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#2454504 05/22/14 11:39 PM
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Hello all, been reading for quite a while and finally got the nerve to write...my story in a nut shell (it may be a big shell lol ). On December 29th my wife dropped the hammer on me, she said i dont have the same feelings for you i used to. She said she started feeling like this since the summer when we argued about our finances, 2 years prior we both agreed I would quit my job to pursue and acting career, money was rolling in at first and everything was great. we have 2 daughters 6 and 9 and we would go on cruises and family vacations...as soon as things got bad we would argue until she said that she stopped arguing and started to pull away (in the summer). I never noticed this pull away because our sex life was still great and we really enjoyed each others company. After she told me she checked out of our marriage things started to get wierd, she started telling people that she is turning 40 and saying things like " I dont like who i am when i look in the mirror" she began loosing weight as did i from the depression, she started buying anti aging cream clothes like crazy...now i also had my faults in this as well...sometimes i would neglect to do things when she asked and i could be a little selfish at times, but i always cooked...bathed the girls and did laundrey....we where seperated in march and like an idiot i left the house for her to have her space. Fastforward to now and she is so angry at anything i do. When she said in december that she was checked out I immediately went into action and owned up to my part and began fixing myself...she felt everything I was doing was manipulating her to come back to me and that whatever I want I get but this time im not going to get her. She seems very resentful and now has hired a mediator and paid for the retainer fee. Everyone in our family is confused by her actions. If i pursue her she gets mad, if i ignore she says i dont love her, if im in the middle somehow she manages to hit a nerve and we argue...now she acts as if she is young again, she has become a social media diva....she completely has erased all fond memories of us and is always talking about her youth...Ive read the books and am implementing the last resort...but she only contacts me for the kids. She wants to do mediation and says she will not fight me on anything, she says she is sure her feelings will never come back...am I screwed??? im getting my own apartment in a week and moving on with my life and childrens life....but I still love her dearly. Is there any hope? there have been times during all of this that she tells people she thinks she may be making a mistake and that she misses me and can see us working it out, but for the last 3 weeks its been hell bent on divorce. Ive had her tailed numerous times and no affair. She doesnt really go out much and hangs out alot with her sister and brothers who are married....WTH is going on here? EA? MLC or WAW...im confused...thanks for reading look forward to the help


Me: 42
W: 39
D: 2 age 6 and 9
D-Day: Dec 29 13
Seperated: 3/20/14
Mediation retainer : 5/20/14
She filed: 06/25/14
oad #2454614 05/23/14 02:57 PM
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I am sorry that you find yourself in this position. You have been doing excellent Divorce Busting research, but, your questions now need the personalized guidance of a Divorce Busting coach. Our coaches not only know how and when to employ these strategies, they also help you fine tune your approach for a postive outcome. I urge you to call me to discuss this program.
303-444-7004


Roberta, Resource Coordinator
The Divorce Busting Center
303-444-7004
Roberta@divorcebusting.com
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Oad,
Forty seems like a magic number on here for wives to freak out. If there's no affair drawing her away from the marriage, it could be that she walled her heart off after years of you neglecting her needs.

You wife believes that her "love" for you cannot return. Simply put, she is wrong. Of course, the very LAST person that she would believe this from is you, unfortunately. What you'll need is a comprehensive plan to do the right things to attract your wife back into a R with you. Have you read DB or DR yet? There are some very basic and easy to understand concepts in their regarding how to look at and alter your behavior toward her, how not to pursue her (and what that means) etc., plus it walks you through what you can expect to see and hear from your W. I'd also recommend "His Needs Her Needs" and "Surviving An Affair" as they discuss how "romantic love" is created and will help you understand more what's going on from your Ws perspective.

This will not turn around quickly, so get ready for a long ordeal.

-HS

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Hope thnx for the reply...yes i read the books...including that book by that hommer guy...stop your divorce. Right now since im not at home and i see her only 2x a week when i take my kids im implementing the last resort....I dont say much...am always in a good mood and joking around with the kids...and when she talks about the divorce i listen and not argue with her...by the way..i immediatly saw my faults...im working full time and am getting my own appartment and taking good care of my kids...love them sooo much...im surfing alot and doing my own thing...the last time we argued wich was monday..she kept saying that i will never change and everything is my fault and how she hopes one day to see me diffrently...her family tells me they think she is exagerating her anger...but either way she is going with this divorce...she told her sister she doesnt want the preasure of having to get back with me hanging over her head and feels everything im doing is to try and get her back....she is also now going through and posting a [censored] load of photos from her teenage years...oh and yesterday she took down one of our wedding pictures...but left all the others up????


Me: 42
W: 39
D: 2 age 6 and 9
D-Day: Dec 29 13
Seperated: 3/20/14
Mediation retainer : 5/20/14
She filed: 06/25/14
Joined: May 2014
Posts: 207
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HS thank you for the reply...yes ive read the divorce busting, remedy and Hommer Mcdonalds book...I am now implementing the last resort...it seems her heart has deffinatly hardened to the point where she is saying bad things about me...like that im gonna screw her over in the divorce and that im talking bad about her...non of it is true though...its as if she is becoming angrier and angrier???


Me: 42
W: 39
D: 2 age 6 and 9
D-Day: Dec 29 13
Seperated: 3/20/14
Mediation retainer : 5/20/14
She filed: 06/25/14
oad #2456015 05/29/14 08:59 PM
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Quick Question....My wife paid the retainer fee for a lawyer to mediate the divorce...our state is a no fault state, I told her I will not help her pay for the lawyer because this is not my idea. Should I go along with the mediation and act as if? also I have noticed some more texting from her with questions she already knows the answers too. I stopped talking to her family about her and I think that helps me a lot...oh one more thing I got laid off today...should I tell her?


Me: 42
W: 39
D: 2 age 6 and 9
D-Day: Dec 29 13
Seperated: 3/20/14
Mediation retainer : 5/20/14
She filed: 06/25/14
oad #2456761 06/02/14 02:55 AM
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I guess no one is reading my posts?????


Me: 42
W: 39
D: 2 age 6 and 9
D-Day: Dec 29 13
Seperated: 3/20/14
Mediation retainer : 5/20/14
She filed: 06/25/14
oad #2457348 06/04/14 01:24 PM
Joined: May 2014
Posts: 207
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well here is an update....hope someone will answer soon...apparently she is struggling on her own...the more she struggles the madder at me she gets...she is telling people that she is a changed women and now what she wants is to buy nice things, she is becoming someone she used to despise..materialistic...she wants to do botox and lift her breasts...on a positive note...ive been doing last resort on her, and I had one small victory, we have been texting eachother every couple of days concerning our daughters so I decided to throw a little test at her and I ended a text with good morning...she responded with good morning and a happy face, so I left it at that...then 1 minute later she texted me again concerning our daughters uniform for school that day(because I had them at my dads with me) she knew what the uniform was because she told me the day before what she had to wear...so Im taking this as a very tiny victory...anyone care to chime in?


Me: 42
W: 39
D: 2 age 6 and 9
D-Day: Dec 29 13
Seperated: 3/20/14
Mediation retainer : 5/20/14
She filed: 06/25/14
oad #2457356 06/04/14 01:54 PM
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I wish I could help you, mate. I don't think I have any good advice, I really can't relate.

But I do recognize the part about her saying she feels pressured. It's tricky. I don't have good advice on that, either. My wife feels pressured to have sex because after 6 weeks I told her that I hurt and felt rejected after reading that here and on many other places. So we weren't having sex, but me communicating with her my pain put pressure on her.

So now I feel like I either have to be unhappy and rejected every single day, or expect her to magically change out of the blue in spite of me so our marriage can thrive. Both options suck. I feel like if I truly loved myself, I wouldn't put up with this, which means leaving her. That's not what I want, and not wanting to leave her I don't think means I don't love myself, and it sounds like you're having the same issues.

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Oad,

Read Sandi's 37 rules at the top of the forum list. That will be your roadmap.

Prepare yourself for a bumpy ride.

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