help me i am new here

[helpjim]

i had one counseling session. i am not sure if more or needed. my w filed pfa and divorce a day after taking a large amount of money from me. PRAY for me to win the PFA case tomorrow. She has lied to kick me out of my house. I cannot contact her and she looks at me so cold like we never met.

my w has been keeping daily two hour combined conversations with OM since last January 2012 as i discovered from phone bills lately. She denies to others that anything is going on there. i have no clue if it is physical or emotional infidelity. they both have facebook blocked me and i was never even friends with the OM.

Lawyer and priest say move on. the DB coach says get a life. i see a therapist to prove i am not the evil person she alleges. I have all my friends betraying me taking money not repaying loans. i dont know what to do. i go to church still. i need suggestions to make friends. i am 33. what to do. i need to be a better person for me and hopefully she learns of it somehow through the universe. i actually still love her because we have 11 years together and only the last 2 has she been distant.

[Cadet]

Welcome to DB

I would suggest instead of moving on - move forward.

You can always move on later, right now you need to fix yourself, heal and keep moving.
The GAL does help with that.

Keep posting here and others will be by to help you.

[helpjim]

no change in anything except myself. some days i am up but not focused on my work. or i do work and feel empty inside.

how do i make things great with my W when i am not allowed to talk to her.?

has anyone here gone from restraining order( i never hurt her) to happy marriage?

[helpjim]

w is sneaky. she sold a property from under my nose and transferred another to her dad.

does anyone care to respond if this is temporary or a permanent crazy shift?

still under the pfa but lawyer is the best and can break her credibility.
if she refuses to dismiss i may prosecute her and have her in jail.

im mixed because i cannot talk to her
any ideas

[twinmom]

I would say take care of all the legal stuff and work on your issues. Is your W currently having an affair? You need to file asap because "most" states don't allow anything to be sold/transferred after one person files without the partner consenting.

Give us some more background info and not just what sneaky stuff your wife is doing. How long have you been married, kids? What issue(s) did you/wife have in the marriage, what 180's are you working on?

[helpjim]

hi thanks for caring
honestly i worked many issues immediately.
seeing a psychologist weekly and it strengthens me.
now in a weekly anger management because my lawyer thought it would be a good idea.

i was losing her on friday and saturday to her friends and clubbing. they fed her ideas that being single was better. she also had an emotional affair with a man for two hours a day of phone talk for two years. i think it was not physical. how to know for certain though.? that tortures me? she poured problems to him and said everything fine to me.

she asked for divorce four separate times before filing.
now locks changed, she moved away no one knows where. we dont talk at all per her legal order. i have spent more on pfa lawyer than divorce lawyer.

i had depression and job issues. now with properties developed i had money and kept it from her for fear of a coming divorce. she thinks i gambled it away because i went there too often. i banned myself from casinos the week i was served papers. that was a bold step because it was an outlet for my depression/loneliness.

i hired a great personal trainer and lost 12 pounds from diet exercise and high stress. not good for my hair either.

oddly enough this experience has made me review myself strongly and improve things. work harder, socialize more, make new friends.

what do you recommend i do to win my W affections again. we had a perfect love for years and i hardened her heart. now she is consumed with destroying me. chuck said stay dark and improve myself. will our time apart strengthen us or prove that we dont need each other to survive.

everyone tells me the world is large and i can find someone to make me happier without the venom.

i feel a duty to provide her with a great and happy life.
she and i would enjoy the simple things.

why would you take your H back

me 33, wife 30
no kids
w kicked me out 6/2/14
she filed 6/3/14

[twinmom]

To answer your last question honestly I don't know if I would take my H back, but if you haven't read my thread(s) my H is a special kind of a$$ hole......

I would agree with Chuck, stay dark and work on yourself. Find new hobbies where you can socialize. Maybe a men's basketball league or softball??

You need to determine if you truly love her or just feel a duty to take care of her. My H is sleeping on my couch and says he no longer wants a divorce for financial reasons because he wants me home with the kids. And I know he feels super guilty about some of the crap he did.

I don't want him if he is only with me out of duty/guilt. My needs will never be met. You need to really decide what you want (not just what will take away the pain you feel now) and make yourself better. Volunteer somewhere, take part in charity events. Word will get back to her about what your up to, just make sure it's good gossip THAT will make her attracted to you.

[helpjim]

new sociable hobbies. sounds great.
i would like to find outreach or volunteer groups that i can join.
any suggestions?

Great point, my sense of duty comes from a place of love. we had love that was in the clouds. intense passion. then things trailed down. perhaps her stress, hormones or losing interest in me.

i feel super guilty about every instance of pain i have brought her and i have experienced the scrooges future spirit vision. i do not want to be without my wife.

charity events would be great too where i can actually help. any specific suggestions?

[twinmom]

Are you in the US? My kids go to a Catholic school and we go to mass every Sunday so no shortage of volunteer opportunities for me, LOL....
Knights of Columbus, Masons.....

I shop/donate to a women's shelter in a really tough neighborhood and we always participate/raise $$$ for Step Out for Diabetes, Light it up Blue (Autism) and a local Autism walk (INFEAT which is Indiana families for effective autism treatment) I am a behaviorist and have worked with kids on the Spectrum for over 12yrs so that's why I do a lot for autism awareness....

Find something that you are passionate about.

[helpjim]

I love helping the homeless. I need o do something to get through this. She has done many things out of venting. A lot of court to look forward to. Pfa and divorce hearings. She obliterated properties below value and it really hurt but it still hurts more to not have her in my life. I probably deserve all this anger. I hope she burns through the anger and then is ready to talk and by then I am super condition physically mentally spiritually.

Great charities you are involved in. Yes I am in philadelphia USA. Any more ideas because I can't trust anyone except parents. Everyone else is a spy that twist my words or betrays me