Got M at 23, she was 24 then. It was great about 4 months in then she got on my insurance which doesn't cover her bi-polar medication. Over the next four months things turn bad, she cheats, phone conversations reduce drastically, etc.. I'm active military so I had orders to California and she wanted to stick it out but I wasn't sure then, she ended up moving out here with me. Fast forward again another 3 months and she thinks I don't clean enough, I don't spend enough time with her but all she wants to do is watch her shows and smoke cigarettes. During the last few months I have begun to receive nasty, hurtful letters and she's been talking divorce for weeks now. We've been married about 15 months now.
I did have a computer game addiction which I'm fixing myself. I have an excel spreadsheet which I do everyday to clean the house (dust, sweep, mop, vacuum, etc.. its extensive but its only a 2bdroom apartment.) I ordered DB, I think I'm at the LRT right now and I'm trying to follow the 37 rules.
She is bi-polar (anger falls here I think), has depressive episodes, "people owe me" attitude, verbally abusive at times.
I was emotionally stuck/weak for a while but I'm good friends with her family and I do talk to them occasionally about this. I know its against the rules, however, she doesn't keep in touch with her father or her mother, and very little with her brother. It should be noted here that her family has more or less cut her off at this point. Also they haven't talked to her about us much.
So my questions:
1. Is more information needed from me? 2. Is there any approach other than LRT/37 rules I should follow? 3. LRT #12. Act "as if" you are moving on with your life with or without them and that you are going to be okay. Keep a good attitude. 3a. She keeps talking D, I thought of serving her D papers because A) if we D anyway its 6 months in cali, 12 in NC B) I would be "pulling away" from her and not "towards" which is what the 37 rules are in theory. C) Its not fair to me to not seek mental health when the military will cover it, mostly likely free.
My Approach
As previously stated, follow my cleaning routine, be happy, get outside, follow the 37 rules, don't agree to stay in this M unless she gets help for her issues.
Sorry you find yourself here, but you aren't alone. Any way to get her the medication it sound like she needs? I doubt it will solve all problems, but having W healthy is a good starting point. I'm sure it will be expensive, but isn't a happy, healthy R worth it?
me: 45 W:45 M 20 years T 22 years S14, S13, S11, D9 BD 2/28/14 D papers served 3/3/14 I moved out 3/15/14 MC start 4/2/14 I moved in 6/2/14 D suit withdrawn 6/30/14
If you don't want a divorce, then don't have her served with D papers.
I don't recall ever reading about a M breaking up over the fact H did not do enough housework. Does she have a job?
Women want an emotional connection to their man. You say all she wants to do is watch her shows and smoke. However, she may feel all you do is play your games.
Have you changed the past 15 months of M?
Did you know about her illness before M? Why would the military not cover her?
How long had you known her before getting M? Why has her family stopped having much to do with her?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I think we're just at stage 2 of married life, and I did change over the past year. I had to cope with having a wife that was living 3 hours from me before we moved to the west coast. I turned to gaming. I see it as a problem and I have significantly cut back and stopped playing the game I had been. And like I've said earlier, I am making more positive changes towards cleaning the house (5LL) and I was trying to work on quality time (5LL) however the rules contradict
I'm following Sandi's rules right now and I am getting out of the house more and I have bought a bicycle which keeps me occupied.
I knew about her illness but it wasn't present in the honey moon stage (haha, go figure).
I really do appreciate the positive responses, I had a feeling I would've been told otherwise. I'm half way through DR and it is awesome advice. I love how easy it is to read.
Her prescription ran out and she would need to see a psychiatrist to get a new one. From what she has said before, without insurance the medication would be like $500 a month if not more.
She said tricare (military insurance) would not cover it. I find that odd because her old NC state employees plan did.
"Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing, and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you. And stay." ~ Will Smith
If you are the one in the military, call and check it out. Unless tho gs have changed an awful lot (and it's possible) I think it would be covered, but IDK.
I am not well experienced with this mental problem, but I have heard & read that some patients get stubborn about taking their meds.
Well, keep posting about your stitch, and you'll get other responses.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Well, I have had some response so far. I recently purchased a bicycle and I'm getting out a heck of a lot more than I used to. She hasn't said 1 single word about my bicycle yet, so can't really guage what she thinks. She has sent me 2 texts;
one asked if I was coming back that night because my toothbrush was not there (I had thrown it away because it was old) and i ended up coming through the door right as she sent that text.
The second text gave me permission to clean her carpet (she wrote me a nasty letter 2 weeks ago banning me from her room). I see it as a positive step from going LRT.
**Some things I found out: she bought a white corset. It is most likely NOT for me as we haven't been intimate in months and its still in the package and therefore not worn yet. I know she is talking/texting someone (female friend(s) or possibly otherwise) but I want to stay away from poking into it at the moment. Below is the corset, and she likely is not aware I know she has it.
I'm staying true to DETACHING and I am getting a life and in fact its working really well so far. I'm no longer emotionally strung out like I was before. I feel a WHOLE LOT better than where I was 2 weeks ago. You guys are awesome!
