He dropped the bomb on 3/29/13 and moved out a few weeks later.
I've had two threads here but they are both locked now and I don't know how to link.
OW confirmed July 2013. He's still with her, has introduced her to the kids, rubs her in my nose when he comes to pick up our children.
Put divorce on hold in November to reconcile. It was a flop. He continued to see OW behind my back. Proceeded with divorce in February.
And here we are. Divorce still not final. Him still with OW but constantly making comments about us staying together or remarrying in the future and crying on my shoulder for hours about how unhappy he is.
I don't want a divorce but really don't have any reason to believe he's ever coming home.
Sigh. Just feeling sad today. I'm doing everything I need to do. Therapy, new job, new friends, running, etc...
But at the end of the day, I still just really miss him and don't understand why he continues to make comments about staying together. Is it just jerky manipulation? I don't want you but don't want anybody else to have you either?
I just wish I could get to the point that I WANT this divorce. It should be final within a few weeks.
I haven't read your backstory (yet), but I can relate for sure.
I wish I had an answer to why....I really don't know. If I had to take a guess, and really, I'm just thinking of my own sitch, it'd be that they like both worlds. They like the forever love we provide, the stability, the family, the history, etc....but they like the excitement, and new love feeling, and the absence of real life issues they get with the A partner.
Ultimately the cycling my XW was doing with me made me decide to go NC...it's healthier for me to have a stable life rather than the circle jerk she tries to run me thru. Sounds like you may be in a place where the contact is emotionally unhealthy for you as well....something to think about.
But at the end of the day, I still just really miss him and don't understand why he continues to make comments about staying together. Is it just jerky manipulation? I don't want you but don't want anybody else to have you either?
It's just a manifestation of his confusion and turmoil. He probably means it, but he's in no state to act on that. He's still got a long, long journey ahead of him. So many WAS's engage in affairs to escape reality, and it prevents them from making the personal journey they need to make that might ultimately help them to find true happiness (from within) and eventually reconcile. When people climb the mountain to seek wisdom, they don't go with a boyfriend/ girlfriend. Enlightenment is a solitary experience.
We really don't have much contact anymore. that fact alone makes me sad.
But since the divorce is not final we still see each other every couple weeks at the attorney's office. And he makes comments about a future for us every time.
I think he just wants me to sit in a shelf and be his Plan B.
It went well enough. Friendly, no mention of a future.
Then he called a few hours later, just to ask me a question. Totally not kid related. Pretty much unheard of these days so I don't know what that was about.
I'm going out with new friends tonight, from a divorce group.
I had therapy today. She pretty much thinks I should be over him and never be willing to take him back.
I do think about that a lot myself. He has lied to me, betrayed me, ignored our kids...is it really possible he could ever be a decent husband and father again? And could I possibly stay married to a man that had a 2 year (or more!) affair and still respect myself?
Would he respect me? Maybe she really is his true love? (No. He continued to lie to her and cheat on her with me for a very long time)
You are asking that don't seem to be relevant right now. Why expend YOUR energy worrying about what HE could or couldn't do? Go use that energy on YOU doing something that makes you happy.
me: 45 W:45 M 20 years T 22 years S14, S13, S11, D9 BD 2/28/14 D papers served 3/3/14 I moved out 3/15/14 MC start 4/2/14 I moved in 6/2/14 D suit withdrawn 6/30/14
We really don't have much contact anymore. that fact alone makes me sad.
But since the divorce is not final we still see each other every couple weeks at the attorney's office. And he makes comments about a future for us every time.
I think he just wants me to sit in a shelf and be his Plan B.
It's very common for WAS to try to keep options open. This also provides them all the time they want to wean themselves away from you. Major Cake-Eating. So, I would make myself as unavailable to WAS as possible.
Make sure you get your own atty. Do not count on H to make any $$$ decisions that will benefit you. WAS are very selfish creatures.
I am doing things that make me happy. But all of the doing in the world hasn't helped me turn off all of the emotions yet. I'm just thinking out loud here, it's a process.
