Hi, I'm new here and I realize that I might be posting in the wrong place… I'm a 29 year old M, my W of 6 years got involved in an A with a mutual friend of ours (also married) that she is in a band with. The A started somewhere towards the end of last year. I picked up that things are not right especially with the OM at our house the whole time! Also allot on late nights on band business. My W denied having an A when I confronted her. I discovered the evidence this January and confronted her, she confessed to the A and said she was in love with the OM and that she want a D. I also made all the early day mistakes but got good solid advice from my friends and church. I am working on me:) She is currently living in our house, I have moved out and is staying with friends. I want to move back, but she said she would then move out. She said she would stop the relationship with the OM but still wants a D, but it has been two months and she has not taken any steps towards a D. when I ask her about it she would say that she is still unsure and confused. We see each other two or three times a week in "scheduled" meetings. She will also be seeing the OM at least two time over the week for band related commitments she does not want to cancel. I love my W dearly and wants reconciliation. I have a lot of clarity about what I did wrong in our M and I am fully committed to doing thing differently. My big question: should I move back? I am worried that things are to comfortable for my W. My W used to work for a Co that I am an owner of, but is now on part time working from home. She is looking for a job and it looks like finances is a big issue for her now. The OM does not have a job/stable income. Things are dragging out.. She does not want to reconcile but is not moving forward with D. She is saying she wants the D because of the things that was wrong in our M, but I know that the OM is still a big consideration in her mind. Maybe moving back will push things in a direction? Apologies for grammar/spelling mistakes, English is not my first language..
Any advise?
Thanks for all who are sharing, I am getting a lot of encouragement on this site!
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We do not have children, we have been trying for a baby from 2011 till end of 2012. This was hard for my W, towards the end of 2012 my W became depressed. Start of 2013 she joined a band and almost gave up on the idea of a family. It was as if the band had replaced this desire... I saw some "red flags" with this but supported her. The band became very successful towards the middle of 2013. At this point they started touring and having a lot of late nights, this started to cause real tension between us... I could see she is becoming to close with the OM but didn't realize it was that serious. She seems to be sticking to her commitment to break contact with the OM, but is still saying that she wants a D. What is making this more difficult is that she would have to leave the band as well, being in a band has been a dream of hers. We live in Africa, so time differences and call cost will make the telephone couching difficult, are there any other way of doing this? e.g Skype? My big question is still whether I should move back home? This might cause her move out.. This is very difficult for me, hard to get my mind on work etc..
