Is OW just batsh!$ crazy?

[kml]

What you don't do, that you need to do, is ASK FOR HELP. Most sane women would have asked a friend to help with that birthday party, given your stage of pregnancy. If you don't have these kinds of friendships, you need to make developing them a priority. You have a mindset that you can do it all yourself (including driving yourself home from the hospital after giving birth, how crazy is that??) and you don't avail yourself of the help that is out there.

Time to start developing your network and letting people help you out. I bet you'll be surprised at how willing people are to help a poor pregnant lady

[mdu]

I agree with kml. People want to help, all you have to do is ask. I've been amazed at how many are willing to help me with things around the house, spend time with me when I'm without the kids, etc. Share your story and folks will help!

[twinmom]

I have great friends but they work! They aren't available to me 24/7 and who the heck asks someone else to help at their kids birthday party?

Sorry, but how am I supposed to say "please come help me run after kids at my son's party but don't forget to leave your kids with a babysitter" kinda rude.... so I just suck it up do what I have to and break down later in private.

And THERE IS NO WAY IN H$@@ I WILL EVER PLAY A SYMPATHY CARD to have someone do something for me. I have asked my mom for help, it created more work/trip to the hospital for me.
I will not ask H for help.
Sometimes I ask friends for help but they are not my babysitters/maids/handy man. There is a huge difference in a friend being there when you need to cry and coming over to cut the grass for you.

[Maybell]

I think you're making a mistake if you don't lean on your friends during this time. It's not playing the pity card -- when I've been asked for help before BD I've never hesitated to do what I could because that's what friends do for one another. I would be hurt if I had a friend in your situation and she didn't ask for help. Like she didn't trust that I really cared about her.

I have lived in my current state only 18 months -- in fact, H started the A before I even left the west coast with our three kids -- but people have been very, very compassionate about my sitch, even when I limit what I share for my own privacy. People are better than we might believe when we've been betrayed. Part of GAL, I think, is giving yourself the opportunity to be reminded that the whole world won't treat us as our spouses did.

That said, it's really, really crappy that none of your guests's parents took the time to see that you needed the help and stuck around to give you a hand.

[kml]

who the heck asks someone else to help at their kids birthday party?

Ummmm.....everyone who has a good girlfriend and is in a pickle like yours! MY best friend has asked me to help with some of her son's parties when her brain-injured husband went into a nursing home.

how am I supposed to say "please come help me run after kids at my son's party but don't forget to leave your kids with a babysitter" kinda rude

You let them bring their kids to the party if they are helping you out.

And THERE IS NO WAY IN H$@@ I WILL EVER PLAY A SYMPATHY CARD to have someone do something for me

See - this is an issue you have. You won't let yourself appear weak or in need of anything. I understand this - I tend to deny my own needs and do this too. But you've got it bad, sister, and you have to learn to let others help you. Not everyone is going to be a disappointment the way your mother and spouse have been.

There is a huge difference in a friend being there when you need to cry and coming over to cut the grass for you.

Ummm....yeah... there is. Because it's EASY to sit around and bitch with you, but only a REAL FRIEND would cut your grass for you. Are you telling me if your best friend had cancer you wouldn't go over and cut her grass????

[mishka422]

And not to pile on but.....you have a 13 year old son. Shouldn't he be cutting the grass? I'm just sayin'....

Please, please, please listen to kml. She is VERY wise and full of great advice.

Are you not going to IC now?

[twinmom]

My 13yr old isn't tall/strong enough to push the mower. My ex is 6'2 but my kids are tiny (13yr old wears size 10 pants)

[GetHapy]

Twinmom- I have read your posts and I have to tell you how impressed I am. You are a very strong woman and from what I can tell- a great mom. You deserve the best out of life and so do your children. I hope you remember to see your true worth- no matter how your H has treated/treats you. It is his loss! Your children are very lucky to have you.

[zew]

Hate to pile on, BUT...

I used to subscribe to the "I can do it all by myself" theory, and I still take great pride in my independence, BUT,

Recently I reached out to my neighbor with an issue related to this, and he jumped right in. He was more help than I could have ever known. We're from different hemispheres, but he related a story to me from his past that was so much like my own that he said it brought painful memories back just talking about it.

He and his wife are fully pulling for me and my W to R. He checks in weekly to see if there is anything he can do (like invite us over as a couple).

The message here - generally, people want to help out. It makes them feel good. A big thing you could learn here, twinmom, is that it is ok to be a little vulnerable. You don't have to do this all by yourself. It really is ok to be less than perfect and to have to rely on others now and then.

You'll find it takes an enormous load off.

[twinmom]

Well I don't have to worry about that too much longer, water broke this afternoon so I am at the hospital. Lilly should be here sometime early tomorrow morning or so.

I sent H a text to come get the twins and when he did he talked me into letting him take me and be here. I guess I melt easily in lots of pain and him telling me he is sorry.