Dropping the rope

[woundedfool]

I did go out with some friends the other night for an 'adult night' lol but I doubt that counts.

IMhO, it doesn't. But it is good to go out an blow off steam. While you don't say it (and I am not accusing you of doing it), be careful of how much you talk about D & WAH, be mindful it doesn't dominate the conversation. Essentially, don't let it define you.

I know I need to do things for me but honestly when I'm not at work I am with the boys. And that's what makes me happy. We are like the 3 musketeers and I wouldn't have it any other way right now.

Having that connection is good, just be mindful that they are not totally filling the void.

When H starts taking the boys on days I'm off I will have to start finding things I want to do to occupy myself because I know it will be hard since the boys and I are in such a routine of being together.

Exactly! But try to make some inroads of a GAL for YOU before that happens.

Do you think H is ever going to get off the crazy train?

If I had a crystal ball, I would venture a guess. But that is for HIM to come out of his own fog. Much like an addict.... it may take hitting a bottom before some fog lifts. I am not suggesting you wait forever (or at all), but it could be a few months, a few years or never.

I am getting better on detaching. Last night I actually packed up all his stuff out of my closet and dressers.

Good, but make sure you packed them with reasonable care & don't damage anything.... take pictures of how you have the stuff packed (that way he can't go into the D process saying: "look, she bleached all my clothes, and put them in garbage bags".

And the now 19 year old (lol ;)) can continue with her immature nonsense. Hopefully H will wake up and get sick of her sh!t

Kind of like I posted above... she is 19... that is what 19 year olds do, don't shake the dirty end of the stick at her for "immature nonsense". It would be similar to getting upset at a fish for swimming.

Plus, my gut says she will leave him... not the other way around. I like to gamble: so I am taking bets at 3:2 that she is the one who ends it.

[T384]

I just mean she's been through divorce and she knows we have children. I understand she's young but the blatant disregard for what she's posting is disgusting.

I know I can't wait hoping that H will wake up and I'm not going to do so but I would be lying if I didn't say part of me hopes they break up and H would see me as he used to but I know that's just wishful thinking.

[woundedfool]

I understand she's young but the blatant disregard for what she's posting is disgusting.

2 things....

First "blatant disregard" is a hallmark of youth. Especially a 19 year old girl.

Second, remember her posting is NOT digs at you. Rather, she is looking for approval from her group/peers.

I'm not going to do so but I would be lying if I didn't say part of me hopes they break up and H would see me as he used to

That's quite normal.... I think you would be hard pressed to find a LBS here who didn't (at one time or another) have the fantasy of the WAS coming back on their hands and needs begging to come back.

[T384]

Am I wasting my time at this point? I know I'm dropping the rope but am I stupid for still wanting to believe when people tell me he's going to be sorry and want to come home (not that I would take him back as who he is)

[Maybell]

May I suggest that you read mdu's thread on the infidelity forum to get a sense for just HOW slowly reconciliation can move?

[Georgiabelle]

TO,

I'm going to give you my honest opinion. No, you aren't silly for hoping your h wants to reconcile and if I had a dollar for every time someone told me h would be sorry, I would be a remarkably wealthy woman. We have friends who thought my h had it made. He didn't. To peeps on the outside, it just seems ludicrous but.....,,.

The reality is this- no one knows. Is it possible your h and the 19 yr old break up? Sure. When? 2 months from now or maybe 2 years from now. You can't stop living and neither can your boys. If your h did come back, well IMVHO piecing/reconciling looks more difficult than post BD. That's just my opinion though.

No one knows if your h or anyone else's WAS will regret their decision. Some people can't self reflect because that's like admitting they could be part of the issue. And they are:-). Who knows when or if your h can ever face that? For some people it's easier to *run* and not deal with the situation. However, you aren't wrong or crazy for having hope. I suggest living your life and plan on your h not returning. I don't say that to be harsh, just realistic.

[pilot]

You are not wasting your time or being stupid. Time is not wasted because you have improved yourself. So progress has been made. You have made yourself into a person who at least on your side, can make a relationship work long term. It is never stupid to want to reconcile with the person we stood beside on the altar and took vows with.

Does that mean your M can be saved? No one can say that. Only time will tell. I know that stinks. It very well may be saved, but it may very well take a long time. Longer than you may be able to withstand. Only you can decide just how long and how much heart and soul you can put into this. I hate it for you. I hate it for everyone on this forum. But each of us has a unique yet all to familiar path we have to walk. Some of us will succeed and some wont. And much of it will have nothing to do with us as individuals but the WAS and who they are and what they care capable of.

Best of luck to you!!!

[Georgiabelle]

TO,

I was in a hurry with my previous post and neglected to mention this. I read many threads where people wonder of WAS will realize or regret their mistake 3, 6, or even 12 months after the fact. I think it's a normal thought many have had. I think the reality is that many of us ask, " will x regret doing this?" and don't acknowledge the possibility that this *can* happen. However it may be 1 year, 6 years or even 20 years don't the road. That's why it's imperative that people live their lives as if their WAS is not coming back.

I've had friends who realized a regret at ending a relationship and it may have been 5 or 10 years later. I don't say this to diminish hope. Rather, just to acknowledge people come to realizations on their own time frame. Some never do.

Hang in there!

[keen1]

well stated pilot!

[T384]

Terrible day at work and what makes it worse is I have to go back for more tomorrow lol

H did show up to the basketball game but my dad said he was 30 mins late. I sent him a text yesterday telling him I was working the next 2 days per my lawyers recommendation. Well he hasn't asked to take the boys. Which is fine I'm not pressuring him. However tonight he did send me a bunch of pics and videos of the boys basketball games and told me how well they did and that S3 was player of the week. Not sure how to take that it's the first time he's done this, he used to do this all the time when we were together and I was at work. I am not reading into anything.