Unlearning conflict avoidance 13

[LuckyLuke]

Wonka - I want to end things in a civil fashion, perhaps restore some respect. I am not sure where you see me hanging on to wife's pants?

Thx -Luke

[PatientMan]

What exactly will you be doing that is different than before, but will somehow get you a different result? What is your goal? Respect?

-PM

[LuckyLuke]

Hi PM ,

Different is NVC. My goal is to get some respect during these last months.

Luke

[loualea]

HI Luke

I hear you as far as being civilised...at the end of the day we have to live in our skin and look ourselves in the mirror..
I arrived home after Christmas to find divorce papers had been delivered Christmas Eve.. I took a big breath

then he rang to tell me he was taking his lover to Australia and planned to visit my family with her. As I had kept the details of our problems from them I felt I should at least inform them of all that was happening.
He did not like that.. I tried to keep it calm and factual

but Luke I think we can only tell ourselves we did the best we could for the best reasons

no one else will

BTW ran my first half marathon 2 hours 8 min.. I was thrilled..

[LuckyLuke]

Hi all,

Just a coda to my too long story - I am divorced now as of April 1, perhaps a fitting date, moved into an apartment in the little town here, where I have guy friends, the kids are with ex, but I seem them for dinner maybe once a week, I have a GF, still get to stay with xMIL when in the US for work, am moderately happy in general, and truly happy to no longer have to deal with xW's negativity. I have contact, business only, with ex maybe once per month.

Divorce, while sad, was a finally reasonable solution, and I have come out on the other side, where there is a new life and freedom, really a not bad place.

Best of luck to you all - you have been good friends - thank you -

Luke

[MrBond]

Wow Luke, long time no hear from. It's great that you finally decided to move on. What ever happened to your W and your house? How are your daughter and son doing? How's the GF?

[LuckyLuke]

Hi Bond,

Yes, it was good to get this done. We sold the house at a 50/50 split, I paid xW an extra lump sum, she bought an apartment, I rent one. Son is done with school and has a job he likes. Daughter is doing last year of high school, with goal to study in UK, this modulated by Brexit mess. She'll be here this weekend, which makes me happy.

GF is a long term acquaintance of xW, a single mom, whom I have known for a long time also, so the usual dating stuff is not there. I have described her as 'breaking all known records for kindness', which is great. Her and our kids grew up knowing each other well, so there is very little foreign feeling. I am glad to have her in my life.

Being divorced gives me space to be myself. I have started bike touring again (Republic of Georgia last month, Chile coming up in the spring), have a good 78 year old academic male friend whom I see regularly, do yoga. Mind, body, adventure, friendships - there is space and time for all these now.

The downside is that the kids live with xW, who is closer to their work/school locations. I do occasionally miss them very much, being the only living thing here, but my numerous EE and other acquaintances buffer this a bit.

I trust you are well?

Luke

[Ginger1]

It's great to hear from you, Luke. I posted to you often under a different name. I just wanted to say I am so happy to see you have moved forward, made a life for yourself and are happy!

[sandi2]

Luke! I have thought of you so many times! It is wonderful to hear from you, and makes me very happy to hear that you are enjoying your life......at long last.

[LuckyLuke]

Dear Sandi2, dear Ginger1,

Yeah, the only way out was through, and there is sunshine on the other side. Thanks for all your support - this was a too long time coming. How great it is to be given a second chance!

Kind regards,

Luke