Wife is Continuing Affair-When do I Start LRT III

[Train]

Send that baby! (And we are here to listen to the spew if it heads your way.)

[Devaste]

Ok,

Just did the child exchange, and was reasonably upbeat. Somewhat confusing. W was obviously fearful and nervous around me. She is always like that after she returns from OM.

I sent the email and gave her a heads up it's on it's way. I'm scared about losing access to my kids. Seeing them almost every day is the best thing for me, and makes me incredibly happy.

However, I know this I something I need I do.

Thanks everyone for your help with the letter. It is much appreciated. I couldn't imagine where I would be without this forums support. I fear I am not even Plan D for my wife, but the letter had to be sent. Don't imagine I will get a response. I will see what happens.

Cheers, I'm off to hike and GAL tonight again.

Devaste

[RedHawk98]

All the best with that Devaste!
I'm considering getting a short letter ready myself.
Just in case I should hear something from mine soon.

[mdu]

We're here rooting for and support you, Dev.

You totally need and deserve to be someone's plan A+

[Devaste]

Well, that didn't take long, not sure if this is initial response or what, but this is the text exchange that just happened. I feel sick, but I need to stay strong. Clearly, I've shaken her up. Not sure what to believe. Just finished my hike, gonna make me some tuna togarashi wraps, and go to hockey. Comments of course are welcome. Thanks for all the support!


I pick it up when she tells me thanks for getting her back because the kids were tired:


Dev: They went to sleep at 9:30. If you want to hear why, I'd love to talk about it. I was with them for 2 and a half hours. Sorry they are tired.

WAW: I don't.

WAW: Your email was enough
I'm done

Dev:I'm sorry you feel that way, I had lots of discussion there.

WAW:Nope

Dev: Did you see the questions I asked?

WAW: Don't know

DEV: Take some time, there's no rush

WAWIt's not a discussion. It's threats. I'm done with it all

DEV: No threat implied at all WAW. I need to stand up for what is best for our family. You know where I stand, there is no threat at all.

WAW: And guilt laden
I'm inadequate
And I'm done
You just don't know when
It doesn't matter
I am done

DEV: I'm sorry you feel that way, I meant everything I said
Your are not inadequate at all

WAW: Our kids are [censored]
No matter what
So that helps
I have nothing else to say to you
But keep that other email
And hide any cards you have from me before I destroy them like the
others

So that was the extent of that. Pretty obvious to me she glossed over everything else and saw I would not be her friend, and that's what's happening. Either way what did I have to lose. She's on her way out anyways, and I need to make a stand. I want to fight for her. But I have to improve myself. She has to realize I'm not always going to be there. She has said the type of stuff up there before. But I'm not sure if this time she means it.

Any thoughts?

Dev

[RedHawk98]

Time will tell if she means it.
The hardest part now is not backing down.

I tried to see if I could find an inflammatory thing in that letter. I couldn't find one.

Some of the things she has said aren't coming from a rational mind.

[Wonka]

Dev,

Hold firm!!! Don't you dare to go Gumby-legged on us.

W's reaction is not surprising at all. She's pissed that she's being called out for her behavior so, in a snit, she says she's done. You've put her on notice.

So from here and on....focus on the kids when talking with W.

"We are not talking if you are still with OM. Anything you'd like to discuss about the kids? None? Well, ok. Bye"

You WON'T LOSE the kids. It is between you and Mrs. Dev.

Don't worry about her behavior and reactions...it is all on her.

[PeterV2]

Dev, I got the same reaction after I stood my ground a while back. I locked her out of my computer and told her no R talk until A is over. She told me "I'm done." and "We're done" I endured a very icy day. I thought I was pooched.
But the following weekend she came home and told me the A was over. She wanted me to hold her to see what it feels like.
I know our Ws are different, but by making a stand will garner that reaction initially. Remember, she still has the PEA induced brain and cannot think clearly. Give it some time. Things often get worse before they get better. That's part of healing. Hang in there.

And guilt laden
I'm inadequate
And I'm done
You just don't know when
It doesn't matter
I am done

I am a little concerned about her stability. You may tell her that there is the potential for forgiveness and that will over time ease the guilt. You already addressed the inadequacy.

[PeterV2]

Scratch that last comment about forgiveness. This is not the time to start talking about that. This is clearly spewing. Put on that spew jacket. She may just be getting started.

[Train]

Typical response, Dev.

Fact is: you taking a stand for your family DID call her out on her bad behavior. She's lashing out like any person acting like a spoiled, selfish child would. And you did it without losing your cool.

See through her lashing. If she doesn't respect you for your stand right now, you can certainly respect yourself. And one day, she'll respect you for it. Mark my words. Your letter had absolutely NOTHING in it that would offend a person who's thinking with a good, rational mind.

And Dev, that stand you took? From a woman's perspective? It was sexyyyy! There's nothing quite like a man taking a firm, but gentle, stand for his family/children.

I'm applauding you today.