Spectators in life, "occupy space". But Dad's celebrate their kids' birthdays. Please do that with/for her.
And I think sandi(?) had a great idea about you inviting your d along with you for a shopping trip for YOU to update your wardrobe. My d's loved buying their dad clothes "if he promises to wear it!" And he does.
Luke, you have a good mind, a good heart and a healthy body.
That is a winning combination. Enjoy
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
The occupy space thing was the (typically mild, which is one of their favorite words) Swedish way of saying "assert yourself!". They are, generally speaking, not so emotionally expansive here...
Yes, I'll take up sandi's idea of shopping for Dad. Lord knows, I could use it!
Thanks for your kind words. I have much and many to be grateful for.
Action - I expected and got breakfast made for me today, after the girls said no thanks to my offer of whole grain waffles (yum). Partook (what a wonderful, old fashioned, word) in the breakfast conversation, occupying verbal space, so to speak. As they say at EE, "I am XX and I am here".
Long run today. Already 50F, with an occasional merry breeze stretching the flag.
Have a good Sunday -
L
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
W and d16 were outside planting yesterday, and we had lunch in the 55F sunshine, amazing for an Alaskan latitude in early March. I learned that beans are being sown, that d16 is thinking of working for a month this summer at a local plant nursery again, and that she is thinking of climbing Sweden's highest mountain this summer. Both the working and climbing probably originate from my W.
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
i would suggest making the shopping trip grand. go big. make it a day trip, take a train if possible. breakfast, shop, dinner, movie. go to stores in an area your daughter normally would not go.
dont go to the local stores she knows so well. you can do that another time. buy for her, let her pick for you. have some pictures taken of the two of you.
make it a shopping trip she wont soon forget.
and do not, under any circumstances, take w with you.
this is your gift, your idea. make the day last as long as possible.
"In a ham and eggs breakfast, the hen is involved, but the pig is committed".
Both the working and climbing probably originate from my W.
Really? When I read this, I though I saw some of dad too.
Okay, so how can you use this information to get a new avenue of shared interest with your D? Maybe she can teach you a few things. Could be a new switch, since you said your role is mostly in the form of a teacher.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Thanks for the suggestions. Yes, we will go to Stockholm and make a day of it, with a restaurant meal and cafe break. If W proposes to come along, I'll say no thanks.
W had idea of climbing Sweden's highest a few years ago, when s20 had finished junior high. He and two friends and I were one group, and got to the first, lower, peak (there is a saddle between it and the true top), while d12, who walked with W, and pooped out earlier, didn't get as far. This will thus be a second attempt. It'll be interesting to see whether I, the usual beast of burden, am invited, as the best climbing plan involves camping in the bowl beneath the top, and so someone would need to carry the tent etc. Of course the women could do this too, but it is generally my role. We'll see.
Adventure is something I like, mind you, I arranged a surprise trip to bike in Iceland with W when we were courting, and we hiked and camped a good deal.
I don't know, but suspect, that the work again this summer plan originated from my W. If so, I wish she had discussed it with me, or had at least let me know. I think the idea is good, but feel like I am being kept out of the loop a bit.
I don't want this to be an arms race (i.e. the trip d16 gets from me is "better" than that from my W) or a beat you to the punch thing (W books a trip for she and d16 first, thus preempting my doing so), but am not sure how to handle it.
d16 is coming home early all week - yay - perhaps we'll go to a south facing slope near here known for early flowers.
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
luke, i got into an "arms race" with my x over my daughter and what i did for my daughter. (i dont know if x ever noticed, doesnt matter)
and it was the best thing that ever happened.
i recognized that in that type of war, my daughter is the winner. she gets more from both of us. i used it as a motivator.
i would suggest using the time between now and the shopping trip to listen to what your daughter's interests are, prod if needed, and come up with an idea for a trip/outing based on what your daughter has been sharing, and then use the shopping trip to discuss that trip with your daughter. "i've noticed you're excited about climbing that mountain, what do you feel about climbing this other one with me as practice?"
make it in the near future, and then, while planning and executing that trip, listen for the what could be the next. let one trip lead you into the next.
enjoy it, get excited about it, get d excited about it.
and it doesnt have to be grand, it just has to be about you and your daughter, doing what interests her.
and dont even consider what w thinks.
"In a ham and eggs breakfast, the hen is involved, but the pig is committed".
