Confused as to which direction I should go?

[bjudge]

I have been reading the posts on this site for days and decided to join...

I am unsure which direction I need to go or what. I am really confused right now as to what to do and hoping that someone can offer up some advice and hope.

A little over 2 years ago around the time that my son moved out of the house my W started to become more independent, spending time with friends, going out and developed a number of relationships with co-workers (mostly guys because she works for an engineering company) etc... Last year this behavior began bothering me so I withdrew from her. Fast forward to 9/2013 after she returned from a work trip, I didn't welcome her home with open arms so as the day went on she packed a bag and said that she was leaving for a week to figure things out. I was leaving in a couple of days for a work trip and we discussed re-visiting what was going on. She left for a few hours and returned home after speaking with a friend who told her that she shouldn't have left. We discussed our issues and set expectations. During this time I have begun exercising and started seeing a therapist.

However, fast forward to now and the W has become emotionally disconnected, not to just me but our D as well. We have had many conversations about this but I end up with going off crying somewhere while she gets on her phone. The other day we had another conversation where the W indicated that she felt like needing a number of weeks away to try and figure out why she has become so disconnected at home. She continues to say that she is committed and wants our M to work. Our sex life is great and she tells me ILY daily but if I didn't come home for a week I don't think she would care.

So I am confused as to what step/process this is? We are going to the Movies this weekend and discussed the other day about having a date night each week. I am miserable on a daily basis and some days can't even function.

I have read Sandi's tips but they seem to apply to those who are on the verge of D, we have only discussed separation.

Any advice/direction/help would be greatly appreciated.

[bjudge]

The last couple of days I have been reading through the forums and getting more questions in my head than answers.

I've begun doing some of the items from Sandi's list but again unsure if they really apply here. Still somewhat confused. Any guidance would be great.

[bjudge]

I am bumping this because I am on moderation so my posts aren't showing up instantly...

Went to dinner and the movies yesterday. The night went well actually and there was only one disagreement but it resolved itself.

I have been trying to GAL and it is extremely hard to not ask about certain aspects of her life but I am fighting the temptations.

I am also trying to have patience which has always been difficult for me.

Anyone have any words or advice to my original post?

Thanks.

[bjudge]

This is post is just sort of journaling but if anyone has any feedback to this or my previous posts it would be greatly appreciated....

This morning did not hear from W when she got to work as usual and then a random text in the middle of the day inquiring why I was being quiet. I responded and from there it was just general conversation.

I have read over Sandi's list multiple times and still working on applying them. I got a different hair cut and made a list of things to do so that I will stay busy instead of thinking what she is doing when not home. I am struggling with not wanting to talk about the relationship. When that happens I just come here and read different posts to keep me on track.

I have other questions but will wait until I get some responses.

[wdoido]

Do you fear that she may be having an affair? I get this sense after reading your post. Yet in a different post (different topic) you also mentioned that your sex life with your wife is very good. This seems odd to me, because as a woman I find it very difficult to have sex with my husband if I feel unconnected. Your porn addition (reference from a different post) may have caused your wife to distance herself emotionally from you. Many women feel unloved and rejected when they find out that their husbands fantasize about other women. It injures them deeply, and they have a very difficult time dealing with this revelation about their husband's secret lust.

[bjudge]

In need of encouragement...

Yesterday did not go well at all. W came home late (as usual). She stopped to get materials to do a project for a co-worker. I was actually in a good mood yesterday but once again as soon as she arrived an ate all she did was text and Snap Chat people. The night ended on a sour note when she started questioning a working relationship that I have. Back story, a female co-worker that now works in a different department had commented months ago that I seemed to be the perfect man and that if both were single she would "throw her hat into the ring". Having experienced an EA/PA 9 years ago, I quickly negated her comments and since have kept our conversations business oriented with the occasionally "how's life" conversation.

So last night my W brought this up wondering if I was holding back information of which I am not. She didn't seem to believe what I was saying and then just became even more detached as the night went on even not speaking when she got into bed and she always says "goodnight". Because of this I deviated from Sandi's list and found myself trying to get attention from her. She in turn indicated that everything was fine. So I just laid in the bed angry, really angry. I just wanted to explode. I don't see how or know if I can truly do this. How are we supposed to GAL and to the 180s if this in turn just causes our S to make us feel like crap.

This morning came and barely any emotion from her.

Again, needless to say I could use some encouragement.

[bjudge]

Do you fear that she may be having an affair? I get this sense after reading your post. Yet in a different post (different topic) you also mentioned that your sex life with your wife is very good. This seems odd to me, because as a woman I find it very difficult to have sex with my husband if I feel unconnected. Your porn addition (reference from a different post) may have caused your wife to distance herself emotionally from you. Many women feel unloved and rejected when they find out that their husbands fantasize about other women. It injures them deeply, and they have a very difficult time dealing with this revelation about their husband's secret lust.

Thanks for the response......from snooping (which I have quit doing) and the fact that our sex life hasn't changed, I do not suspect an affair which makes her actions even more confusing.

[bjudge]

bump....looking for any additional advice....

[woundedfool]

Have you read DR or DB... If not, do so.

[Cadet]

I have a question about Moderation. Do you know when a person comes off moderation? I thought by now that I would have but that doesn't seem to be the case.

Thank you.

The bottom line is to keep posting and soon you will be off of it.