way we can sort through it all and figure out what we need and if this is going to work. I don't think I am going to get this.

It's so easy!! I just want openness and honesty - no secrets.

I do like the way you worded that^^^. If only I can formulate thoughts like this when it's the right time. I've only achieved clear thoughts like that when I have written her. Conversations tend to not be as well thought out for me.

She asked if I would go on a walk with her tonight - She hasn't done that in months. I do suspect that would be a time to talk.

Thanks

[Eatsma]

Good luck on your talk tonight, U-turn.

[Ahoy]

Good luck! I went on one of those dreaded walks last week. Turns out H just wanted to gripe about his life and work. Didn't ask me a single thing about me or my life. Don't get your hopes up, just stay loose and easy and friendly!

[u-turn]

That's me - loose, easy, and friendly. Just going to let her lead any talking and see how it goes - I guess. I'll keep my questions locked up in my head for now.

Thanks!!

[u-turn]

Not much happened last night. No walk. Not much talk. Not a surprise. Good thing I try not to have expectations.

She did ask me to open up and communicate again.

I have been just neighborly lately and not really sharing anything personal with her and she doesn't with me - she hasn't wanted to hear anything personal lately - I thought.

I did say that she does not have to be afraid to be open and honest with me. We need that to have a starting point. It is what I want and I am not afraid of that.

I didn't think that was pressuring her too much. Just asking for the honesty that we need to make decisions.

There has been no communication since. All of this really makes me feel like this is exactly the way she wants me; not really a husband, more of a room mate / father.