I ended up being able to release some of my pent up pain and frustration last night. I felt so much better afterwards.
Still having a hard time sleeping through the night so I might pick up some benadryl or something.
I'm still in NC with WAW (10 days). It's hard because I see a lot of the other members here at least in some sort of contact re: kids, bills, mortgages. I feel like I'm in limbo at the moment, not really sure what to think especially while dealing with a sober alcoholic who has fallen into a depression.
I'm going to continue to focus on babysteps and one day at a time. I also think I'll attend a few al-anon meetings to help me detach. From what I've read, WAW's can be pretty confused. A dry drunk WAW I'm sure is even more confused.
I'm hopeful she is doing what she needs to do to feel better but I also know she is the only one who can "want" to feel better.
I don't seem to be getting much traffic but I'll post anyway.
Some things I would like to work on to become a spouse only a fool would leave:
* More independent * Easy going, less rigid * Quit living in fear and being a pessimist * Set more life goals (even when times are good) * Work on improving my self esteem * Be a better father * Be less controlling
As Pluto stated, those are vague. What ACTIONABLE steps can you take to achieve them?
What does more independent look like? What does being a better father mean? What will you be doing differently? What things are you controlling about? What will being less controlloing allow you to do?
H: 29 WAXW: 30
Bomb Drop- 9/9/13 Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14 D Final- 5/21/14 XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
Don't do it! You need to detach and act as if it doesn't bother you.
There's plenty of other reasons for her to find her way home... this isn't the end, and the truth is, your WAW probably DOESN'T know what she wants. Asking her if it is will only cause her to defend her actions instead of contemplating whether they're the RIGHT actions.
-Pluto
H: 29 W: 27 No Kids
Together: 12/04 (9 years) Living: 02/09 (5 years) Married: 06/13 (11 months) ILYBNILWY: 01/14 Separate Bedrooms: 01/14 Discovered Affair: 02/14 (On-going) W Moved Out: 06/14
I've been NC for 12 days now and there are no signs that's going to change anytime soon. I was hoping WAW would maybe be softening on her stance or missing me a little bit.
Now she's coming to get the rest of her daughter's things while I'm at work.
How am I ever going to have a conversation with her again if we have no reason at all to be in contact? No kids, bills, belongings (after tomorrow).
This feeling is so strong, it feels like her decision is set in stone, she's unwavering, she's happier without me and moving on.
Please try not to mind read in relation to what your fiancée is thinking - hard as that may be. You never know what is around the corner...it is very hard to guess and will just 'do your head in'.
Has she only been gone less than a fortnight?
Don't call her. As others on here will tell you (sorry i have not had time to read your thread yet)...time is on your side. Try not to shoot yourself in the foot too much. I have barely any toes left!
Me: 49 W: 47 M: 19 T: 25 Son:19 Dau:13 Son:6 BD: Aug: 2012 Separated - same house: May, 2013 Ultimatum to move out: Dec 2013 W looking to move out: January 2014 Dau says go, I move out: June 2014
Your lucky pro, I don't think I've got any feet left. 10 days is a short time, I have not spoken to h in 4 weeks, emailed and got a reply 2 may so 20 days ago.
I doubt he's even noticed nor cares, but I haven't died without him and the peace from his crazee even my dogs are happier!
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
