new goal: I am confident in my life, I appreciate my full value & I am LOVED unconditionally!
Went to women's meeting last night. I signed on for the women's weekend away where I will come back differently, with a new outlook. A contract was written up and a goal declared. Weekend is April 3/4 - 6/7, depending on travel.
All of my concerns about my responsibility, unable to make decisions, wishy washy, submissive/pretzelling behaviours, lack of confidence, etc. are all being addressed in my new goal statement!!
I grew again. Last night I was recognized by my group as well as 2 of my friends.
Today, I have more self confidence. I have been pushing down my full value. I have pushed down the fact that I am actually quite attractive, and have forgotten what that means. I have been afraid to wear it, because I was afraid to come across as conceited. Today, I am putting on my gorgeous & wearing it in public. I have also been treating my whole situation with tunnel vision and that my xh is the only man on the earth. He is not. That doesn't mean I am ready for anyone else. Instead I have noticed that I treat him like he is the only man though!
Ken ~ Yes, I agree. Although it was not ever like that because there was never a mortgage. He paid for it personally. It is not an asset to the business. So, now how do I view this? Value? Retroactive? Current/going forward?
Portia ~ I am looking for opinions. I want fair advice on how to feel/ think on this matter. I have been informed. I know my rights. There is no point in battling it out when he is prepared to share it. Makes no sense to spend $130G in independent legal fees to put my name on the business, when he is prepared to share it. The complication occurs realizing that he owned an established business before. I joined. Then we became 50/50. I am not trying to have my name on what was his before, nor the debt that the company owed him on that date. Just the stuff going forward. Our accountant can help with those numbers. The mediator can determine what is fair. I just need to know what I feel in my heart based on reality and facts. Bringing up what is owed or not owed in the house situation is separate from the business matter.
I am not stupid. I know how to create the best situation to get the best deal without losing money to stupid "attacking" lawyers. I have done that route before. Having a mediator tell us both what is fair is what we have agreed to abide by. We both agree we will "suck it up" and move forward.
A business agreement is written in stone and not a cheap one to re-write. Therefore we are working on an interim agreement (if allowed) and then battle /work out the final numbers. A temporary agreement gets my name on the business faster... just at a lesser amount for a temp time. I like this !! There is A LOT of factors to consider because we complicated things 8 years ago instead of doing it right. There are taxes and associations that will need to be considered and I could potentially be setting myself up for an audit.. So, I need to be careful.
I am not foolish. The best quality that my h has is the fact that he is a moralistic person. He would never EVER take away what he knows is mine. He has people/ family/ daughter that he could not face & himself. He comes from a family that stick together and make written/legal agreements between family members as to protect. Its in his blood to be like this. The only way that HE would EVER EVER be a horrible unfair person, was if I "attacked" with a lawyer. Not if I had another man in my life. Not because he doesn't love me, because the "attack" is what would be brutal for him. He would not ever understand that a legal system is proper and fair, there are more factors than law to be taken into consideration. As we know they are usually not. Another man would hurt, but not affect his wallet or to do what is morally right. I know this much about him. Lets say I am entitled to 90% of everything, I do not agree with 90%. He would never ever get over it... This is why mediation will work for us. I will do better in the long run and get a fair, or more than fair deal than with a lawyer. A softer approach.
Gabby ~ The outcome is different. "if" we go into the mediators office to reach an agreement because we are trying to own a business together AND reconcile. Or... are we not getting back and this is strictly a business only deal... there will not be a reconciliation. The deal is different. My feelings are different. For example, I could pay "rent" to a business partner, and allow him to profit off me ... This would not feel good from a love partner. And what about him? Would he really feel good receiving "rent" money from me?... seems like an odd relationship!
Hope this makes sense.... I know I have a difficult time writing/speaking my points.
Have a great day... going to go put on my gorgeous now!
Magic
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
GM... would you feel OK giving your husband "rent" on a property that was paid for?
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Who said you had to hire a lawyer instead of going to mediation?
A lawyer would be there for you to consult and to get information from BEFORE you go to mediation. If, you have no idea what you are legally entitled to, how will you know what is fair. The mediator's job is not to be fair, it is to get a deal done.
Why would your XBF even have to know you consulted with a lawyer?
Anyway, I have started to repeat myself from previous posts which is not a productive use of time. I do wish you luck Magic.
if you two were in business together 50/50, then you would be responsible for 50% of the expenses. whether or not he paid for it personally or through the business makes no difference. theres still costs to owning that occur after its paid for, namely taxes, upkeep, maintenance, hydro etc.
if you want to get your portion of the profit, you also have to factor in your portion of the costs.
but regardless, asking here is the wrong place, this is a legal issue you need to discuss with a professional.
you can easily hire a lawyer for advice on an hourly basis.
and if I were in a business partnership, regardless who it is, i would expect my partner to contribute equally, or to the predetermined percentage. if that partner expects to profit from my business then they must contribute.
"In a ham and eggs breakfast, the hen is involved, but the pig is committed".
Hi ken. Yes. I have been paying for 50% of all other expenses. The "rent" suggestion is new. There isn't a mortgage. So is there a cost for the business?
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
I kind of view the use of the property a free benefit to the reaction ship. Just like I view my daughter as a free benefit for him in our personal relationship
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
This is why I want real people to discuss with me. ... Not some pricey lawyer who will make me think I can get more.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
This is why I want real people to discuss with me. ... Not some pricey lawyer who will make me think I can get more.
I'm a "free lawyer" telling you to get some legal advice and stop letting your prejudice against the legal profession scare you from getting help. Are you like this about doctors? Thinking "pricey surgeons" offer you nothing you can't do on your own?
Look, I'm a lawyer but I hired a lawyer when my h and I separated. First off, this is NOT the time to "scrimp & save"....it's not a used car you are shopping for.
And I'd never consider my own knowledge to suffice, let alone to overcome my personal bias in such an emotionally charged transition. I'm human. I cannot pretend to see things objectively. Can you???
From your posts, it's clear you don't see things objectively, (which is understandable) and clearly, you are afraid to hire a lawyer b/c you think it will "make" your partner get mad and punitive. Fear based choices are never the good ones we make.
You pretend to have "business" reasons for your choices, but you assume lawyers are useless BUT expensive
AND btw, your estimate of the legal fees ("$130g"???) is the highest I've seen anywhere.
Since you have not consulted a lawyer, I have to wonder who gave you that fear inducing estimate....
I cannot tell if you are seeking free legal advice here (it's not the money that stops me from handing it out, it's that it would be malpractice for me to pretend to know the numbers, the jurisdiction, which judge is most favorable, what the latest high courts have said re: common law marriages IF those are even recognized where you are, etc...
AND OR you want us to tell you what to do. We cannot do that.
But there is one common thread in what we all are saying to you... one thing keeps being said-- SEEK LEGAL COUNSEL, which cannot hurt you IF you are simply getting information.
You do not have to DO anything with the knowledge you gain. (Knowledge is power.)
You can keep it to yourself, you know.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
