MY TRAGIC WAW STORY PART III

[ItHurts]

Thanks nit, much appreciated. Yeah the vets here nailed it again. She did exactly what they said she would. MAN was she SO convincing! I think she even believed we were going to work at it. Then today, bam...she wakes up shaking and crying. Mornings always were tough for her as far as emotions go but something snapped in her this morning that put the R talks into quick reverse again. I am just so tired and exhasuted from this ordeal since April. Such a long, long road. She's convinced she shouldn't be making any big life decisions right now and she even said she's not sure about moving to FL or not because that too is a big life decision. I forgot to add that she made an appointment and talked with her counselor tonight so something happened in her head when she woke up today...something is so terribly wrong with her.

I thought this might've been it, this might've been the time for R. She leaves the end of September for Florida as it is now so I guess all I can do is see if this move really happens or not. I am glad in a way that she got to see our "passion" together these past two nights as it was one of her beefs with us and another thing she knows would be different. However at this point it's less about me it seems as she knows things would be different with us...this stuff going on now is about her.
This is brutal though tonight...and I let it happen...
so disappointing and I just don't know what to do now.

[T-boned]

((((IH))))) Just stumbled on your post, IH. Read the last few and all I want to do is just give you a big, long hug and not say anything . . . .

[MrBond]

Yep, sorry you had to learn the hard way.

I will tell you this though, this is the perfect opportunity for you.

The next steps are crucial. Whether or not you are willing to follow through now is up to you. Tell her that while you understand her, you will not be fooled any more by her. Tell her that she knows how lucky she was to have you in her life and that you are moving on to live the life that you and her wanted to live.

Then end the conversation. She will blow up your phone trying to talk to you, but don't bite. Just ignore her and move on.

She has to get to the point where she will actually make and attempt at working on the relationship. If she still leaves, then you know your answer.

[ItHurts]

Yep, sorry you had to learn the hard way.

I will tell you this though, this is the perfect opportunity for you.

The next steps are crucial. Whether or not you are willing to follow through now is up to you. Tell her that while you understand her, you will not be fooled any more by her. Tell her that she knows how lucky she was to have you in her life and that you are moving on to live the life that you and her wanted to live.

Then end the conversation. She will blow up your phone trying to talk to you, but don't bite. Just ignore her and move on.

She has to get to the point where she will actually make and attempt at working on the relationship. If she still leaves, then you know your answer.

Thanks so much Mr. Bond. Even though I messed up big time I will say stopping here and reading yours and Sandi's posts yesterday did kind of, in a way, prepare me for yesterday in the back of my head. So for that I thank you both.

Now the problem with your next steps for me is this. I basically told WAW last night not to contact me again and told her to ask her friends not to contact me about any issues with her anymore...to just leave me alone.

WAW knows I've been seeing another girl the past month or so and I did tell her, when I was in my WAW-induced LBS fantasy world for two days, that this other girl complicates things just like her Florida move complicates things...this was during our very short-lived R talks. WAW understood. WAW also knows that I will not lie to the girl I've seeing, I tell her everything because she understands about my WAW and how I feel about her, we're almost still just friends actually because we are going super slow and just letting nature take its course. WAW admitted she is jealous of this girl but that she thinks I should continue with her...she said I deserve a girl with her head screwed on straight. I also have told WAW over time (to make sure it was in her head) that I am applying my "changes," the new me, to whatever goes on with the new girl one day...WAW said "well good for her, that's great...she gets the good ItHurts...she's a very lucky girl to have you."

So I'm wondering Mr. Bond, is me telling WAW to just leave me alone from now on close enough to what you recommended as far as telling her I am moving on to live the life WAW and I would have together? Isn't that kind of the same thing that I've been doing (GAL) that has gotten under WAW's skin in the past when she'd say things like "You didn't miss a beat after I left" and "you never did such and such with me" etc? I ask because WAW already knows that I am in a good place in my life now, she knows how things would be with me if she ever came back, and she knows I will be GAL'ing. She also knows I have a nice girl that I've been talking to that could one day turn into something romantic as well. So WAW knows I am pretty "set up" in my life now without her.

I just want to follow your advice but since I already told WAW to not contact me anymore, and she agreed, if that's the same thing as what you recommend or did I seal my fate by telling her not to contact me anymore whereby causing her to "really" never contact me again. Sorry for all the questions but you know your stuff, quite obviously, and I want to make the right next steps. Thanks so much to you for your insight and taking time to post.
P.S.- Oh and one more positive thing is WAW has my cell number now so her ability to text me is now there as well. More temptation for her perhaps since it's so much easier for her to contact me now than it was before.

[ItHurts]

Oh I also want to add something else too. The WAW did say this to me in an e-mail yesterday after she woke up shaking and crying...
"You believe that we can be once again....you believe that we will have it better and ya know...knowing how you think and how you can see things that I can't...I have to agree that the probability of reconciliation is a def possibility. However, it is going to take me some time to get my head together. I cannot make any further MAJOR LIFE decisions at this time as....you and I both know I have not been making the best of them as of late."

and...

"I want so badly to say to you, "Yes let's just put this all back together again" because I love you sooooooooo very much, and I don't want to lose you to another woman.....but that is selfish. How in God's name can I say that with a clear conscience when I am still so [censored] in the head? I can't........"

[Thornton]

Dang, I'm so sorry IH.

She is clearly not stable right now. She can't make major life decisions right now? So she's going to go through with a divorce and move to another state, aren't those major life decisions? Doesn't make sense at all.

When she says she's f*cked in the head, I would take her word for it. Honestly she sounds like she is experiencing manic depression. Up and down and round and round. And hurting herself??? She needs professional help.

I dunno, I think she's going to continue to flip flop for a while. And I don't think this is the last you've heard from her.

[ItHurts]

Hey Thorn,
Yeah she said that too...that moving to Florida is also a major life decision...here's her words...

"As far as whether or not I am going to FLA I really do not know. I do think that going to Florida for a while would assist me in getting my head on straight. Why? Because I NEED some space and distance from the person that I was/the person I am now/ and to kind of clear the slate for myself. BUT again, that is a MAJOR life decision....so I am going to leave it to my counselor and I to work out.
I have thought of suicide more times than I can tell you in the past 3 months (and probably before that too).....it's not right."

So the question in my mind is what kind of advice is her counselor giving her about this? I have no idea...she could be working against me too.

[ItHurts]

I am also sitting here wondering if WAW is still going to be flip-flopping on R with me or not even now, after I sent her away and told her to just leave me alone from now on. Not that I derive pleasure from her being upset, but it would be comforting to know that she is at least still struggling with R with us or not.

I do feel like such an idiot though for falling into this trap. The nights of passion together she said I love you so many times. That's really what sold me I think. I was thinking the passion between us that she complained was gone forever from our marriage clearly wasn't gone at all and that she saw that. She did actually see that I think because she wrote this to me also in and e-mail after the FIRST night...much different than the words in her e-mail from yesterday posted above...this is in reference to the past couple months that I've been posting about...I finally did get some insight into what was in her head those months that I was posting here to. After reading yesterday's e-mail from her above...and then reading this one from the day before...you guys can clearly see how she made a sudden about face...shocking to me, I know it isn't to the vets though. She really sucked me in with words like this after that first night...

"I do not blame you one bit for moving on...I really wasn't giving you any reason to wait too long. I just really did not expect the court date to come so quickly. I also did not expect to feel the way I did last night. I mean I have battled with myself about the decision to end our relationship for a long time, had a lot of pain, lost a lot of weight....because I knew I loved you....but I wasn't sure if the passion was still there and I didn't want to pretend and cause you any humiliation or pain...so I kept moving forward in my "fog" thinking we could never be again.
Even last night when I came over, I knew that I still loved you, but didn't expect the feelings of passion. It has been so long since you have held me like that and kissed me....I just didn't expect it. Then when you did hold me and kiss me it took me by surprise as well. Everything just came flooding back....but moreso because now since everything is out on the table....I feel like perhaps we could have everything again, but better this time...wiser this time."

Amazing how she went from that on Monday to the about face on Tuesday. This is so hard to accept.

[ItHurts]

Oh and THIS is why I bit hook, line, and sinker too about her finally being out of her fog...also from the same e-mail...

"I'm wondering if we should do as you suggested and undo the divorce and make it a separation...6 months or a year??? Take the time we need to decide if we want to begin again after exploring our new lives??? I don't fricken know..........I've never done this before, I never expect to be in this position ever in my life with you....everything just became too much and I got lost in the process.
But the WAW you know is back....still confused because I don't want to [censored] things up ever again. But I am back and it is freaking me out........I really thought it was over forever.........I was so lost."

[MrBond]

"So I'm wondering Mr. Bond, is me telling WAW to just leave me alone from now on close enough to what you recommended as far as telling her I am moving on to live the life WAW and I would have together? "

I didn't realize you were seeing someone else already. This throws what I suggested out the window. She already knows you have someone else and is good with it. The problem is that the thing that gets the WAS usually coming back is the "implied" future of the LBS with someone else. Since she's already gotten used to the idea of you having another woman,the threat has no weight.