It’s been about 2 weeks of following the LRT and 180 method. And she is definitely noticing and being nicer. By nice, I mean telling me ‘good night honey’ or asking how I’m feeling. I respond respectfully and happy, but never include the ‘love’, hun’ my love ect… trying to maintain distance.
Today I had workers prep the house for sale, taking care of cosmetic issues and cleaning the clutter. Mid-day she asked me for a hug. I obliged and she started crying; saying she ‘Is trying to do the right thing’. I continued to embrace her for 10 seconds before we broke the embrace.
I maintained my composure, and mentioned nothing. What’s the next step?
I’m into chapter 5 of DR at this point.
Me: 43, W:42 M: 11 years T: 17 years Step S:22 Separated: 5/08/10 (came back 8 months later) Bomb Dropped: 04/12/14
I am so encouraged by the work that you are doing and the positive responses that follow. Keep reading, but, also note the importance of our coaching program. Having your own coach guiding you through every step of this tenuous process is crucial to it's successful outcome. Please call me to dicuss the Divorce Busting Coaching program. 303-444-7004
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JennD thank you. It's complex now ... as if its stalled at a comfortable level. Not sure when and how to accept a change of heart. Not sure sure when to re engage the relationship!
Help!
Me: 43, W:42 M: 11 years T: 17 years Step S:22 Separated: 5/08/10 (came back 8 months later) Bomb Dropped: 04/12/14
I too stalled soon after beginning LRT. things seemed to be looking better initially. she was happier, laughing, complimenting me on things i changed. I thought I was starting to tear down the wall. then nope! she still wants out.
Not trying to discourage you, just don't want you to get complacent. I would let her bring up any discussion about the relationship though.
Me 38 Her 38 Daughter 7 Married 11 Together 16 BD 3/21/14 Moved out 3/8/15 D final 3/11/15
Thanks VFL, I agree the stall is misleading, and scary. Obviously I want her to approach me with open arms and ask me back.... but I finished the DR book - unlikely it would happen this quick.
I had a Realtor over to list the house, and have plans to move my business offsite next month. Next questions is do I move out? Would that give too strong of an impression of moving on? If I move out I don't get to showcase any "changes" I make.
BTW, has anyone done this (LRT or 180) and find themselves less in love than before?
Me: 43, W:42 M: 11 years T: 17 years Step S:22 Separated: 5/08/10 (came back 8 months later) Bomb Dropped: 04/12/14
So, I was out last night (GAL) and arrived home late. There was a storm and she was worried, but went to bed before I was home.
In the morning, she came into my room (we sleep separate)and crawled in bed to snuggle. She said 'i shouldn't be doing this but I was worried about you' Lasted 3-4 minutes and not as full blown snuggle as before.
????????????? So confused!!!
Side note... there is a large family gathering this weekend that I will avoid, partly to stay detached, partly to not have to deal with all the questions, as I'm sure she has told them about the D.
Me: 43, W:42 M: 11 years T: 17 years Step S:22 Separated: 5/08/10 (came back 8 months later) Bomb Dropped: 04/12/14
Don't be confused even though living together is difficult. The snuggling is a sign of her confusion and manipulation of wanting her cake and eat it too. No more allowing her to come into your private space, especially with the big D in the process. You need to cut her off, even though it hurts.
Wow. This is difficult, but here it goes. Don't be confused even though living together is difficult. The snuggling is a sign of her confusion and manipulation of wanting her cake and eat it too. She's not talking is she? You need to call a coach. No more allowing her to come into your private space, especially with the big D in the process. Talk with a coach. You need to discuss this important stuff to see if you can bust through this situation.
Yes, it is logical that I stay detached, but I thought the whole idea of LRT and 180 is to get the spouse to rethink and 'turn around'. She hasn't mentioned D to me at all since week 1, but for the last 3 weeks various others were told progressively.
Here is my timeline to date:
Week 1: D bomb dropped, love you like a friend, its me not you. (I spend the entire week going crazy and doing the wrong things)
Week 2: Find DB, complete GAL, 180 and detach. Workout, new clothes, cologne .. the works. She notices, but I don't acknowledge her comments
Week 3: Continue with ^^^^above^^^^, skip a family event (inlaws) start requesting $$$$ to split the bills in half. Start looking at new places to live. She starts softening up, gives me hugs a few times, starts calling me by my nickname (term of endearment). I respond nicely, but never with honey, love, sweetie ect ect.
Week 4: Continue with above, also skipping a huge family event(s) this weekend. She cuddled in bed Tues am...
So ... how do i cut her off more? Should I tell her straight out ' you cannot act like this unless we reconsider and go to counseling?'
Shouldn't I encourage this good behavior?
Me: 43, W:42 M: 11 years T: 17 years Step S:22 Separated: 5/08/10 (came back 8 months later) Bomb Dropped: 04/12/14
