Oh and if I were you, if you really wanted to save your M, you have to read DB or DR. It seems like you just want the fast solution with the least amount of work. I can kind of see where your W is coming from. There is no shortcut and no one should have to give you the answers that are in DB. You have to learn them yourself first and earn it.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I feel like you are waiting for somebody to tell you that you're right. Which you are not, but even if you were there is that old saying "do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy." I only know the little bit I read, but it seems like you want control more than the M. You really need to take a hard look at yourself and your M and figure out what you really want, if you want to continue drinking excessively and hanging out in strip clubs than you should let your wife go. Why make this harder on her and the kids if all of your changes are fake. I get the sense that if you get your marriage back you will revert back to your old ways and will end up in the same situation anyway. The changes should be for you, not simply to get your wife back.
Me-44 (45) H- 50 (51) M-'96
S-18(20)D-15(17)D-12(14)
BD Feb 2014 (he works overseas) home Oct(sep rooms) (EAs possible Pa's unconfirmed) insists wants D through July 2015 no more talk of D since
Anyways I've kept going to meetings. I just took 2 months today, also I haven't smoked in 4 months.
I'm looking into a different type of therapy. And a new counselor.
Would I be doing any of this if I was still married? No...
If it's all for me I wouldn't do it. I wouldn't have done it before. I must be missing something here.. Because if it's all for me and not getting my family back there really isn't a point to doing any of it.
I've read this a few times on these boards: "be the man any woman would be a fool to leave."
I understand where you are coming from, it is hard to change, especially if they are not changes we really want. Maybe ask yourself why you don't want to change. I'm doing things that I don't necessarily want to do either but in the end I feel better when I do them. If my H didn't drop the bomb would I be doing them right now? I don't know. But I know they have been issues for him and I want my H and my family back.
You are making changes and You may or may not get your family back, that's scary. But it's pretty much guaranteed if you don't change you will not get your family back.
Have you read DB or DR? It doesn't seem like you have. Maybe somebody with more experience can chime in. You have to get to the point where you are happy with yourself and will be happy regardless of what your W decides. I'm not sure I'm making sense but I will say this, if the changes are temporary, only to get your W back, and you do not plan on maintaining the changes than it is futile. You will end up right back in the same situation.
Me-44 (45) H- 50 (51) M-'96
S-18(20)D-15(17)D-12(14)
BD Feb 2014 (he works overseas) home Oct(sep rooms) (EAs possible Pa's unconfirmed) insists wants D through July 2015 no more talk of D since
