There's a new twist in my story now though as I found out yesterday (accidentally!) that my H slept with another W a few days ago - it didnt come as too much of a surprise as I knew about the EA and knew that he was "exploring" his new found freedom and single life so it was pretty much sure to happen.
He left 6 weeks ago and said he didnt know how he feels so its over "for now" whilst he figures out what he wants - I stupidly pushed for a decision on if he was willing to work on our marriage which of course pushed him away so much and he completely withdrew and said it was over for good. Regret that after reading DR but too late to go back now.
Since then i've implemented the 180 as best I can and left him to it as much as possible, its been quite successful and certainly sparked a change in his attitude and behavior towards me. Since finding out yesterday it seems to have brought it closer together somehow?!! He's opened up so much, more than he has for years, he's been so honest about his real feelings and his fears and why he's done what hes done etc - he said he feels so much closer to me and like we have our connection back, I agree. Last night we talked a lot, we cried together, we both wished the nightmare would end... he seems to be a little more open to the idea that we could try and work things out when we're both in a better place, I didn't ask any questions as didn't want to pressure though.
I just want some advice on how to move forward from this? Do I continue to allow him to open up when he wants to and continue to connect or do I leave him to it? Do I ask him to cut contact with the OW or just not mention it? HELP!!!
Divorce Final: Oct 2014
Your struggles today, develop strength for tomorrow...
Thanks, thats what I was thinking as hard as it is!
I also must add, we had sex last night... it wasnt planned and I dont think if it was the best thing to happen. We were talking and then cuddling and he started to kiss me, I asked what was going on and he said "i'm just doing what feels right" and so one thing led to another.
Have I messed up? Should I have stopped it or gone with the flow?!
Divorce Final: Oct 2014
Your struggles today, develop strength for tomorrow...
I've gone completely NC except the kids drop/collect and work (we work together) when absolutely necessary - he wants the single life then he can have it without me around, I don't wish to watch him or be part of his new destructive life.
Very hard though trying to move myself & the kids forwards.
Divorce Final: Oct 2014
Your struggles today, develop strength for tomorrow...
Thanks, thats what I was thinking as hard as it is!
I also must add, we had sex last night... it wasnt planned and I dont think if it was the best thing to happen. We were talking and then cuddling and he started to kiss me, I asked what was going on and he said "i'm just doing what feels right" and so one thing led to another.
Have I messed up? Should I have stopped it or gone with the flow?!
That's a deeply personal decision (with two just-as-strong schools of thought around here), but if you DO continue to have physical contact with him, I hope you used protection??? If he recently had sex with another woman, you have to go by the assumption that theirs was NOT safe sex, and proceed accordingly.
You should probably have yourself tested.
Sorry to be so blunt, but I'm not telling you anything that your doctor wouldn't tell you, and I had to do this myself, sadly.
My stbxh is with another woman, she's less than desirable (ex addict, pickpocket, children in care, 10yrs older) and I can't stop thinking about them together I can't stop obsessing about it & wondering why he's chosen her over me?
It's driving me insane, does this get easier? How can I move past this?
Divorce Final: Oct 2014
Your struggles today, develop strength for tomorrow...
trying to move myself & the kids forwards.