Question guys, how much should or do you guys get involved with the walk away and the kids? Since my H left I have told him about all incoming events, remind him ahead of time etc... Well today was my sons 8th grade graduation. He knew about it for a while. Besides we have 2 older kids so he went to theirs. He decided today would be the day he rented a truck to move his office furniture and did not come to the graduation. All my kids were upset. My graduate claims he didn't care, but was giving me attitude and come home from the luncheon and went to bed. My daughter says he won't be allowed at her graduation next year. I will NOT make excuses for him, but I also did NOT bad mouth him. He told my son the night before he would be there. My son asked if he came, I said no I guess he was held up. So do I acknowledged to him that they are upset? or just let him figure it out? I truly think he is clueless, so wrapped up in his own world. It kills me to see the kids hurt. Yet if I say anything I am going to look vindictive?
Me-41 H-41 M-20 S-19 D-17 S-15 Bomb-3-17-2014 Left 5-25-2014
I wouldn't bother saying anything to your h. It probably wouldn't make a difference and he would turn it around on you. Comfort the kids. Love them and reassure them that you are there for them. Let him navigate his relationship with them.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Ok thank you both. I knew in my head that's what I need to do. My heart on the other hand wants to shake some sense into him. Your right though it won't help, and he will only see it as me laying on the guilt. I just don't think he "sees" what's going on. I am doing my best to be patient.
Me-41 H-41 M-20 S-19 D-17 S-15 Bomb-3-17-2014 Left 5-25-2014
I agree with what the others are saying from experience. Even if you were to give him a compliment in his interactions with the kids, he will turn it around into a negative. keep working on yourself and don't give him any ammunition to try and turn on you.
Twisting on Life's Rope Me53 W53 M20 D21 D19 D16 BD 2-2013 D final 1-2015 _________________________ "Dream about tomorrow, Live for today, Learn from yesterday"
Ahhhhh another venting. So since the graduation Thursday kids haven't really spoken to him, just respond to texts at the end of the day.
My oldest son is 19 and very level headed he has Aspergers. Even he is having a hard time with this. This AM H contacted him a spend asked if he wanted to go shopping and hang out at his new place. Son said no, " he was out yesterday and that was enough social interaction". Which is common for him.
Then my son explained to me, that's not really lying cause it's true, but he doesn't want to socialize with his dad, right now.
He also texted my daughter said she and her boyfriend could come over and he would grill. Again H is trying to be nice but my dd is a vegetarian for 4 years!!! Of course I make excuses for him tell dd maybe he meant girl for her boyfriend or grill some vegetables etc.
Then the dd gets mad at me for making excuses. I truly feel caught. The kids think I am too nice, and the H thinks I am turning the kids against him. It's not me though he is doing it to himself.
Just need to vent I don't really have anyone to talk to.
Me-41 H-41 M-20 S-19 D-17 S-15 Bomb-3-17-2014 Left 5-25-2014
Another question?! So if they are all teens. Do I just let them decide when they see their dad. Just stay out of it? He texts them he doesn't tell me anything. Having the kids be older I can't see really having a schedule, or do they need it?
Me-41 H-41 M-20 S-19 D-17 S-15 Bomb-3-17-2014 Left 5-25-2014
Your teens are already expressing pretty strongly how they feel about seeing him. But it seems to me that somewhat like WAS they are going to pull away the more he pesters them. If it's important to you that they have a relationship with him then maybe establishing a schedule will take the pressure off them to respond at his will and give them a bit of space to calm down between contacts. They may still resist him, but having some predictability to their contact with him will reassure that they are important to him and eventually they may thaw.
How you can suggest this to him is difficult given the state of your relationship at the moment, but perhaps your kids can come together to make an agreement among themselves?
I'm so sorry your family is going through this. I hope your kids find peace soon.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
Well 2 of them went to his place for Father's Day. So that is good. Of course he came in to wait for them, tried to make small talk, he asked how I was I said good, I asked how bread he said great and proceded to tell me about his condo and the rules they have. I don't want to hear he is great and about his condo!!!! But I smiled and nodded. Thankfully the phone rang so I excused myself and stayed on the phone until they left. Feeling so deflated!
Me-41 H-41 M-20 S-19 D-17 S-15 Bomb-3-17-2014 Left 5-25-2014
I have three teens as well exactly the same age spread as you. They have been with me now about 2 months. I am letting them mostly set their own schedule with seeing their mother. I really can't force it any how. I will gently suggest it if I feel they have not spent enough time with her. It seems to work the best and they seem happy with it so far. I generally get the same as you are where the wife only is communicating with the kids. I will text or email her when I think there is something she is better suited for than me. Today I asked her to discuss birth control with my 17 year old. I think she would be more comfortable if she discusses this with her mother than with her father. I only broached it since she has a boyfriend that seems rather serious at this point. I di not get a response from the wife, but I do expect she will do it.
Twisting on Life's Rope Me53 W53 M20 D21 D19 D16 BD 2-2013 D final 1-2015 _________________________ "Dream about tomorrow, Live for today, Learn from yesterday"
