spouse is giving you the gift of time - meaning?

[I'mHere]

I keep seeing a post after a posting that says something along the lines of, "Your spouse is giving you a gift ... the gift of time."

I'm not sure what this means.

My wife handed me papers last week and left to live four hours away with her family, and that means that I have far less time right now, because I'm doing what she used to do for the household/kids and at her job (she worked part-time for me - I have a home-based business). I'm pressing to get things done.

Does this mean that she's giving me the space to think about our relationship during the 6 months we're required to live separately? (She won't talk to me right now.)

I know what detach and get a life mean. It's this part of the standard advice that has me confused.

[Jw1934]

The gift of time is to work on YOU.. You are the only thing you can change so take the gift of time away from her and start changing. Vets will chime in I am sure but good luck and follow Sandi's rules. THEY WORK.

[I'mHere]

Thanks for your response. Now I understand. I know that I have to change, and immediately have taken action towards that.

This was a blow across the bow for me. I've been too bullheaded and critical and impatient with all of my family (all of our family members probably have PTSD from consecutive disasters three years ago), and need to give my wife, who's also suffering, some credit for what she's done just to remain standing up for the past three years.

[CaliGuy]

I had the same silly look on my face when I read that .. and I am sure the Vets will be more clear than I ... but for me I have been seperated for 8 months or so, that time looking back on it (I was not DB'ing all that time) was a gift to focus on me, my part in the sitch, what I could have done better but now .. more importantly how I can use this time to make ME better, change how I am, how I handle things ... in turn creating a better me and someone she would be a fool to leave .. regardless if she leaves or not, while the WAS is out doing their thing and exploring what ever it is they think they want/need ... us LBS have a chance to improve ourselves in a focused direction as they experiment. We have an advantage here the way I see it ... we improve with their unintended gift of time.

Hope that makes some sense ... and Good Luck.

[Elsa]

I'm sure it means something different to everyone, but for me it is a reminder to be patient, which is something that I've always struggled with. It also helps me remember that my H isn't "done" yet and that, with time, there is hope that we can still turn our M around.

Perhaps I'm just stubborn, but I don't view this as time to "change" me per se, but I am using it for reflection and a re-evaluation of my priorities. I don't see myself as needed to change so much as focus on being the best version of myself that I possibly can be.

[2Times2Many]

I agree with CaliGuy. It's the time to reflect on yourself, see where your shortcomings may be in all aspects of life, not just the M. A time to improve who you are and become the person you want to be.

I've grown a lot personally, recognized a lot about myself that I want to change ... not because I want my H back, but because there were certain aspects of my personality that were unhealthy for me in a lot of relationships, not just my M.

It's also a time to explore things you've always wanted to do but the time just never presented itself.

And time to find that inner peace that says "I'll be ok" regardless of the outcome of this sitch.

Best of luck to you.