Newbie - bf suddenly left after 9 years

[kml]

What kind of novels do you write?

Regardless of the genre, I bet you'll be able to use some of this experience in your writing. Might as well get something useful out of it!

[Italian]

As a matter of fact I write mostly romance... so this is DEFINITELY going to be helpful XD!

[Italian]

I wanted to give a little update on my stepfather.

I haven't heard from him in a while, not since I snapped and yelled at him on the phone that he was selfish and I wanted him out of my life for good after all he's put us through. As far as I know he's living with his parents, taking care of his health (some big issues connected to his past addiction and clinical depression), trying to sort out a house and a new job... in short, picking up the pieces.

He contacted me via text to ask for the measurements of the wardrobe he was going to pick up, I told him I was abroad and that my Ex had cheated on me and dumped me, and he barely replied. I had got very angry, thinking he's still the same selfish a$$hole who doesn't give a crap about anyone's problems but his own.

And instead, Monday my mother saw him at the apartment, and he asked her all about me, what happened, how I'm feeling. She said he was very concerned, said he loved me dearly and he hated that I was hurt.

It makes me feel better. He was my stepfather for 11 years after all, and the fact that he can finally look beyond his own problems and recognise other people's... it makes me think maybe he's out of the tunnel and on his way to recovery. Despite all the hurt he's inflicted upon us in the past two years, I'm happy about that.

[Italian]

Also, I have been thinking a lot about whether I actually want to work on all this or not. Today I was reading threads about how hurtful it is to go through the MLC cycle, and the reconciliation process, how hard it is to get over the betrayal, and I'm asking myself... is it really worth it, to put myself through that? What for? Maybe this is a relationship better left in the past, and now that I'm a grownup, I need a grownup relationship, as well.

Maybe I'm better off starting fresh with someone new, without all that baggage to muddle through. (If he ever does come back, of course, so it might all be a moot point. But it's helping me realize... maybe I don't want him to come back, so I won't have to make that decision.)

[kml]

Maybe this is a relationship better left in the past, and now that I'm a grownup, I need a grownup relationship, as well.

Ummmm.....yeah.....I'm thinking that's what most of us have been trying to tell you.

All this standing-for-the-MLCer business - that's for a long-standing marriage, usually with kids involved, where there's a huge investment and the kids' well-being to consider. In your case, it's the opposite - for the sake of your future unborn children, you should NOT settle for your ex.

Plus, you know - you're young, talented, capable, adventurous - get out a live a little more before you settle down. Don't be in a rush. Choose wisely.

[adinva]

Yes yes yes!

I SO wish I had dated a lot more as a grownup. I married at 27 and thought I knew it all and had done it all and was with the right guy for a lifetime. I had traveled the world, lived overseas, established myself in my profession, and dated him for four years so I knew it all. My poor kids are paying the price of the fact that I didn't even know I wasn't emotionally healthy, and I sure didn't know that H wasn't. I dated a lot as a college student and for less than a year after college, but I dated H exclusively from age 22-26 and thought all his shortcomings were things I could handle.

Get out there and date a lot more guys (when you're ready, I know you need to grieve this one). You haven't been with a healthy one yet, and you haven't been healthy yet either.

[25yearsmlc]

Maybe this is a relationship better left in the past, and now that I'm a grownup, I need a grownup relationship, as well.

Ummmm.....yeah.....I'm thinking that's what most of us have been trying to tell you.

All this standing-for-the-MLCer business - that's for a long-standing marriage, usually with kids involved, where there's a huge investment and the kids' well-being to consider. In your case, it's the opposite - for the sake of your future unborn children, you should NOT settle for your ex.

Plus, you know - you're young, talented, capable, adventurous - get out a live a little more before you settle down. Don't be in a rush. Choose wisely.

THIS^^^^^^!!!!! OMG PLEASE LISTEN TO ALL OF US...(AND I MEAN, ALL...)

yes I used all caps in red, b/c I AM YELLING it to you....for your sake and any future children. FLEE THIS RELATIONSHIP!...good grief, what will it take for you to see how much of a favor he's done you?

(Answer: TIME.)

But I also know that where the head goes, the heart will follow...if we let it.

[25yearsmlc]

PS

I think I should celebrate passing the 10,000 posts mark...I did not notice til you mentioned it.

So, CHEERS! (You really will feel better in time. I promise. )

[owl777]

Wow! 10K post. You must be the one to hear from. Italian, you'd better listen and move on.

[LoisB]

Very cool 25!! I was just rereading one of your posts on an old thread of mine last night :-)

Italian: RUN!!!!!

God has given you a glimpse of the future on these threads. Get out while you can.