New here and not sure what to do

[Hoju]

I'm 28 and my wife is 27 we have been together 10 years and married for only 2. Shortly after we got married we tried to have kids and found out I have poor sperm and it would be unlikely to conceive naturally. We tried ivf and after that failed we found out that my wife might have issues as well. While we waited for the test results to come back my wife began going out more and started drinking (something she hadn't done while we were trying). About 2 weeks ago she told me she no longer loved me and that she was starting to have feelings for someone else. I don't know if she ever said the D word but it is definitely implied. She has since moved out of our bed and into the guest room as well as stopped speaking to me and avoids me as much as possible.

I'm not innocent in all of this I've been an avid gamer my entire life and often would put games before her needs. I realize now I have an addiction and quit immediately after realizing how bad things had gotten.

I've been trying to follow the rules and just give her space but I feel her drifting further away with no reason to ever return. She is very needy so i'm not sure if space is the right method or if i should try to support her and beg her to give us a chance, she is a good hearted person and doesn't want to see me hurt.

[Zues126]

Read sandi's 37 rules at top of new comers forum immediately
Get divorce remedy and divorce book TODAY. DON'T let her see you reading them
You have behavior and feelings. You won't be able to control your feelings at first but you MUST control your behavior. Follow those steps immediately. Then post often and read LOTS of threads until you can start to predict the advice the vets will give.
Take it day by day. If you can do this for a week or two it will get much easier. We are in your corner!!!

[Hoju]

Thanks i've read the rules, i'll order the book tonight. I just feel without anything to offer and no kids on the line, she is gone unless by some miracle i can convince her to stay and give me time to continue to work on myself and our relationship.

[Hoju]

I've been spending a lot of time at my mothers, is that ok? Or would it be perceived as unattractive?

[Mike559]

From everything that the DB process entails, we can't convince them. They have to decide to make that step on their own. You can control your actions and make yourself into an attractive person that she'd be a fool to leave.

[Hoju]

Last night I went out with some friends. When i woke up this morning my wife asked me where I had been. I know she was out last night too should I have asked about her night or just continue to pretend to be disinterested? (It's killing me to do this i still love my wife so much)

[Hoju]

Update:

We spoke for several hours yesterday. While she is still adament that this is what she wants, she continues to use word like "if we go through with this" and "i wish someone could tell me what the future held". She also hasn't taken any of the steps to begin the separation process, which seems strange when she says things like "i've made up my mind" and "i don't want to get your hopes up". We parted with a long warm caring hug and she invited me to come to vball tonight because she was concerned that the team might get suspicious if i missed 2 weeks in a row.

She went to see a therapist and was basically told that she had to be honest with herself and if she really wanted a divorce then her reasons were justified. This is the same response she has gotten from her parents when she approched them.

I'm so confused right now, is she just playing with my emotions? Is she just looking for my validation that she is making the right decision? Everyone else seems to be giving her validation to end it. She's a very needed person is pulling away really the correct course of action to mend this? The only issue we've ever had is that i'm not there emotionally for her.

[Hoju]

Update:

She just left for vball without me, should have known better then to believe that things were on the mend "trust none of what she says".