I am deviating from my trippy, life thread to address Valentine's Day this Friday. We are all in different places and I have to say, for me... last year was easier! My then WAW had left me for a "clear her head" separation (code for: date my AP without interruption) 2 weeks prior and I was picked up off the floor by a loving friend who took me to church to volunteer for a Valentine's Dinner mentally disabled adults. It was amazing.
Well this year, the W has been home, as some of you know, since October... and (queue the dramatic music) I have NO idea how to address the sappy, mushy, WORST day of the year, post-affair.
Part of me wants to sit back and let her take the lead, after all... she cheated. Woo me dang it! I deserve it. But then, it's a marriage, so what if I go all V-Day roses and card on her is it too pursuing and too soon.
Seriously. Somebody call Cupid and cancel Friday. I'm going to hide in the bushes as throw eggs at the pushy, little cherub when he flies by.
Me(F):40 WAW:44 T:13yrs M:9yrs BD:2/12 (I saw a text) ILYBINILWY: 5/12 PA admission: 12/12 (began 3/11) S:2/13 Moves in w/AP D begins: 7/13 W moves home to R: 10/13
How about a simple, romantic dinner at home? You can put out your best china and glassware at the table. Then reminisce about "when we first met...", "remember when...." as a way to re-bond your M relationship. Perhaps rent a DVD of your choice so you guys can cuddle up together on the sofa.
My H and I never got into 2/14, either. But why does it have to be mushy? Maybe just get some snacks and play board games or something?
(I'm also a huge fan of making cards, not buying them- maybe make her one like you would have made back in 3rd grade---that adds some humor and keeps things light while still letting the person know you acknowledged them on 2/14).
Just a thought!
Me: 39 H: 45 Second marriage for both H left 12/2013 M:4 T:5.5
I don't know the V-Day protocol yet. My wife is doing little things that appear to show she is trying (or just being more polite, not sure) and I appreciate her efforts so I've just bought her a couple of small, impersonal gifts. As for making it an event, I have an idea but am unsure of my own motivations about it yet so it's not concrete.
I'd say to figure out how you feel about your wife right now first. If you can see she's making an effort or you just appreciate her presence, show it. Just keep it low key. I'm handling my wife in a 'today is a bit of a nothing day but I'm glad you're here' kind of day. If there's no effort from her or you want to do something to score brownie points then give it a miss this year.
Me: 31, W: 29 T: 4 M: 2 Kids: 3 (SS: 7, SD: 4, D: 3) Separated, still living together: Nov 2013 Separate bedrooms: Feb 2014 W working away; kids with me: Nov 2014
Although, I did purchase my Wife a few things even though we are on a "trial separation". She is really into knitting so I bought her a few knitting supplies she mentioned the other day that she needed when she was knitting at the house and also a bag that she showed me that she really liked for knitting. Nothing majorly expensive, less than $40 and I would have bought her the items anyways even if it wasn't V-day. I'm just hoping this doesn't screw up the no pursing.
I am torn also about what to do. If we weren't S it would be easier, but this will be awkward this year. She even said she did not want to do Valentine's day or her B-day on the 25th.
I am probably going to write her a letter to her showing my support for her. At this point I think the separation can be a great growing experience for us.
The letter won't be pushy and my intent is not going to be the R, just validating her hurt, emotions, and letting her know she still has support from me.
I hope changing the delivery method for my message helps.
I know is the past that hand made gifts worked well for me. I made dance coupons because she loved to dance and I was not that good. I also did things that were just for her. Manicures, massages, etc.
Don't know your whole sitch or how your normal gifting was in the relationship, but roses and a card might feel like a bribe.
M:34 XW:34 Together: 10y Living: 9y Married: 7y Son:6 Son:4 Separated: 12/28/13 Piecing: 5/2/14 Separated 2nd: 10/16/14 W filed, but pulled it: 11/5/14 papers served: 1/27/15 D final: 3/6/15
Nooooo....please do not write a letter to your W at all. Your W has already checked out of the M and you cannot persuade her otherwise. Put away your pen.
Please re-read Sandi's Rules once again and burn all of them into your memory card.
