I have been married for 32 years. My husband and i have always had a difficult time living under the same roof because he was a gambler so we have been living 3 miles from each other for the last 20 years and still having a marriage. He has always been there for me and we have both been very faithful. Unfortunately at the age of 52 I lost my job and slid into a state of (something?) and mid last year I did what no one today around me including myself can understand. I started to have randam sex and then hooked up with a sex buddy. This has never been me as i have never wanted or cared for sex at all for the past 30 years and no one saw this coming. My husband tryed to comitt suicide and cryed and begged for along time but oi had no remorse and kept going. He said after a few months he would wait for the obsession with the other man to pass and loved me. We kept having the same relationship together even though he was very upset and unhappy. I truely went off the rails and didn't care about that and was hoping to run off into the sunset with my sex buddy. This sex buddy was a nasty man who treated me very badly and that was never going to happen but i was so in love....blind. My hisband and i have never in 32 years had a sex life so to speak and i always found him to be unsatisfactory to me..got infections or found him unappealing. I never knew if it was all the resentment i had toward him for all the years of gambling and the violence etc through the first half of out marriage. Over the last 16 years we have become like old soul mates with our battle scars and age and things were alot less volatile. He loved sex with me and yet i just didn't. Then i had this fantastic sex and was hooked and lost my self. My 29 year old son disowned me and i lost him and my grandson but kept on going. My husband met this woman my age at the pub we went to and together they got along and during this rampage of mine toward the end he went to her house one night and after they sat up talking all night he was hooked and when i came around the next day to tell him in all honesty i had had enough of what i was doing and wanted to stop he told me it was too late and we were finished. That was 4 weeks ago. He has had his head filled with stuff by her and kept saying he could never forgive me for all i had done. Just a day before he stayed the night there he was not saying and acting that way. I tryed a week after he told me that to ask him to stop etc but he said it was now too late and now he goes to stay over night and all weekend with this women that lives 1 mile down the road from me every day. He told my 23 year old daughter yesterday he does not love her but is loving all the attention and sex she is providing and dosn't know what feelings he has for me after all this is happening. This looks alot like a rebound...she after 3 weeks was complaining about the fact we were still married and rings, texts and asks to see him every day. Seems very controlling. My husband has never been unfaithful and it is not in his character either to do this. He is so angry at me and i know i deserve this but how do i reach him past this other women and get him to see me as i am now and want to try and repair our relationship? I am so unwell with stress at the moment and have stopped seeing him etc for the past 3 weeks (no contact) to give him space etc but don't know if that is a good idea. He has told my daughter he is worried if i come around to visit him i will try and get him into bed and so is this opther women. I know he still cares for me but i feel this is a race against time here.
As a couple, you two could use some therapy. First, before the two of you get 'back together' you both should be checked out by a medical doctor to check for any sexually transmitted diseases. Second, I suggest you talk to a DB coach to get guidance and clarity on why you did what you did. If saving the relationship is your goal, they will help you come up with a specific plan on how to go forward. When you start interacting and communicating with your spouse in a different way, you will then have the opportunity to actually work on your marriage. Take care.
Karen, Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004 karen@divorcebusting.com
Give me a call if you'd like to schedule an appointment to speak with a Divorce Busting® Coach.
As a couple, you two could use some therapy. First, before the two of you get 'back together' you both should be checked out by a medical doctor to check for any sexually transmitted diseases.
