Separated and on a Walk

[paul19510]

hi all, I am starting new Thread. After some thought and advice, I'd like to try and reframe the way I'm looking at things. Step one, relax and try to let things flow without looking at my watch so much (thanks 25).

Reminders for today:
GAL - the gym was great, hockey tonight, tournament in NY this weekend
Family - the kids are off to school and everybody has what they need
Me - I am ready for work. let go, let go. Relax. fly the plane, everything's going to be ok. Just fly the plane.
M - I communicated briefly and politely with W via text when kids schedules changed around. I just let W know that I am out of pocket at meetings, my schedule changed and kids are aware they should reach out to her for help during the hours I am out of pocket.

[melissag]

Good for you, Paul. I think 25 had some great advice for you. I know sometimes it is hard when you see posts where you feel the person really misunderstands you - I have had a few of those. And sometimes they really do misunderstand, but most of the time, if you look at everything they said, you will find something in there that is helpful. And maybe something you feel defensive about because it's true. I haven't yet seen anyone post on my thread who was not trying to help. And it's good to be challenged - it spurs growth.

I know you said your M has been bad for a long while, and that is hard. Is there any reason that you need certainty right now about what will happen with your M?

[paul19510]

M thanks for the question. I am not sure why I am impatient. As an example my one friend had a bad M for 15 years and his W recently died. He wanted to move forward with his life and felt thag he'd already lost a lot of years. Without my W having the same thing I think my impatience is linked to that. I feel like I've already lost a lot of time. I do want someone that I can enjoy spending time with. W. would be my choice. I guess if she's not coming home I'd rather move on and perhaps enjoy the time with someone that likes spending time together.....perhaps that's the basis of my impatience...make sense?

[paul19510]

Ps and yes I agree 25 post has a point and I think struck a nerve. Growing as we speak.

[paul19510]

Its snowing again today. We have a Nor'easter bearing down on us today. I hope our trip to Niagara Falls will be a go. Snow is supposed to stop by late tonight. this winter has been harder than many in the past 15 years. Despite that fact, we are doing well here at home.

I was able to burn off some energy shoveling and there will be more of that today for sure. I feel calm today. I am going to just take this "new version of Life" one day at a time. I have been "checking the time" for too often. Today is good. There's no reason to think that tomorrow will not be good.

After a small flurry of contacts from W the other night about whether or not I wanted her to send a suitcase for the kids to use for our trip (she took a couple of them when she left) there has been no contact. That feels nice for today.

I had previously offered help when the weather was poor. I found that W did not want that and I also found that she had already met her needs by asking others to do things she needed (things I normally would have). So, there's no need to fall into that behavior anymore. I doesn't feel good for me to get turned down and I should not do what I was doing because I only hurt myself. If W wanted a Relationship with me, she'd say so. I can take her actions to be her voice about that. I need to keep walking on my current path. Continue to concentrate and being a good many and a great father.

have a warm, safe day!

[labug]

It'll be high 70s here today, I love it but what does that bode for summer?

"Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth" Pema Chodron.

Fear can be a great motivator, that's feally its purpose. Fear can also seem to masquerade as different emotions. Look at your fears and allow them to motivate you forward, not keep you stuck.

The world is our mirror. Sometimes we don't like what we see in that mirror.

Stay warm.

[paul19510]

It'll be high 70s here today, I love it but what does that bode for summer?

"Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth" Pema Chodron.

Fear can be a great motivator, that's feally its purpose. Fear can also seem to masquerade as different emotions. Look at your fears and allow them to motivate you forward, not keep you stuck.

The world is our mirror. Sometimes we don't like what we see in that mirror.

Stay warm.

Hi Bug! Will do! Wow its like you're inside my head...creepy right?

I had the same convo with my phone buddy yesterday. She asked me why I took the one down position and stayed there and why am I afraid to move away from that now that I have the chance to really make a clean slate while W is someplace else....?

She complimented my work thus far but reminded me, that continuing to rebuild my self esteem that I surrendered to this and make myself and my kids happy was my priority.

She sees a lot of the things that I have contact with W about as W now seeing the changes taking a stance for myself (not obsessing over W's opinion per se) just as yet more proof that I am changing, but there's more to come.

I envy your weather today. Please feel free to grab a shovel and come over with M. Ok, begging for help across the internet is now my new low LOL

I am laughing more and joking. that seems to indicate a positive change too. I need to do more of that.

have a great day and thanks for checking in on me.

[melissag]

Paul, I love reading your thread because you get some great input, and I feel like we are in a similar place even though our sitches are so different.

I would come help you shovel but I am [/i]super[i] busy today enjoying the 60 degree sunshine.

[melissag]

I really wish we could edit.

super

[paul19510]

I say this with all due respect to you and bug (I think you're both in the same vicinity) regarding the wonderful spring like weather you have today.... karma is a b!tch LOL you'll get you're just deserts for having 60s and 70s while we in the NE are buried alive....

BTW W just drove past my house and slowed down to wave while I was shoveling. She really had no reason to drive past. WAS are interesting poeple. I'm just going to say that was "interesting of her"