We have been divorced since December. We were physically separated for a year before that. So I've been through all the emotions.
We have been getting along just fine. Living two separate lives except where our son is concerned.
I had found myself settled in to my new life. Quite content. I have gone out with several nice girls. None past a second date but... I'm looking.
Which brings me to the reason I'm posting today.
I'm on a dating site and who do I see??? Yup. XW.
A flood of emotions poured over me. I don't want to feel anything. I want to be numb to it. Yet, here I am thinking of us again. I sent a playful msg to her and she responded in a playful manner. I left it at that and tried to move on. But I didn't sleep well at all that night. Tossing and thinking of her. The next day I decided to send a new msg. It was very sweet and sincere. No response from her. Anxiety has been high for me since then. For the last three days I've slipped into a funk. Thinking of the past. Hoping for a future with my family back together.
I'm a great guy, an excellent father, and to be honest it hurts deep in my soul that xw has never once looked back in my direction.
I will be fine. I know I will. Just feeling sad about it all.
Tell us more. What were the reasons for the divorce? What were her biggest complaints in the marriage? What would she say she wanted from you? Give us the story. The down and dirty of it all.
Hey PW... that is hard, but you have to feel it all, and feel through it. I know you really didnt want the D...but it's reality...something like this was bound to happen sooner or later.
You loved her hard, you had good times, but sometimes people just change. My stbxw did, her father did too, somewhere in his 40's, just turned off...never was intimate with his wife again. He didnt leave (different generation), but left emotionally.
Thing is buddy...you dont know the future. Sometimes things happen for a reason that we are not privvy to. You could get back together someday, after she grows and you grow...OR, you might meet someone so much better for you.
We just don't know where we will end up.
I would recommend doing NC, aside from kid needs, if you aren't already. It has helped me tremendously. Google "loves a game", some great NC resources.
A quote:
Quote:
You must “un-love” them in order to open the way to a new future. A future with someone who deserves you and who appreciates the person you are.
Always tell yourself, when in doubt, what to do – if someone wants to leave you, let them go. If they decide that they don’t want to be with you, then let them go, (you cannot stop them anyway).
I know that it’s hard and feels wrong to ignore the heart. But in this case, you just should. Your rational mind is your friend right now.
Start to “un-love” your Ex now, and you will reach a point soon when heart and mind are in sync. I promise.
Hang in there
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
