Don't worry Nettles, I feel just fine. I actually just find what she does kind of entertaining.
Good to know you are in a good place. Based on the ages of the kids, it looks like you have 15-18 years of entertainment ahead.
me: 45 W:45 M 20 years T 22 years S14, S13, S11, D9 BD 2/28/14 D papers served 3/3/14 I moved out 3/15/14 MC start 4/2/14 I moved in 6/2/14 D suit withdrawn 6/30/14
Wow, entertainment? Enoy the train wreck? Just, wow.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
Just dont let the trainwreck of her new life with the new kid spill into your kids' lives. She is still their mother and what happens to her affects them as well.
I feel for ya man...
Me: 42 W: 32 Married 7 years together 8.5 S1: 7 S2:7 Bomb #1: 09-16-13 Recon #1: 11/13 A discovered 04-03-2014 W filed D 05-19-14 but never served me I filed D 12-02-2014 S 05-31-14 Divorced 5-19-16
I've been GAL a little more lately. I think I've settled on a new hobby I want to take up and am looking forward to. I'm seeing a counselor to help me eliminate my nice guy tendencies. I'm definitely taking all the issues W into consideration as they were valid - leadership, assertiveness. I'm planning out my days better, coming up with goals I want to accomplish, and I have become more assertive at work at least. Definitely more to work on, but I do know that I became lazy in the latter part of our marriage and just focused too much on my kids. It takes two people for a marriage to not work and I take full responsibility for my half.
Originally Posted By: pilot
Just dont let the trainwreck of her new life with the new kid spill into your kids' lives. She is still their mother and what happens to her affects them as well.
Thinking more about this lately. Yes I don't want W's life to go bad. Even though she massively disrespected me and treated me like garbage, she's still the mother of my kids and I don't want her to end up in a bad spot.
Speaking of W.... She's basically now lying to OM now more than me. She has tried flirting with me, wanting to sleep with me, and send me pictures. I have turned her down. I told her I don't think OM would like that you're doing this. She didn't seem to care...
Several days ago she told me she no longer wanted to be with OM and wanted to be with me. I told her she has to prove herself. So last Monday she tried breaking up with OM.... couldn't do it. Then they argued some more and she broke up with him this past Friday. And he called her a bunch of horrible names. I was GAL Friday night and dropped the kids off at her place. She looked pretty down and hurt, so I asked her if she needed a hug and she said yes.
Of course the next day they got back together. When she told me in a sort of ashamed text, I simply replied that if she wants to be with somebody who thinks of her that way, go right ahead. And she must think pretty lowly of herself if she thinks this is the best she could do.
She left me a voice mail agreeing with me and that she knows it will happen again and she just doesn't know how to come back to me even though she claims she wants to. They got into another fight on Sunday. She broke up with him over a text, blocked his number, and then changed her phone number.
I know growing up W saw her dad yell at her mom, and maybe she thinks that's what she needs. I don't know. I can be more assertive for sure, but I'm not going to start calling her names, or become a complete control freak like OM. That was another issue W has with OM, is that he didn't like that she would have to watch her kids and he wanted all of her time.
(BTW all this info comes from W herself, so you know, may not be fully true. She did change her phone number though. That is a fact.)
I notice that when I'm even just a little nice to W, she withdraws back. When I become forceful in tone with her, or straight up tell her actions of hers I don't like (like not watching the kids), or just ignore her she'll try to flirt with me a little bit later. I just don't think I have it in me to become a 100% a-hole.
Anyways, the divorce should be finalized in three weeks. I've got to run the papers by my lawyer soon.
You do not have to be an ahole. Your W is still seriously confused. Now she is probably in panic mode because your D is so close at hand, and now she realizes that the grass is anything BUT green with OM. You are smart to not let her just jump right back to you. Take it slow. She probably feels pressure to speed things up with you. Do not let the 3 weeks till your D is final change anything you are doing. Remember, even if you D, you can still R. Make sure that her wanting to be with you is because of you, and not because she is just scared.
Best of luck to you!
Me: 42 W: 32 Married 7 years together 8.5 S1: 7 S2:7 Bomb #1: 09-16-13 Recon #1: 11/13 A discovered 04-03-2014 W filed D 05-19-14 but never served me I filed D 12-02-2014 S 05-31-14 Divorced 5-19-16
W is back with OM, which is not a surprise. W keeps sending me emails, texting me (which I don't respond to) that she doesn't want it to be over between us, but her actions are to stay with OM. I told her I'm going through with the divorce and if she's serious about us this shouldn't stop her from leaving OM and we could consider R in the future.
W told the kids last week that she is pregnant. D6 is excited. S5 is a total boy and doesn't care. I'm going to stay pretty quiet on the matter and not bring it up. While I won't say anything negative about it, I just can't bring myself to be excited about it.
Also, we still haven't told the kids that we are divorced/are divorcing yet. I've brought it up to W, but she starts crying and says she can't do it and wants to wait until after the divorce is final (she wants to wait months after I guess). W told me she lied to OM that she told the kids.
It seems like the kids will correlate the divorce with the baby, but I don't know, hopefully not. I don't really want to solve W's problems anymore, so I don't really think about it.
I wish I could say I was a DB champ or something by now, but the detaching part has been tough with OM living a couple houses down. W comes to his place every now and then and a lot of people in our neighborhood know. It hasn't exactly been paradise.
I've got a court date for early August to finalize the divorce. When I told W about the date when she was dropping off the kids, she teared up and says it's too quick.
There's a part of me that agrees, that their relationship is going to end permanently in the not too distant future. But it's the baby thing that just makes it not possible to wait. I can't handle having W in constant contact with OM for the next 20 years. I just can't do it. Maybe somebody stronger than me could, but I've figured out what I can handle.
