I haven't been posting as much lately, but I continually read others stories on here and take strength from them. My H has continued to be bitter in all of our conversations and I have managed (even shocking to myself) to keep my cool through it all. He brings up the marriage a lot, how I ruined it, how I am responsible completely for our lost relationship. It hurts, but I try to look past it. He will not answer any of my texts regarding finances, unless he either texts me first or calls me. When he does call me on the premises of finances, it somehow ends up being about how I failed as a wife. For example, I've been bugging him about taxes for 3 months now. He finally gets around to doing it and wants me to sign the papers that very second, when perchance I have to get my car battery changed. I asked if he could give them to my sister and I'll mail them out when I sign them, but he's insistent I sign them in person that very moment. I told him on the phone that I couldn't sign them because if I didn't get my battery changed I couldn't go to work, and then I couldn't afford to pay rent. He then says something to the effect that he feels bad I'm so broke and he feels responsible. (Yes, he left me without a dime but I have slowly made it back on my feet). So I just tell him I'm a big girl and I can take care of myself, and the decisions I have made were my own. And he was a bit shocked to hear me say that, as if he expected me to go off on him. I didn't take the bait.
These things really are hard to hear, but I try not to take them personally. That has been the most challenging bit in all of this. Sometimes when I can't help but to wonder if he's found someone else and it makes me a bit jealous, but I know from these forums that it's no good thinking that way so I try to relax and think about what I can do to improve myself and make myself happy. I know that is the true key to happiness.
Even when I stop exercising or eat poorly again, I remind myself why I was doing it in the first place and go back again. I even started to try new make up ideas that will make me feel better about myself, new haircut ideas as well. I want to vamp up my self and give myself some more self-confidence.
Anyway, I appreciate the support of this forum, and though I'll be heading to surviving the big D soon enough, I feel comfortable here for now.
Wow, it honestly sounds like your H really needs some help. He seems like an arse with a side of bitter. It's one thing to think that the relationship didn't work and it's yet another to make it entirely the other persons fault and keep harping on that. Whatever happens in the future, it's almost guaranteed that you'll end up in a better place with more peace. Hang in there. We're with you.
Hey Lost! So sorry your H is being a jerk. Its great to here that you are getting stronger and on your feet inspite of the circumstances.
I was not a make up person before BD but im looking into it more Nd more as well. For the last few weeks I have been in search of the Wet 'n' Wild brand mega last lipsticks b/c some reviews say the wear and color pigment rivals Mac....but they are only $2 lol they are very hard to find so I go on hunts for them at random stores...I have so much time for think kind of stuff now
I hope things get better for you w/ concern to the interaction w/ your H. Keep us updated !
me: 30 H:30 tgthr:7 m:4 no kids 5 counseling sessions initiated by H as a LR: Oct 2012 long distance marriage b/c of work since Nov 2012 official BD: July 2013 nothing filed 1/1/14 I dropped the rope
Thank you for both of your answers. I really do appreciate the support unbidden. This forum has really helped me through.
Mimi it's funny you should mention Wet 'n' Wild. I see it all over the place out here (California). Well in all the major stores like Target, Walmart, etc. I have Mac as well, but I agree with you that's extremely expensive for something you can get the same thing for much cheaper. I've tried both and do not noticed much of a difference.
Thank you for the comments! I will keep you all updated.
