Should I continue to try to save our marraige

[claire7]

Thanks Roberta.

Unfortunately we still have a joint account at the moment and I don't think he'd be happy seeing such a large unexplained charge going through so I need to wait till we split our finances or try to hide it from him somehow.

Does anyone have any advise in the meantime?

Can you open up your own credit card? I've heard it's MUCH easier to do that while married than after you get divorced, especially if you don't have your own credit history...
Claire

[jm1]

This might not be the right place to post, but can anyone tell me what kind of success rate divorce busting has? I know it doesn't work for everyone but just looking for a glimmer of hope this evening.

[MrBond]

There is NO program that can give you a definite guarantee of saving your M. It depends on how well you stick with the program and your spouse's reaction.

I myself saved my M and I know many others who have as well. Concentrate on yourself first.

[jm1]

Thanks C7. I'm between jobs so I can't open up a CC without my H knowledge. Or pay the bill for that matter lol.

[jm1]

So a lot has happened in the last week or so.

I've let the nanny go so I don't need to be reminded of what led to the failure of our marriage.

Living in the Caribbean at the moment but seriously considering a move back to the UK. This would make things very real. I would reckon if I do that there would be no chance of reconciliation. I have a 2 month old and a 2 year old so life as a single mom is going to be hard no matter where I live...

Given the possible move I unintentionally broke the no relationship talk rule! Doh! My husband is so stubborn that I believe that we must be truly over. However we've still not made our separation public- by his request.

Has anyone else been in a situation were they thought there was no hope left?

[hope456]

I think virtually all of reach points where we think there is no hope left. That's where I've been lately, but I refuse to give up, so I'm just focusing on myself and my D7 as much as possible.

I realize it is probably difficult with two kids who are so young, but have you been doing anything to GAL? It helps to get your mind off the situation so you aren't in that highly emotional state all the time.

[jm1]

Thanks H456. It's good to hear I'm not the only one thinking those thoughts. I've been getting out and playing sport and going to a couple of social events. I've managed to lose the baby weight and more (Don't think my H has noticed though- LOL). With the nanny gone it's going to be more difficult to do these things but I agree with you how important they are. They make me feel so good. I feel like the real me is back : )

[jm1]

Ok, so its been a mixed couple of days.

H hung out with us till the kids bedtime tonight. I felt like we had fun playing and swimming with the kids. It felt like things were good again except from the odd devastating comment that H made. My mum is planning to visit in a couple of months time- he told me I'd need to tell her that we've separated. I felt upset- he's been the one driving the secrecy. That and other comments made it clear that he has no intention of ever moving back. He told me he thinks we work well as business partners and on our various projects but not as a couple. To me that seems like the best foundation for a relationship...

I think part of the problem is caused by H having a MLC. I keep reminding myself that if it is a MLC there is nothing I can do but focus on myself : )

[jm1]

Its our wedding anniversary next month. I'm thinking I should plan to do something by myself to take my mind off of it.

Does anyone have any suggestions about what to do or what they have done when anniversaries have come up?

[claire7]

jm1--

My anniversary was a week after my H BD and left. So, yeah, I have some experience with handling anniversaries. I cancelled the plans I had made for our anniversary, and instead I went out to a fun dinner with friends, and stayed in a hotel while H stayed in the apartment with our D. The next day I got a facial/massage. Basically stayed busy, treated myself to a relaxing day, tried not to wallow, but also allowed myself to feel very very sad.

Oh, and I made a HUGE DB mistake-- wrote a majorly apologetic (though also very validating) card, and bought a small but meaningful gift. Clearly I had not yet read DB!

Do something great for yourself-- buy new, sexy underwear, or a new outfit, do something luxurious and indulgent. It's a great opportunity to show yourself and the world that YOU ARE STRONG and can be amazing and happy without him.