Saving my family - Part 12

[Scorp7]

Ok, here is the REALLY difficult part of staying patient at this point. Some may say I'm reading too much into things but here's what I know (or at least what I've observed and been told).

My W has been texting another guy everyday. My kids have observed this and it's been going on since January, at the least. She is all over the guys facebook page and he is on her's. My kids tell me she has brought baking over to his house with them in the vehicle. The guy lives a block away from where my W is living with her parents.

There's nothing I can do if my W is truly involved with this guy. I don't know for sure if she is or isn't. I'd say at the least there is a possibility that she is.

My head tells me I need to keep doing what I've been doing, working on making me the best version of myself I can be. I've done well with my GAL, my band is up and running again, I'm in great shape physically and I think my W has noticed that I look pretty good these days. My heart on the other hand is breaking thinking about my W throwing away any chance of our family being together in exchange for being with someone else.

I'm a long way from being detached. I do better with that for short periods of time and then seem to fall backwards.

There are a ton of you on here that have dealt with this type of sitch so any input on how to cope with this would be great. I want to still leave the door open for my W and the possibility of a R in the future. It does sometimes feel like I'm being a fool thinking that way.

[Scorp7]

Considering that I may have competition in trying to R with my W, would it be wise to maybe try to ratchet up the charm a bit when I see her? I've always been able to make her laugh and it seems I still can do that, we've laughed quite a bit when we've been together over the last month or so. I've stayed away from getting too mushy. If I were to compliment her a bit and do some of the things that she used to like, would that be out of line?

[Wonka]

Scorp,

Stop trying too hard.

Be your true, authentic self.

I don't think this other man is a competition at all.

[owl777]

Sorry, but that idea is not "wise". Forget about the competition. Your wife has to see you as the guy who is moving on and she has to be totally done with this other guy. Reread Sandi's rules. Get a DB coach immediately. GAL a lot and laugh with other people.

[Scorp7]

Thanks Wonka and owl. I do have a DB coach although I haven't spoken with her for some time. I do better at times than I do at others with the whole detachment thing. My life is very full right now, my time with my kids is amazing and I'm so thankful that my W and I sharing them week to week. She and I are getting to be friends again which is also a huge thing that I am thankful for.

Wonka, you're 100% right, I don't need to try so hard. Just keep doing what I'm doing, I'm very happy with where I'm at right now and I think I can keep getting better.

[Scorp7]

Well, things keep improving. My wife and I exchanged the kids last night and sat down for dinner together again as a family. We laughed a lot, talked about things that were happening for both of us and even a little bit about our finances. She hasn't brought up any relationship talk and I won't go there unless she brings it up first.

My D7 is definitely trying to play match maker at this point, something my W and I are both very aware of. It's cute but it also underlines just how much they all want their parents back together with them.

It seems like we are becoming friends again which is awesome. Time is still key and being patient. Our relationship has come so far from where it was even 3 months ago, who knows where it could be in another 3 to 6 months.

For those of you that have turned your relationship around, back from the brink of D, what was the turning point for you? Was it anything you did or was it something your other half did?

[Barrybran]

Slow and steady, Scorp. Like the squirrel analogy :-)

[bashy]

Just about your MIL Scorp.

Just b4 I dumped WAW a few years back my MIL hated me.... in fact she punched and kicked me in the face and back after a row. I did not retaliate. When I dumped her D she told her never to take me back.... EVER.

Fast forward to my sitch now and just b4 WAW dumped me. I changed my life around, devoted my life to WAW, and MIL was devastated at our split. Got angry at WAW. Obviously she'll always stick up for her own D but we still get on very well.

[gogofo]

Scorp, I believe what helped turn my situation around was being myself when I was around her. We had a couple dinners together after little to no contact for 4 months. I believe it was during these interactions that she started to see whom I was becoming and the changes I wanted to see in myself. Also I believe, as had been told to me many times, there is nothing more attractive than being a good father to your kids.

Also like has been said, slow and steady, no need to be too eager.

I stayed patient many times when I wanted to try and reconcile too soon. I know how frustrating it is to move at their pace. That is why GAL is important. Keep busy and work on you and keep being a good parent.

[Barrybran]

I echo the part about being a good father. It's what attracted my wife to me in the first place (she had two when I met her) and it's what appears to have brought us back together when we have down periods.