I haven't posted in a while but I wanted to update I just found out she is talking to a man she flirted with a year and a half ago. Back then it was just friendly.
So all this time she has been hiding the fact she is talking to him (she has only seen him physically twice in the past 3 months) but I have proof.
She knows I suspect and I am tempted to approach her.
Me: 37, WAW 33, M 13 years Kids: Boy: 4, Girl: 8 Separated: 10/24/13 DB since: 12/14/13 Big D talk started: 1/1/14 (Not served yet) Still living together/Separate rooms
Approach her about what? "Talking" to another man?
Unless and until you have definitive proof that she's having either an emotional affair (EA) or a physical affair (PA) I would NOT bring it up. There's a good chance this IS an EA, but it doesn't sound like you have any proof? Have you seen/heard the content of their conversations?
I read your previous thread. It sounds like you've tried the "Mr. Nice Guy" approach with the bubble-baths and all, and supplicating her. I suggest you try a different approach, especially now that you know this new information.
I have proof that is PA 100% proof. No assumption anymore.
Debating about next steps now...
Me: 37, WAW 33, M 13 years Kids: Boy: 4, Girl: 8 Separated: 10/24/13 DB since: 12/14/13 Big D talk started: 1/1/14 (Not served yet) Still living together/Separate rooms
Is the OM married? What proof do you have? It's hard to advise you without knowing what your dealing with.
If you read my posts, I'm not one to ever suggest burying your head in the sand to what's going on around you, nor do I suggest "pretending" you don't know about an affair when you have proof. That said, before I can offer help, I'd need to understand more.
He used to work for me almost 1.5 years ago. She started to be too friendly with him (not romantic) while she worked with me. I found it, confronted her and she stopped. Back then I also texted him nicely saying i respect him and to please cease contacting my wife. I know he left the country for 6 months and then he got a job 3 hrs from where we live. As far as I know they did stop communication but my guess is move he settled they may have continued and it grew more once she saw the opportunity and excuse to call it quits with me
Now that we separated she has been hiding the fact he is a prime reason for our separation and her calling divorce.
He is single, 26 years old and she is 33. I saw where he told her he was hesitant to be the rebound guy(he told her he didn't want to be serious to soon) because he knows this will not be blessed by God. He affirmed that they started while we were still married, and not separated.
Me: 37, WAW 33, M 13 years Kids: Boy: 4, Girl: 8 Separated: 10/24/13 DB since: 12/14/13 Big D talk started: 1/1/14 (Not served yet) Still living together/Separate rooms
I have chat conversation transcripts of them talking about their encounters
Me: 37, WAW 33, M 13 years Kids: Boy: 4, Girl: 8 Separated: 10/24/13 DB since: 12/14/13 Big D talk started: 1/1/14 (Not served yet) Still living together/Separate rooms
What is the two of yours understanding re: "dating" now that you consider yourselves "separated?" (although living in the same house) Was there any agreement reached?
If you agreed that you would each remain faithful during this period, I would have a different kind of advice than if you didn't, or if there's really just sort of a "fuzzy" understanding in place.
WHATEVER you do, do NOT reveal the source of your intel! Ever. Ever. It is a valuable source of information for you as you go forward, whether it's cues on how you can improve yourself and re-attract your wife or whether it's getting a heads-up on any legal or financial threats that could damage your family. There is much power in her NOT knowing what you know and what you don't know, or how you know it (more on that later).
But every time we brought the marriage up, she would always say she did not have another man. She said she was not looking to rely in someone for her happiness. She said she was gonna be single.
All this time she was making me feel it was all me. That she can't trust I won't go back to focus more on work and act selfish, (my old ways). In fact, I have dramatically changed these past 6 months. And I was curious why she wasn't changing her mind. Now I know why.
Me: 37, WAW 33, M 13 years Kids: Boy: 4, Girl: 8 Separated: 10/24/13 DB since: 12/14/13 Big D talk started: 1/1/14 (Not served yet) Still living together/Separate rooms
Me: 37, WAW 33, M 13 years Kids: Boy: 4, Girl: 8 Separated: 10/24/13 DB since: 12/14/13 Big D talk started: 1/1/14 (Not served yet) Still living together/Separate rooms
If you two never actually agreed on anything vis-a-vis dating while you were separated, I would merely wait until the next time she brings up in conversation something about "I wouldn't want to be with anyone else right now," or "I'm not seeing anyone else right now." Then I would put my hand up and say "PLEASE STOP IT. We both know you're lying to me right now, and it's incredibly disrespectful to me, to our marriage and to our family. I know all about you and ________ , and I'm no longer going to stand here and listen to you lie straight to my face. When you're ready to deal with our issues truthfully -- and I would hope that even if we divorce, we would continue to teach our kids the importance of families telling the truth at all times -- then we can have a conversation."
Until she actually ASKS BACK INTO THE MARRIAGE, there's not really much more you can do other than not allow her to lie to your face anymore.
It would also be perfectly reasonable to let her know "I have decided that I'm no longer willing to lie to cover up your affair."
