I've been posting in Newcomers for a while, but have been wondering if I'd find some more feedback in Infidelity or MLC forums...Here's a link to my previous thread:
My H was on a 17 day trip and just returned on Monday. While gone we communicated mostly by text, some email. I would not initiate conversations - I only respond to things he says to me. On Facebook he would post pictures of places he was going and say, "Wifey, I'm going to take you here some day!" He has this curious thing where he wants to present to the world what a happy, normal life he's leading, all while he's got his married co-worker on the side telling him that she's in love with him.
So....
Yesterday was his first full day home. In the morning he sent me an email telling me that some songs on his iPod were reminding him of me and making him smile. Then he said, "I realize that I have all of these happy thoughts about you all the time and I don't share them with you...." Then there were lots of comments about the trip, and how he missed me, and future travel he wants to do with me.
He closed with this:
"These past 17 days were the longest we had ever been apart since my initial work training [in 1993] and it reminded me and reaffirmed just how much I want to spend every moment of my life with you. Any time without you around me feels like time wasted."
Phew.
A) I really didn't know how to respond to that. Believe none of what they say and half of what they do, right?
B) This SOUNDS like my H pre-BD. I'm not sure what to make of it now, since he told me 8 months ago that I had always over-romanticized our relationship. Honestly - for the last 8 months I've been looking at this man and wondering who he is.
So - what to do with these types of things? I DON'T actually know where things are with the OW right now. He hadn't seen her for weeks, but I think he saw her in their Europe office last week and I know he's going back to her city at the end of July. I don't know what to expect anymore, but from what I've read in DR (and other books about MLC) I shouldn't have any expectations and I need to stop looking for information.
While this email was very nice, he's returned very argumentative about lots of things. I'm not taking the bait and just letting him grump about whatever without getting defensive.
The kicker, however, was that last night he didn't seem to sleep at all. At least twice I woke up to go to the bathroom, and both times he asked me why I was up and what I was doing. I asked him what HE was doing and his response was, "Fretting." That was my word early on in this debacle for when I was freaking out about his OW. I have no idea what he was fretting about, but I do know that the man is likely to be tired today.
Anyway - trying very hard to be light and cheerful and fun and make an effort to not look like a train wreck. I'm also GAL for myself. Last night I invited him to take the dog for a walk with me, and he came along, totally silent except to complain about the humidity. (sigh) Then DON'T COME!
I don't know!! And since I'm not supposed to be asking about the R, I'm not sure I know how to find out...
When we last spoke about things, they were getting a little messy. (Because why wouldn't they be über dramatic?). She wants to have kids soon because her mother has cancer. She also was telling my H that she was starting to feel distant from her husband (she had said before that no one made her feel the way my H does...). H told her she shouldn't have kids if her relationship with her H was rocky. He has told me that he told her that he will never leave me. (Whatever.). Apparently her response to all this was to tell h that she was going to contact an old live-in boyfriend who has recently gotten divorced. H thought it was pretty crappy that she was making him feel jealous. (Mad at her? Mad at himself? Not sure.)
So...the la-la land seems to be not quite so awesome anymore. Work is also not going as well--she has threatened to get a new job (as a personal trainer where she can work with hot people all day long...is this woman for real?) and has told him that she is "infuriated" with him about certain work (?) issues.
Is the relationship still on? I don't know. He hasn't told me otherwise. I don't know what to expect with that. I've simply stopped asking questions and am focusing on me. He was convinced that she was such a great friend and they'd be friends for life. I am convinced the man has lost his mind.
Have feelers out for a new job (more income and stability than my private consulting business). Going to explore some volunteer opportunities in a week when I'm back home. Have started a list of restaurants that I want to try....
Trying to GAL and stop obsessing over the things that I can't control.
