How do I stop being attracted to her?

[FL3Boys]

My wife told me in December that she was unhappy, and didn’t think our marriage would last until Christmas a year later. Things have gradually gotten worse, and she is moving out June 1.

I have begun implementing the 7-step process, or, more accurately, the “last resort” step.

I am making serious changes. I have lost nearly 30 pounds since December (I was 6’ tall, and 257 lbs, I am now 225 lbs). I exercise regularly and and trying to stay positive and “light hearted” at all times when around my wife.

I have stopped “chasing” her, looking pathetic, and saying “I love you” only to hear nothing, or “I know”.

My biggest problem is that when I am near her, I am SO COMPLETELY attracted to her. She’s the one woman in my life who just “does it for me”. Always has. We are both in our early forties, and she is extremely fit and beautiful.

It’s the knowledge that I may never again have her that sends me careening into depression.

I’m okay if I stay at work, or exercise, or am not around her, but when I see her in the morning, or at dinner, or anytime, I just want to touch her.

Any suggestions on what to do when this gnawing, aching feeling persists?

How can I overcome it?

[Cadet]

Welcome to the board

Get out and GAL.

DETACH.

Believe none of what she says and half of what she does.

Have NO EXPECTATIONS.

Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.

You are on moderation right now on the forum.
SO post in small frequent posts until you get off of it.

Your W is giving you a GIFT.
THE GIFT OF TIME.

USE it wisely.

Knowledge is Power

[sandi2]

Can you give us more information? What brought your MR to this place?

[FL3Boys]

My wife says that I always put my needs before hers. She felt as if she was always "2nd". She has built up resentment for years, and it was all unbeknownst to me.

I was also drinking more than she wanted me to, but have since quite entirely since December 6. She did not drink very much at all, but now regularly has a glass of wine at dinner. Ironic.

I do not believe there is anyone else, she is just unhappy with her life, and feels that I am the main source of the unhappiness.

[sandi2]

Did she give examples or situations where she felt you put her second? Or did she need to give details about it?

If you knew you were drinking more than she wanted you to, does that mean she had expressed her feelings about it in the past?

Now you have,quit drinking and she has started. Anything else that has changed about her you have noticed?

Besides weight loss and stopping the drinking, what other improvements have you made?

[FL3Boys]

Yes & yes.

Her drinking is not in excess, just more than usual.

Improvements:
I am have been "detached" for three weeks, and living in the guest suite above the garage. I don't say "I love you", and act lighthearted & "unaffected". I've always been very involved with the kids & cooking & cleaning & laundry. Those are not her gripes.

I have been monitoring results for the goals I've set, but see very little change.

I know it's all about patience, but I don't see how things can possibly improve once she moves out (set for June 19).

She wants to tell kids that "Mommy & Daddy just aren't getting along right now". I want to tell them that "Mommy doesn't love me anymore". I won't, but what is this going to teach our kids about love?

[sandi2]

Well there was either more internal destruction done than you realized, or she isn't telling everything.