Mature Love only comes after decades together. After weathering many of life's trials and tribulations together. That's what I refuse to give up on. And that's what I'm standing for.
Google this song for a listen. I dare you to tell me you didn't shed a happy tear...
"Remember When" by Alan Jackson
Remember when I was young and so were you and time stood still and love was all we knew You were the first, so was I We made love and then you cried Remember when
Remember when we vowed the vows and walked the walk Gave our hearts, made the start, it was hard We lived and learned, life threw curves There was joy, there was hurt Remember when
Remember when old ones died and new were born And life was changed, disassembled, rearranged We came together, fell apart And broke each other's hearts Remember when
Remember when the sound of little feet was the music We danced to week to week Brought back the love, we found trust Vowed we'd never give it up Remember when
Remember when thirty seemed so old Now lookn' back it's just a steppin' stone To where we are, Where we've been Said we'd do it all again Remember when Remember when we said when we turned gray When the children grow up and move away We won't be sad, we'll be glad For all the life we've had And we'll remember when
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Here are my concerns. As much as you love your wife, you have to stand for the right reasons.
My reasons:
#1 I still believe we can and will have a M that most could only dream of. Actually, I believe we have much of that now.
#2 I said this >>> "For better or for worse, 'til death do us part"
What do these words mean to you? I don't take my vows lightly. Why do we as humans still say these words, every day, when so many renege on them? I refuse to do that. If W wants to bail, OK, that's on her.
Quote:
It should never be at the cost of you. It should never be out of fear of what may or may not happen with someone else.
Words of wisdom. I haven't spent myself yet.
Last edited by ForeverYoung; 05/26/1405:59 AM.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Great song. Thank you FY. Your posts mean more to some of us than you know. I'm the offender in our sitch and your reasons ^^^^ was once what my W believed. Oh so many regrets I cry over. Again, thank you for your posts and please don't stop as the little hope I have I place before God and He always seems to lead me to read your thread at low times.
W-37 Me-37 M-16yrs & 5days W "Done" Day = Valentine Day 2014 D-8/13/2014 S16 S13 S11 D8
Love the song and everything you answered above is exactly how I feel. I believe in the possibility of a beautiful relationship and I meant those vows when I said them. Just reading your words above and reaffirming my agreement with them has given me strength.
Me 41 H 40 M 20 T 23 S 19,16, 8 D 13 BD1 dec 2012 not sure going to work BD2 sep 2013 seeking a D Filed oct 2013, D Feb 2015 Life is about daring greatly, about being in the arena- Brene Brown
Had another good weekend. Saturday night I went out with buddies to watch the UFC. Good times.
Sunday W spent much of the day cleaning our kitchen, while listening to stand up comedy routines and laughing her butt off. I was busy with my own chores. She played a few for me when we were together that had me rolling on the floor in tears. Good times.
Today her and I worked on weeding/mulching our yard together. Great teamwork. (but we ran out of mulch... D'oh!)
I continue to touch her / ask for touch, when appropriate. No big breakthroughs, but I haven't been shot down either. We are still getting along great in all other area's.
We all go through some difficult moments, myself included. The trick is to not get stuck there... life is too short for that. I like to remind myself that feeling content/happy is all about perspective. We always have the power to make that choice.
Jack 3 beans told us that if our spouse is worth it, we should not give up on them. My W is worth all the best that I have.
Last edited by ForeverYoung; 05/27/1402:42 AM.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Even though we get along well, W is not interested in a physical relationship with me. I know it is possible for this to change, and hope that it does, but the fact is it may not. I don't know how long I can wait for something that may never happen.
And I responded to that. And then you wrote the following to me.
Originally Posted By: ForeverYoung
[quote=UR]
#2 I said this >>> "For better or for worse, 'til death do us part"
What do these words mean to you? I don't take my vows lightly. Why do we as humans still say these words, every day, when so many renege on them? I refuse to do that. If W wants to bail, OK, that's on her.
You ask what did those words mean to me? I will tell you. They meant that I stood for three years during which time I watched my h carry on an affair. I knew he slept with her on my 25th wedding anniversary. I saw him leave our son on holidays to be with her. I found that he depleted our life savings.
He did not work in the backyard with me. Share his day. Go on vacation with me. He did not do chores with me and go to the movies with me. What he did do was break my heart, over and over and over again.
But I took those vows and I meant them with all my heart. And I lived them everyday until I could not anymore. Because if I did, there would be no me left.
I was no longer willing to stand at the expense of me. I mattered, too.
I do not regret that I stood. I do not regret that I stood for me.
You and I have had this discussion before. Every sitch is different. I would not and have not ever judged anyone for their actions or their committment. I cannot know anyone's pain.
Be careful with your words, FY. Be careful not to judge what you do not know about.
Here are my concerns. As much as you love your wife, you have to stand for the right reasons.
My reasons:
#1 I still believe we can and will have a M that most could only dream of. Actually, I believe we have much of that now.
#2 I said this >>> "For better or for worse, 'til death do us part"
What do these words mean to you? I don't take my vows lightly. Why do we as humans still say these words, every day, when so many renege on them? I refuse to do that. If W wants to bail, OK, that's on her.
Did you mean this (bolded) with the insult and disrespect that it comes across with ?????
I gotta say, that I was insulted by this statement from you..
And I am not sure if you were directing this at UR or not, yet I will say that it came through as you lashing out directly to her....
I dont post to you because honestly, reading your posts often turns my stomach. For me i feel like i am watching a snake waiting for the right time to strike when reading about your interactions with your W.
What you said to UR was not only insulting but insinuated that your moral compass was stronger or better than hers (or others here) because you are still standing for your W.
Personally, i dont know if standing for sex is the same thing as standing for your vows.
And one last thing, I happen to be very close personal friends with Mr. 3beans. You are taking one line in one of his thousands of posts a bit out of context.
Jack, didnt stand at the expense of himself. He understood the difference. UR understands the difference. Do you?
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
I think you opened your big mouth and said something really stupid when I first read your comment yesterday. I thought...oh boy, isn't he gonna hear it from uRW!! uRW has articulated her position quite eloquently in her own spirited defense. However, I feel very strongly that Cat went a bit too far in calling you a snake the grass.
I think you've done an admirable job of standing. With that said, I am in agreement that uRW asked very valid questions in order to get you to dig deep on the merits of standing. When will it be far enough at your own expense? It is a personal choice for each person here.
Personally, i dont know if standing for sex is the same thing as standing for your vows.
That's some harsh words Cat. Not sure if that was necessary.
FY, it's obvious to me that you love your wife. I think that's fairly clear.
But, maybe all this hubbub (how defensive you were with Ur) means it's time in your journey to reevaluate your position? Time to take inventory, as it were?
Maybe the stuff coming up on the boards is really just a symptom of some stirrings in your heart...some questions you may be having yourself?
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
