Is there someone's post that I can read that is similar to mine:
1. MLCer still in home 2. has OW with EA and PA - very strong relationship 3. Seperate rooms, H will not touch me at all 4. Can make small talk only, H is detached from me 5. H not liking my GAL lately 6. H says he will divorce me soon - his legal issues he needs to deal with first
Do you know someone similar that I can read their thread. I read Raine's but her is slightly different, as husband is not detached in heavy into R?
Don't know why but I am having a bad day. I went 3 whole days without crying and then lost it today....UGH! I had some people stop buy from church unexpectedly and I started to cry.
H has stayed home last 2 nights, but I doubt he will today. He still is not admitting friend is EA and PA. Yet another change today - he is now drinking a drink that he has never liked. Still can do small talk, but that is it. No physical contact - I don't ask as I don't want to hear no. I have been detaching for his new life with OW and new friends while he has been detaching from me too. Not sure what to do - ideas?
I have been working on GAL and have pissed him off because we were gone when he usually calls. He is mad because I am on my phone all the time - forgets that he is texting OW constantly. Funny thing is that I am usually blogging on one of two sites. He has accused me of affair.
I feel like my life is an hour glass as far as divorce. He said when his situation was over, he is getting a divorce, and I believe him. My family is trying to convince me to file, but I am not ready - don't know why.
Any words of wisdom or encouragement or good joke or good song are greatly appreciated? Thanks for all the support and being my sounding board.
At one point in time of another, my sitch had #'s 1-5. My h never mentioned divorce or separation, but did mention leaving a few times after bomb. He never did. He slept on our couch for about a year and a half.
My h would not admit to affair either. They usually don't, even when presented with evidence, while they are in crisis. The old "we're just good friends" line is total script.
I know it's hard, but try not to put too much stock into what he says. He says he is going to get a divorce - maybe he will, but maybe he won't. I find it interesting he keeps saying it to you over and over, almost like a child wanting a reaction from mommy. How do you usually react?
While you may not be ready to file or want to file, I highly suggest consulting a lawyer. Many give free consults. Find out what your rights are, write down questions you have, get answers. Do this for you and your kids.
They can get very paranoid while in the thick of things, plus quite angry. Detach from all of it, it is not you.
Keep GALing, not to p!ss him off, but because having a life outside of him is important. Keep on living and enjoying life with your children, family, and friends.
Keep posting
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
Initially when he said he wanted a divorce I pleaded, cried and begged (prior to finding this site.) The last time I said whatever it is just a piece of paper. He spouted back the marriage license is just a piece of paper - I said ha if that is all it is then why does he feel like he needs the divorce.
I have consulted a few lawyers, but as time goes on I get more questions and then consult another lawyer. A friend mentioned when this is all done I could sue H OW for the affair. ha ha! Wouldn't that be funny. She does not have any money, and is far in debt - H thinks she has lots of $ - want an idiot. I found out all by looking at public records.
I think I am upset because I felt like I was in control the last few days and he was scrambling. But now I feel like he is in control again, and I am scrambling. GRRRRR!!!!
Calm down and take one day at a time. Your posts sound like your mind is in overdrive. I remember those days. As the sitch continues, you will think less about it and your H and slowly start to take care of you. I wish I could have done that sooner, but I think it's all part of the process.
You've mentioned your attitude towards your H in recent posts. I know how you feel. Sometimes I feel like being nice and pleasant is excusing his bad choices and behavior, but I've gotten past that now. I know I am healthier than him and I try to forgive him each day. I know that by holding onto anger it is hurting me and my marriage and not bringing us back together. If you really want to stand for your M, then you need to be very strong and swing that focus back to you. You can come here and vent like you have been, but then need to find that PMA. It's tough and you'll have bad days, but I promise just faking a PMA will even make you feel better.
Your H is only thinking of himself. He is very confused right now. Don't worry about his threat of D. I've read many stories on here that have spouses that threaten D and never file. It sounds like you've prepared yourself legally in case he does. Until then, please take care of you and your kiddo's. He is missing out and he knows that. Be the best you. I honestly wish I would have taken that same advice much sooner, but glad to finally be there now. Let your H spin in MLC land.
Me:33 H:35 M: 12 years D-15 S-6 Bomb: 6-2013 OW: 11/2013 Kids and I moved out: 11/2013 when he continued to lie about affair Kids and I moved back in 12/2013 H moved out 2/2014
Thanks everyone. It is so hard BC I know he is detached. How foes it work if we both are detaching? So far the kids don't know. I am glad our work schedules are different. I dread days off that are the same.
I just don't know how to put the smile on and talk to him. I just come across pissed. I am nit interested in his lies. I feel like when we are gone in mornings he is with ow shopping and screwing her in our house...ugh. So hard to ignore his nonsense and gal. Now he accuses me of an affair..ugh
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
