I can relate to a W having some deep family of origin issues. My STBX says that is just who she is and she isn't gonna change. That is the big reason why the wheels came off after we reconciled. It is unfortunate.
That being said, the self growth that you are experiencing is absolutely necessary. You will have new relationship skills for any future relationship, whether it is with your W or a new person. I can assure you, the work is worth it.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
Today is the day I pick up the rest of my things from my W apartment. I spent only one month there, but I made it cozy while she was off thinking about OM. The last time I was there she didn't make many changes except to her bedroom. Her Christmas presents were finally unwrapped but laying next to the wall exactly where I left them.
I see so many people going through this at years and decades into their marriages and it makes me question the validity of the marriage. Every hurtful word my W had said to me piercing my heart. Last night I had a dream we were getting M again, only this time the only familiar faces in the crowd were my closest loved ones and passed loved ones that did not make it to the wedding. The entire time thinking "why are we even putting on this show when we are separated?" I woke up thinking about the dream and laid in bed wondering if W and OM had gotten physical when we were together or since we separated. Hints and clues in their messages back and forth that suggest wanting to be together and get intimate. Messages my W doesn't know I saw.
I will be reading through the 37rules over and over again today. I will continue with the part I stopped at in DB. But I still question if what I had was real. We were M for only 4 months and 3+ she wasn't with me emotionally. The past year she wasn't with me emotionally. It's like every day I wake up lost, confused, and alone.
I will be praying for support and strength today to do the things I need to. Not the things I want to (scream at her and blame her). Any support or strong wishes are much appreciated. Thanks.
I think I got my answer. I prepared and went there. When she was 30 minutes late, I just told her it's no problem, take her time. I joked around with her. She asked me to use my truck to pick up her new bed while I had it. Of course being a nice guy, I agreed. We decided to load up my bed before going to get hers. As I was taking the frame apart she got up and walked away. I looked down near where she was and there was a condom wrapper laying. I yelled out to her "uh, I think this is yours." She yelled back in "don't start". I still went to the store to move her mattress. The rest of the time moving stuff, she acting like she was mad at me (real rational right?). Few words were exchanged like "you couldn't wait 2 more months until we're divorced?" She lied more. Finally, she tried to stop me in the doorway and tried to say something. I pushed past her and told her to F off and I never want to talk to her again. I think I have my answer of what I want to do. Thanks for the support. I know I will probably be back in a few days or weeks.
Good luck man. I hope you do come back. At the very least, you can use this time in your life to learn and grow.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
Well, to be honest, I will stay here because you guys are amazing support. I have a lot to gain by this for myself. I really appreciate the advice and just having people listen to me.
Quick update: W sent half hearted text saying "I am sorry". I ignored it. I'm done worrying about her or accepting half hearted apologies to be an option. I refuse to make someone my priority while I'm an option. I, myself, am my number one priority and I see that now. Thanks for the support.
In case anyone is still following, I have a quick update. W is still not accepting the fact of what she did/is doing. I told my family and friends of the story. It felt good to get it off my chest. I've been able to continue to focus on myself and move forward with my life and business. It's not how I saw my life going, but I am happy with where I am at today. Thank you all for the comments and suggestions!
