Am I on the right track?

[wmwb123]

Thanks, Wet. I've actually already done the initial consultation. Tomorrow's a phone call meeting to decide on how I'm going to respond to the petition. Make the WW come up with grounds, agree to irreconcilable differences or counter file on grounds of adultery.

[SamIAm]

Hi nmwb -

Yes, you will have to file a response to the petition, but have you thought about speaking with your attorney about working with you to come up with a plan to stall the D proceeding otherwise? I would hope they could help you come up with a plan to do what you legally have to but do things that would maybe delay things and that wouldn't come across as retaliatory.

If you're like me, I just never want to give up hope. I've heard of couples who even got back together after an A and divorce. I, too, am trying my best to wait out my spouse'a A. I will add you to my prayer list and would ask that you add me to yours.

[wmwb123]

SamIAm, thank you. I'll add you to my prayer list, too.

[Georgiabelle]

Nmw,

I'm sorry you find yourself here. Your w knows you love her so I don't think disputing irreconcilable differences is the way to go. I would suggest not dragging your feet as it can make you seen obstinate and disrespectful of you wife's wishes.

Around 20% of divorced coupled remarry. Maybe you want to R and then maybe you decide you don't. For now, take care of yourself

[wmwb123]

Divorce, it would seem to me, would make reconciliation that much less likely, wouldn't it? The affair has not reached the six month mark yet, so I hate to just let the D go through before that. Add to that the fact that I do not believe there are irreconcilable differences. I'd have to lie to agree to that.

[Georgiabelle]

Only you can decide what is best for you. I don't say this to quell hope, however I feel it necessary to toss this out for thought. Statistically, most affairs last 6 months-24 months. Only 5% lead to marriage. I know a few of those 5%. While I'm certainly not advocating divorce (I think it's way too easy), banking on a affair ending within x time puts you in a very precarious place. You need to love your life and not check off dates on a calendar. Think about it.

Focus on your well being. Let your W walk her journey.

[wmwb123]

I know that it's not a sure thing, but I would at least like to see if the affair will end within the six month time frame.

[wmwb123]

The divorce could go through in two months, but the six month mark is three months away. I just would like to postpone it until then so I can say I did everything in my power. I know it's not my responsibility, because she's the one in the affair, but I still love her.

[Tarheel]

I know that it's not a sure thing, but I would at least like to see if the affair will end within the six month time frame.

I'd also like to know who's going to win the Super Bowl this year- I'd be a millionaire!

Just because your W has filed for D, doesn't mean your story is over. For one, start focusing on yourself- try new and exciting things, take up a new hobby, reconnect with old friends...

And two, become the spouse only a fool would leave. That's your best chance of reconnecting with your W, if that's what you wish to do. Maybe she sees the new and improved NMWB and decides to call it all off. And if not, refer to Georgiabelle's post that 20% of couples remarry- I know of one from my childhood.

[wmwb123]

Thanks, Tarheel. The only problem is that she's living with the AP in another city. We never see each other. How is she going to see the "new me" at the divorce proceedings? She shut down her FB account the day I exposed the affair, presumably because she's hiding from anyone who would disapprove of what she's doing. So there's no way that she will even hear about what I'm doing.

I've read of affairs ending during divorce proceedings and then the WH waking up to reality. I hope that WW's do the same. The one story I read was almost exactly six months to the day of the beginning of the affair. I know that statistics mean nothing, but 65% ending within six months is pretty good odds. Then there's the thing about love chemicals peaking at six months and then tapering off from there.

I just really want to see if my WW will wake up once that time period has passed. If not, then so be it. I believe God hates divorce (as he says in Malachi), but I know I have no control over my WW's thoughts and actions. She will have to repent, because I can't do it for her. I care deeply about her and want her to repent and return to God.