Hi I'm new to the board and have just found out that my wife has been having an affair with another woman. She said its been goin on for a little less than a year we have 3 young boys 13,11,4 whom we both love very much. I love my wife more than words can say and am just unsure on how to try and win her back if it's even possible.
M48 W44 S13 S11 S4 Married 14 yrs Nov 14/13bomb dropped Feb she filed for D 1/14 End of Feb she served me 3/24 got notice to appear at F.O.C
I have compleatly shut down with her I only speak or text if it concerns the kids. I do not start conversations anymore or ? Her whereabouts. If she truly has came out as a lesbian I can accept that no matter how much it hurts but the cheating to me at this time is unforgivable. I would like to believe that she is lying about being gay because I have caught her in multiple lies recently. Thank you for response this board has been a great tool for healing
M48 W44 S13 S11 S4 Married 14 yrs Nov 14/13bomb dropped Feb she filed for D 1/14 End of Feb she served me 3/24 got notice to appear at F.O.C
I just got in the mail today to appear in court for them to figure out income and expenses. For support to be honest I was hoping it wouldn't have went this far. I'm sure I'm being a fool about her being a lesbian and me hoping it was just experimental. Just a fool still in love I guess. I went up to cabin this weekend to do some chores which kept my mind occupied. She sent me a few texts asking how was drive weather and cabin. My responses were just little cold out and a lot of snow. I didn't respond to one she sent asking what I do all day while I'm up there by myself. I do miss her but sticking to my guns and let the cards fall where they lay. I don't text or call her when she is gone when it's my turn at home with kids which plays heavy on my mind because I know she is with her new partner. I will continue on my end doin what I can. I will still be hopeful until signing on the dotted line. I'm not just sitting around feeling sorry for myself my time is occupied quite a bit with kids n work. It's hard being around my friends it feels totally different at the moment. I feel like sometimes I'm poison even while putting on a happy face. Thanks all this helps me feel a little better writing it down here because I don't feel judged and I don't have to burden others with my sitch. Thanks again
M48 W44 S13 S11 S4 Married 14 yrs Nov 14/13bomb dropped Feb she filed for D 1/14 End of Feb she served me 3/24 got notice to appear at F.O.C
Thank you Cadet I see you post that I've been given the gift of time and was wondering if that was time to get my affairs in order for the inevidable D. Or to somehow figure out a way for the D to not happen Thanks
M48 W44 S13 S11 S4 Married 14 yrs Nov 14/13bomb dropped Feb she filed for D 1/14 End of Feb she served me 3/24 got notice to appear at F.O.C
I agree with you 100% although it is hard the D is nothing that I want to happen or have any control over. I have already started to sell some items which I don't use anymore to get cash fer home purchase in the future I don't plan on buying right away maybe just rent for awhile close to kids. I have been very fortunate to have had the oppertunity to be a stay at home dad for the first 8 yrs I was well established in the machining trades and made a very good living. After manufacturing started to make a nose dive it only made sense for me to stay home with kids and do side jobs on machines I had in the garage. My wife has a great job at a law firm which afforded us this also. After my youngest was born I took on a full time job and we put youngest in daycare untill a few incidents happened in which I pulled my son out and decided to take on a night position to be with him during the day. I don't mind sacrificing my sleep knowing my son is safe. My wife thought we should try another daycare and it was even worse than the first the 3yr olds ruled the daycare and put my son in real danger. I pulled him out and have receptive to others with my kids I'm way protective of them which my wife thinks I'm a bit overprotective. My only response to my wife was that I do not want to be on the other end of the phone when something bad happens and I'm not going to take that chance. Well that was a few years ago and my son just turned 4 so I think a little different now and have done some reaserch and found a place inwhich I think I can trust. My wife is a great and can be a very loving person but I think the influence of others plays a major role in what has happened between us. Thanks again I didn't mean to get this carried away.
M48 W44 S13 S11 S4 Married 14 yrs Nov 14/13bomb dropped Feb she filed for D 1/14 End of Feb she served me 3/24 got notice to appear at F.O.C
Nothing much new to tell except wife let me know today that because I've had the last three weeks that she feels she deserves the next following two weeks. In all actuality I had last week only the other two weeks I was traveling with one of my sons for his sports endeavors. But when I got home on Sunday my wife would leave to be with her partner. To tell you the truth it didn't bother me as much this time as it has in the past. My response to her when she told me was "sure" and that was all. There have been a few other texts concerning the kids in which I promptly reply respectfully. I think it might acually be sinking in to my thick head that it's time to let go. Thank all n good night Dyno
M48 W44 S13 S11 S4 Married 14 yrs Nov 14/13bomb dropped Feb she filed for D 1/14 End of Feb she served me 3/24 got notice to appear at F.O.C
Just wanted to follow up on the "Sexual Fluidity" comment in the other thread.
The gist of the book is that women more so than men are situational in their attractions. The book is based on a 20 year study of self identified lesbians or bisexual or unlabeled women. Many (most?) switched back and forth between attraction to women and men, primarily based on emotional bonding and opportunity.
So while it is possible that your wife has "always" been a "Lesbian", it is equally possible that the other woman now meets a particular emotional need and that the DB techniques could make a difference to her.
Even if none of this will make a difference in your current situation, it may help you come to terms and understand and have empathy with her and your role in the relationship.
