I am struggling managing my emotions when dealing with my Ex and have real doubts about how I should interact with her. Lately she has been doing something that bugs me and I would like some advice on how to handle it.
Several times over the last month she has called and asked to talk to the kids. Then the kids ask me "Are we doing anything on XXX day". If we don't have specific plans, my exW makes plans with them without talking to me about it.
Tonight, I told D14 that her mom needs to talk to me, let me know what plans are and ask my permission. When she is staying with me, I am the parent.
I get the impression that my Ex wants D14 to babysit one of her boyfriends kids while they go out. I don't want D14 to be involved in my ex's dating life. But, mostly I resent the disrespect of making plans without asking my permission, or telling me what the plans are.
Do I just ignore this behavior regardless of how it bugs me? Do I tell D14 that until I am given the details of what she is doing and her mother asks my permission, then the answer is 'No she can't go'. Are there other options?
My time with my kids is my time. I do try to be flexible if I don't have plans and will switch days but I don't just give him my time. I don't look at it as if every minute has to be planned. This is their home not a fun house.
I think you need to enforce those boundaries or she will walk all over you and your kids.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
i agree with Kat, if its your time she shouldn't be making plans without first discussing it with you. I think she shouldnt even ask your D, until after she's discussed it with you.
This is something that you should straightened out with your xW, i'd say leave your D14 out of it.
"In a ham and eggs breakfast, the hen is involved, but the pig is committed".
I agree. Your D14 should not be in the middle. She doesn't need the stress either. Just ask your ex to check with you first. Co-operative parenting is the key to success!
I would bristle at the word "permission" - what you need to achieve is collaboration on what the kids are doing, and communication about ideas, and agreement about who gets them when and takes them where. She's still their parent and will not react well to being told she has to ask your permission before parenting them on her time.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
I think the whole issue is her trespassing on his time without asking him if she can do something with the kids first. It is his time after all. She should learn to respect his time with them as he she should respect hers.
It is one thing I truly dislike about divorce. I lose out on time with my kids, the holidays are split and they end up going backand forth.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
We have agreement about who has them when. This is a day that I have custody. I don't interfere with how she parents on her time. Or at least I don't think I will. The divorce is still new and until after 4/15, she really hasn't had any "Her" time.
