negative voice creeping in

[watto14]

So this morning I wake up and the negative voice is creeping in...my H has finally said to 'let him go' and I have to respectt this but I guess I'm asking, does anyone really rebuild from this, I've read the success stories on here and I understand that I have to work on me, but am I just kidding myself?? Just thinking out loud, any input is more than welcome.

[pilot]

Believe none of what he says and only half of what he does. Give him the space yes. Let him go, no. Detach, yes. Work on yourself, yes. Worry about what your H does at this moment, no.

[watto14]

Thanks pilot, it's struggle town here today, I'm not very good with patience, that's the biggest lesson I'm learning so far...that and I have no control, huge issue for me

[Ben2010]

This is the same issue that I have. No patience and hate to not be in control. It is very hard to deal with things knowing that you cant do anything about it. All I can tell you is that you have got to force yourself to leave him alone. It will get a bit easier as time goes on. Dont call him, dont text him, dont post things on FB to get a reaction out of him. It is going to be one of the hardest things you will ever deal with, but thats what you have to do. The more you bother him, the more he will try to pull away so that you cant bother him. Take it one day at a time and count each day as a success that you didnt do any of those things. He will notice.

[Eatsma]

Man - I'm with you. Today is a bad day for me as well.

Patience.

Lord, give me strength. I sure need it.

[watto14]

thanks ben and mlp, this is a sucky place to be in, I don't post anything on fb, we live I a small town anyway, and I don't believe in airing my laundry on fb, I stopped contacting h first when we first separated unless it has something to do with the kids, I used to constantly and incessantly ring him when were together(one of the issues) and he would respond by either not answering or turning his phone off, which then would make me ring more and so the game began...
ben, really, do you guys notice these things? every time I think I have a handle on this, and leave him alone, he does contact me, but then the doubt creeps in, is it just out of habit, or does he genuinely want to see/talk to me?// aarrrggg...does my head in!!!

[Ben2010]

ben, really, do you guys notice these things? every time I think I have a handle on this, and leave him alone, he does contact me, but then the doubt creeps in, is it just out of habit, or does he genuinely want to see/talk to me?// aarrrggg...does my head in!!!

Yes we notice it. It might not be as fast as you want it to be, but it does get noticed. You start to wonder why the other person is not calling you anymore. Are they seeing someone else? Are they over me? Why did she suddenly stop calling me?

Especially with someone like you that likes to do the continued calling when we dont answer. At first it feels like a relief, but then it creeps in.

I would not count it for more than what it is though. Dont jump to the conclusion that he wants to see you all of a sudden. More than likely he will just be checking up on you at first to see if one of his suspicions is right. All you have to do at that point to keep him calling or coming around is to be mysterious. Dont provide too much information about what youre up to. He thinks that he knows you and when you do something that is unexpected, it will make things change. I can almost certainly tell you that he is not calling you out of habit. If he is calling right now then he wants to talk/see what youre doing.

[watto14]

Thank you Ben, you literally just made me cry (that in itself is not that unusual lol!) Just nice to hear from the male side

[Anders]

So this morning I wake up and the negative voice is creeping in...my H has finally said to 'let him go' and I have to respectt this but I guess I'm asking, does anyone really rebuild from this, I've read the success stories on here and I understand that I have to work on me, but am I just kidding myself?? Just thinking out loud, any input is more than welcome.

Hi Watto, I hope this helps: I think we all go through the phases of feeling this is all hopeless. You are not alone in this. Try not to make any major decisions when you are at points like this. I made that mistake and wish I could have just ridden it out.

I have been catching up on Mr.Bond's story and followed an old New York Times article he posted about a woman's successful DB journey with her WAH: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/08/02/fashion/02love.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0

I got her book this week where she details her day to day journey. The book is:'This Is Not the Story You Think It Is...: A Season of Unlikely Happiness'

I just started reading it and boy do I wish I was as deliberate and collected as she was when he dropped the bomb on her.

[Ben2010]

Lol...well i wasnt trying to make you cry. I hope that helps though. I can tell you that is pretty much my thought process in that sitch. And I am not one of those people that really regrets breaking up with girls or things like that, especially when they continue to bother me about it.

Before we got married I broke up with my W. Told her that she was too clingy and jealous and questioning. For the first week, she called me, spied on me, called my friends and drove by their houses to see what I was doing or who I was with. That of course annoyed me alot. I didnt want to talk to her and just to get her to leave me alone I would have to say pretty mean and hurtful things to her. I ended up talking to some other girl around this time. The now W found out and really lost it. It was at that point that she just stopped calling me or doing any of that stalker stuff. She didnt call me for a week or so after that. I started to wonder what she was doing that was keeping her away from me. I texted her and she told me that she was at her cousins house for the week. The jealous side of me came out a bit and somehow we ended up talking about having sex and she started texting me things that she wanted to do to me. Keep in mind that she was in church at the time too...Of course that really got to me and it was all about timing then. I told her to come over so we could have sex but also told her that it didnt mean that we were back together. Of course it did mean that though eventually. I immediately stopped talking to that other girl because she did it the right way and got me interested in her again.

Not sure if that will help you at all as it seems kind of juvenile now that Im reading it back, but that is basically how the situation worked. It has some elements of her detachment in there and GAL.