Journal: My L is sending me the first draft of the D filing today for review. I'm to sure what prompted it, but I've felt anxious and stressed overnight. it could be the upcoming change. It could be work. not sure. I keep wanting to ask W: ".....is this what you really wanted....?" Strange how the mind wants to reason it out. Its not something I'm going to get an answer to. So I have to just live with it.
I saw W today in my driveway. She was stressing about her phone (I guess she thought D13 had it...)she could not find it. She was stressing about ins cards for her Truck. I already gave them to her and she misplaced them and needed them for inspection today. She was very agitated. She stopped in the house to ask D13 bout her phone. the stress level went up while she was around.
I found a copy of ins papers for her and provided those for her inspection. She was in her own world about her own issues. She barely rolled down the window for me to give them to her. It wasn't much different when she lived here. W is about W and her needs.
I know this is what has to happen. I'm just having trouble with it today.
going to the gym really helped lower my stress level and raise my happy level. I have to keep that in mind.
Why do I continue to question something that was clearly not healthy for me? Moving on is the correct thing at this point. Why do I feel torn today? W will never know. I guess days like this just happen. Trying to let it ride.
me: 47, W:49 M 16.5 years T 17 years Three kids - D17,D14, S13 Heart 2 heart about M 11/8/13 Bomb drop 11/29/13 W moved out 12/5/13 I Retained L 2/20/14 D filed 3/17/14
Artsy nailed it. It's very scary. Maybe it wasn't the best R for you or her, but your W has been around, at least, for 17 years. I have had the same thoughts - it is scary going from having at least something that you had hope might someday work out, to having nothing. (In terms of a "romantic" relationship - obviously neither of us have nothing.)
It's scary to have no idea what the future holds. As others may point out, you didn't really know before either, but I think you had a pretty good idea, anyway.
I'm confused about whether you filed. I thought you filed on 2/20, but you said you are getting a draft today. Is the draft of the D petition or something else?
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
Why do I continue to question something that was clearly not healthy for me? Moving on is the correct thing at this point. Why do I feel torn today? W will never know. I guess days like this just happen. Trying to let it ride.
Yes, days like that do happen even years later (as I've learned!) Sometimes your feelings will pop up at the strangest times and for seemingly no reason. The key is not to worry about why you feel that way, but just let yourself feel that way. The book "The Happiness Trap" gives some really great insight into feelings, and that no feelings are really "good" or "bad", that's just meaning we assign to them. ALL feelings are valid and we shouldn't fight them or push them away, but we also shouldn't let them take over our lives. Experience the feelings, let them flow through you like water across a creek bed and don't fret over what they mean.
Artsy nailed it. It's very scary. Maybe it wasn't the best R for you or her, but your W has been around, at least, for 17 years. I have had the same thoughts - it is scary going from having at least something that you had hope might someday work out, to having nothing. (In terms of a "romantic" relationship - obviously neither of us have nothing.)
It's scary to have no idea what the future holds. As others may point out, you didn't really know before either, but I think you had a pretty good idea, anyway.
I'm confused about whether you filed. I thought you filed on 2/20, but you said you are getting a draft today. Is the draft of the D petition or something else?
Hi M and Artsy. Thanks for checking my thread. M, I was confused too. I've never done this before and While my brother is also a L a I do not ask his advice on this matter. I told the L to proceed and provided him my signed agreement on 2/20. I followed up with him a week later to find out that they were still awaiting the full retainer before doing much of anything. he has just completed the Petition and is sending me the draft today...whew. A lot to learn. his paralegal also sent me a worksheet to fill out for what we own and so forth. I have to get that back to him. he mentioned in the email that his petition will spell out the basics of what I want (i.e. custody arrangements, etc.) but I still need to fill out the worksheet to get them the details on what we own and what its worth. I HATE HATE HATE this.
Yes, change is the thing. Something I knew vs. something I don't know. I felt good during workout this morning. I am happy that exercise helps to alleviate the anxiety.
me: 47, W:49 M 16.5 years T 17 years Three kids - D17,D14, S13 Heart 2 heart about M 11/8/13 Bomb drop 11/29/13 W moved out 12/5/13 I Retained L 2/20/14 D filed 3/17/14
Why do I continue to question something that was clearly not healthy for me? Moving on is the correct thing at this point. Why do I feel torn today? W will never know. I guess days like this just happen. Trying to let it ride.
Yes, days like that do happen even years later (as I've learned!) Sometimes your feelings will pop up at the strangest times and for seemingly no reason. The key is not to worry about why you feel that way, but just let yourself feel that way. The book "The Happiness Trap" gives some really great insight into feelings, and that no feelings are really "good" or "bad", that's just meaning we assign to them. ALL feelings are valid and we shouldn't fight them or push them away, but we also shouldn't let them take over our lives. Experience the feelings, let them flow through you like water across a creek bed and don't fret over what they mean.
AS this is good stuff. I was starting to think like this a little today. I even visualized it like water...lol I have the weirdest urge to call W and say...."WHY??? do we need to do this????...." I won't get an answer and I'm not going to do it. I'm just writing it here. UGH. Today is good in many ways and tomorrow will be better still.
me: 47, W:49 M 16.5 years T 17 years Three kids - D17,D14, S13 Heart 2 heart about M 11/8/13 Bomb drop 11/29/13 W moved out 12/5/13 I Retained L 2/20/14 D filed 3/17/14
I hear you. It seems ridiculous to me, all the hoops you have to jump through to get D. The time, the money, the pain the ass factor. It seems to be it would be a lot less work to just fix the M, but whatever.
I also hate the fact that this is where we are . . . disassembling everything we worked so hard for so many years to build. It's sad.
Didn't mean to hijack, just wanted to empathize.
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
I hear you. It seems ridiculous to me, all the hoops you have to jump through to get D. The time, the money, the pain the ass factor. It seems to be it would be a lot less work to just fix the M, but whatever.
I also hate the fact that this is where we are . . . disassembling everything we worked so hard for so many years to build. It's sad.
Didn't mean to hijack, just wanted to empathize.
M, you didn't hijack. and yes I agree with you. that's pretty much it. I HATE THIS WHOLE THING.....She said it must be what I ant because I've looked for ways out in the past and now I've seen a L. UGH. I asked for change. Not for the M to end. Oh well.
me: 47, W:49 M 16.5 years T 17 years Three kids - D17,D14, S13 Heart 2 heart about M 11/8/13 Bomb drop 11/29/13 W moved out 12/5/13 I Retained L 2/20/14 D filed 3/17/14
Just wanted to say I am sending you positive thoughts your way. One way to look at it is that, we really never know what the future holds. Really. I had no idea H was going to tell me while folding laundry that he didn't think he was in love with me anymore and had always loved me more than I loved him. I was floored. That was a bad surprise, but I never anticipated it to happen:)
Anyway, it looks like you are doing what is best for you and that is what is most important. I agree that working on the m is best, but honestly I think it really says a great deal about someone's character who is not willing to try together with their spouse for a year. But that is just me.
Take care!
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
