Happy Day ... woke up to a nice dream (Xbf serving me coffee in bed, like he used to for 20years). Had an early morning client appointment. Sold the client. While organizing, xbf asks if I wanted to catch breakfast? I stated Yes! and suggested we could have a decent meal (opposed to a quick Mcmeal) along our route to pick up more inventory. He then suggested a local restaurant in town.
I was feeling bad, feeling that I may have directed/controlled the breakfast... so asked if he meant McDonalds instead. He clearly stated that it was in his mind that If we sold a vehicle, that he wanted to celebrate and go out for breakfast. <<<<THIS is huge for him. This used to be an area that was a prob in our rel'p because he never wanted to celebrate successes. I am very happy that he is trying to work on that, looking at the glass half full, etc & the positives. I am glad that he wanted to celebrate with me.
During our breakfast, I didn't want to just discuss work, so I decided to share what I had learned last night at my meeting. The topic was mentorship & what we had to offer. I described how when it became my turn to sit on the "hot seat", how rewarding it was to hear nice things about myself that others could see in me & what I had to offer. One of them being how to have a successful 20 yr rel'p, and another being having a successful sexual rel'p for 20 years, amongst entrepreneurship, etc. I told him how I view our rel'p as successful and not a failure & that we did have many qualities for successful LTR. Based on a book I am reading. He agreed. I was eager to share & was elated but, didn't quite have his full attention after while. I was not projecting or discussing our relationship, but in general terms. He is said he was overwhelmed with things on his plate (business transaction, sump pump, branches on property, etc). He mentioned that its important to have relationships with other men. We discussed the importance, etc. as well as having mentors/peers for guidance to what we want for ourselves (as individuals). As breakfast ended, I apologized if it appeared as pressure but that I was just sharing my new discoveries and that I won't discuss anymore unless he wants to ask about it. He stated he did, just maybe not now. I didn't want it to come across as therapy session. We then drove to our pick up location and joked a lot about sex & relationship styles and being open to your partner. Talked about some love languages & how I appreciated his coffee's in the morning. Things like that were important. I told him about my morning dream & that his parents were in the dream as well. He seemed to like that. He told me how it was his dads idea to have his mom come for their usual Friday morning breakfast in lieu of Mothers Day. He is very happy about that!
We then carried on to visit one of our associates, & he seemed to be enjoying my questions to him & my easy goingness. He was not in a rush at ALL.
We have now parted ways for a couple hours until our next appointment. He was sure to keep me on the phone the entire drive in separate vehicles.
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To respond to you Job:
my thoughts about reviewing dating sites: it is not because I was knee-jerk reacting. This is something that I have been thinking about for a bit, because "IF" I remain single... I want to interview & not just jump at the first guy who comes along (like I ALWAYS DO). I know I am not ready for a relationship with anyone else. My goal in dating would be to gain confidence and to interview what I like & don't like...to be picky!!! Not to settle.
I can see that it may appear as a reaction... but, assure you that it is not. And it is definitely not to push Xbf along..infact, I feel that would scare him off & away from me. Thats why I want to be certain "I" am ready because I would have to face the fact that it means we are done. No reconciliation. I would have to be totally comfortable knowing that.
As you stated ... I am going to embrace being single & look for all the ways that single hood can be a bonus (with the exception of dating)... meanwhile, leaving the door ajar to the possibility.. I do want to live my life to the fullest! I don't want to.. nor do I mean to spend all my time dwelling on my situation. I don't! I just get caught up sometimes, mainly because I am so lonesome for my old life.
Coffee? Yes, Friends have coffee..... but, daily/guaranteed??? I am trying to take it out of "work time"...but there I go, trying to control it again... I see that today. My thought was that he was getting his "fix" on company time...therefore why see me off hours? There is little motivation to see me off hours. I need to let go of that control... if he wants to see me off hours, then he will ask for it....if not, then it is what it is... 2 business partners, having friendly coffee.
LETTING GO OF CONTROL !!!!
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Magic, You did very well today and you shared your experiences of last evening w/o expectations. Nicely done.
How do you feel about your interactions today? Are you satisfied w/the outcome? If not, what you would have liked to change? How do you feel when you are letting go?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Although my responses of yesterday's breakfast were of pure sharing & my experience... I may have taken over the conversation.
I tend to do this.
I talk too much. I don't let him speak!! He is not a big talker, so I tend to try to fill in the gaps. I want to hear him speak... must learn to STFU!
Next social time spent, will try to let him do the talking!!! Let him lead the convo's. I just don't want there to be silent gaps & him feeling like we have little/nothing to talk about.
I feel hopeful, when I let go... I am anxious to see the authentic outcome of my situation. One that I did not control!! I do have a gut feeling that things will be OK... however, I sometimes fear that it may not...therefore I try to steer/control.
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There is a business transaction that is happening right now that is preventing us from completing our financial agreement. Due to this, he is hyper-focused on the business status as it may create an overwhelming responsibility on him ..by Monday. I would really like to be finalizing my deal with him...but, probably not the best timing... even though my personal position (closing of my house) is on June 23.
I know I must look out for myself first. But, this is my business too & he is very concerned about what will happen. I should be as equally concerned/worried. I guess its OK? to put our personal situation on the back burner until the business is figured out?? I feel that if I bring it up, I will send him over the edge in anger as it is not priority and pressing as the business right now. Sticky situation.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Magic, Why do you feel the need to fill in the gaps in conversations w/your business partner? There are times when conversations have gaps and you just let things be for a bit. It gives both parties time to reflect on what was just discussed.
How do you feel about the financial agreement being postponed again? Aren't you concerned about your financial well being, as well as locating a new place to live? I realize the business comes first, but when do you, Magic, come first, when it regards your place in the business, as well financially secure?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Well, I guess I am "ok" about being postponed, because I know the truth. Its not a delay tactic, etc. My position can't change immediately anyway, because their aren't any decent priced houses on the market anyway. I am concerned, but not worried at this time. My fall back will be to move back in with parents until a decent house/price/market is available & I am not rushed into just ANY house.
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Xbf just called. I am impressed... he is very overwhelmed and concerned about our business situation and let me know that he is "thinking" of calling that real estate agent that has expressed interest in him & he enjoyed her attention. He is desperate for information/advice & she may be able to offer it to him. I am hoping that it means/suggests that he doesn't talk to her regularly or behind my back..without my knowledge. That I have nothing to worry about. If he was talking to her regularly, he would be saying what her advice was/is.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Long story short. Xbf states: I'm an only child. I am selfish and I don't want to share!
This statement comes from his desire to purchase a business property that stores our inventory. Its a rushed decision (finalizing this Thursday). He does not want me involved getting in the way. He wants to own it by himself & not share it with me. This in turn would guarantee an extra income when charging our business for rent.
I've always known him to be somewhat selfish, but the fact that he doesn't want me to ride along on this just bugs me. He even wanted to wipe our business account clean so that he could accommodate HIM... not me. I won't be allowing THAT. I told him that he could take his half of whats in the account & I would be taking mine. If he wants my share, I am part of the deal too.
We have yet to finish our first business agreement. So, ultimately he can really do what he wants. He just hates the fact that he has to clear things with me. This bugs him.... but is respecting our first agreement, even though its not written in stone, yet.
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Saturday night: My gf and I went to a sports bar for snacks & drinks.. hoping to dance. A couple of guys were sitting beside us and began to chat with us. Nice guys, friendly and interested. They bought us drinks. We decided to leave this bar together & went to another (hoping to dance). The guy interested in me was pretty "touchy"/affectionate, but in a friendly kind of way. He kept telling me how gorgeous I was. He was preparing himself for marriage again and near the end of the evening was asking for my phone number. I didn't give it out. I thanked him for the chat & drinks. He was younger... only 39!!
Gf and I decided we need to do this again & put more thought into where we can go.. and dance.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Magic, Isn't your xbf an only child as well? Doesn't his comment sound like a projection on to you as to how he's feeling about the business?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Yes, he is an only child as well. Im not understanding your projection comment... please explain?
He is now suggesting that we make an offer to landlord to help her out of her position by lending her some $$ and buying ourselves a year of guarantee. This is a good suggestion. However, he did not let me know that she called him on Saturday night to discuss stuff... or yesterday. Says he wanted to let me enjoy my mothers day..... <<<< pfft.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
My bad! I had to go back and re-read what your xbf stated and at first, I thought he was referencing your being an only child, but when I looked at it again, if I'm not mistaken, he's talking about himself. Am I correct in my second "assumption"? If I'm correct, he at least is admitting his faults of being an only child and yes, even being selfish and the light bulb moment...not wanting to share. The not wanting to share is one that you can now understand better because of the way he's been w/the business and dragging his feet about putting your name on the documents to make everything legal.
Are you okay w/what he wants to do w/company money, i.e., lending it to her? Is he going to draw up paperwork and include finance charges for the amount that is being loaned to her?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Yes. If he/we lend her the funds it would all be legit and documented legally. Not sure if I'm included in on this deal or not either. I am assuming not. Therefore before he takes funds from company (his back wages), I may want to pin him down to our almost finished deal.
Time is running out. This Thursday is when he will offer it to her.
Any red flags? What do u think about his admitted selfishness? What happened to his priorities of family? How can he keep saying he loves me, how disposable am I? He has really put ideas of me on the back burner right now while he figures out his money stuff.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
... woke up to a nice dream (Xbf serving me coffee in bed, like he used to for 20years). Had an early morning client appointment. Sold the client. While organizing, xbf asks if I wanted to catch breakfast? I stated Yes! and suggested we could have a decent meal (opposed to a quick Mcmeal) along our route to pick up more inventory. He then suggested a local restaurant in town.