If you had a chance to read my earlier post, you already know that I am the W of a porn-addict and have seen the terrible affects of porn on my marriage and self-esteem. I want to get the perspective of married or divorced men on this forum who have dealt with porn addiction. I am just trying to understand if the hurt I felt because of my H's porn addiction is shared by other wives of porn addicts or am I really an odd-ball case.
I have four questions related to this issue:
1) was this addiction kept secret from your wife?
2) Did your porn addiction affect your relationship with your wife ?
3) If your W was aware of your porn addiction, then did she feel hurt with this knowledge?
4) What caused you to pursue the use of pornography while you were married? Was your wife lacking in looks or attractiveness?
1- yes 2- yes 3- when she became aware of it, yes 4- exposure to porn at the age of 10, and I gradually became addicted to it a few years into the marriage- i was depressed and i believe used it as an escape. my wife (stbx) is completely beautiful and satisfied me sexually. i just couldn't beat those demons, though I am almost 2 months "sober" now.
If I understand it correctly "porn addiction" is when men prefer pornography to having sex with their wives and will neglect their marital sex life due to a preference for pornography. Obviously that's far different from a husband casually watching porn on occasion. I believe your husband falls into the former category, correct?
I think the danger with your question here is that you're looking for an explanation of why *your husband* is the way he is, and that's probably a very complicated answer that likely has nothing to do with someone else's porn addiction.
If you read the book "Passionate Marriage" it points out that people are subject to assigning simplistic explanations to highly dynamic interconnected systems.
The "why" you are seeking may not be knowable. I think the issue to focus on is what you do with it. If you have addressed all your issues and become a spouse that only a fool would leave, then either your H will commit to the marriage or he won't, and each has it's own set of decisions for you.
Acc
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
Yes, my H is a porn-addict. Masturbating to porn is his preferred and most reliable way for sexual release. It may come as a surprise to most readers on this forum, the fact of the matter is that my H and I didn't partake in Sexl (with each other) before we got married. So needless to say, his sexual issues came as a complete shock to me after we got married. He continued using porn for sexual release from the onset of our marriage. It was as though he didn't even consider me as his sexual mate. In the earliest days of our marriage, there was no online porn (late 1980s), so he relied on the 250+ playboys, Penthouse, and Sports Illustrated Swim-Suit editions for his sexual needs. Matter of fact, he didn't even try to conceal these magazines from me. He brazenly stored them in the drawers of his office desk. When he wanted to partake in viewing them, he would instruct me to NOT DISTURB him while he was getting some really important matter resolved (sounds funny, but it sure hurt me badly).
