Still Together & Trying To Work It Out!

[Azagtoth]

How about "intimate" activities? Have you done anything to mix that up or try to start it up?

MrBond,

NO!!! "Intimacy" is off the table right now. I can't even try to initiate without getting pushed away. I can't even touch her in that way or with that intention. I get the occasional snuggle or hug; I get hugged / kissed in the morning leaving for work (that she initiates), but that's about it.

Right now, I am simply in some kind of "Friend Zone" for lack of a better term. We still do all the couple / family stuff I mentioned previously, but no intimacy as a couple. She still acknowledges me as her husband (to friends, on FB, still wear's rings, etc) and told the therapist she still respects me as her husband and as a man / the man of the house, but she, in her words "doesn't have those feelings" right now. Even though she is the one that said let's get a therapist (I gave her the choice), and she says she is 100% in for fixing / reconciling, she still states doesn't think those feelings will ever come back. I know this is typical for WAS script but it gets d@mn annoying! I mean really, if your 100% in and tell me & the therapist this, request additional therapy sessions, then what's up with all the d@mn negativity? If it wasn't for the attempt to reconnect in December & asking for more sessions, sometimes I feel like I am being placated. I get sick and tired of "I don't know" answers in MC and the I don't want to send "mixed-signals". I mean d@mn, if that's the way you feel; if you believe that, why is she still here? Why live like "room mates" in a sexless, loveless marriage when she could just get on with it, ya know? And it isn't money; we both make a decent living and are actually financial peers in our current positions. Only difference is I am retired military with pension & disability pay so, a bit extra coming in, but she could live comfortable on her own with her salary and pay all her own bills. So WTF???

The most I have gotten since Jan 5 was this last Saturday night. We went to dinner and went to a club to have drinks and socialize. When we got home, she changed into PJ's, but laid on the couch with a blanket instead of bed. In the past, this has been an indication she wanted to snuggle up for a while. I took a chance, and laid down beside her (didn't even ask). She was actually responsive but pushing up against me and having me wrap my arms all the way around her. I laid with her for a while (maybe and hour) then got up to get some coffee & have a cigar. Plus, was trying to follow the DB rule of breaking off the hug / contact before she does kind of thing. Anyway, after about an hour, I said I was going to bed and she opened her eyes, smiled and said, " I was waiting for you". Went to bed; I usually sleep on my side and she snuggled right up against me and put her arm around me. She does this often enough I take it for what it is.

It's a catch 22; sometimes I wonder if she is waiting for me to make a move (show my Alpha), but at the same time, she says she needs space / feels smothered and the therapist is telling me to back off.

She has an appt. with the therapist Thursday. She made this appt. after the conversation we had (you know, the one where you said I was talking to much ). Wife hugged & kissed me the following morning and said she was making the appointment. Therapist knows what we talked about; I text therapist on it and she confirmed wife made an appt with her! Maybe some of the stuff I/we said made her think....maybe not! Guess I will find out but the therapist told me good job planting those seeds so she can reinforce it in IC.

I am not sure how long I will last, but I know I am far from being done. All I can say is I have the retainer fee's and am getting a lawyer consult this week or next. We had a talk early on and she told me flat out that if things didn't work she would walk and leave me financially intact; no alimony or retirement payments to her. Not sure if I believe it but, I know my wife isn't vindictive so possible. Gonna see what legal has to say. I make almost 2 x as much annually as she does (counting retirement & disability); if she leaves me alone like she said, then I am more financially & professionally stable than she is so hoping I can get primary custody of D10. Will definitely fight for it! D10 will be D11 soon which means she is allowed to have a say which parent she wants to live with. I have no doubt she will pick me over wife any day of week and twice on Sunday!

As far as me; I am actually doing great. Loving my GAL hobbies & spending as much time with D10 as I can. D10 shares a couple of my hobbies and she is so attached to me; she's my shadow where ever I go! Any attention my wife doesn't want goes straight to D10 and our activities together and has given me a stronger bond with D10 than she has with wife! If wife doesn't want to go do anything, I just go myself and have a blast whatever I am doing!

I am going to be kind of honest at this point about something even the therapist doesn't know. Feel free to 2x4 me if you want but it is what it is! I love my wife to death, and I do want to reconcile, and don't really want anyone else! That being said, I got an ego-boost a few times recently that confirms I am still attractive and looked at with value. I have been hit on / approached by 3 women recently while I was out; 2 in their late 20's and one in mid thirties. There is a female that works in an adjacent department that has had a thing for me since I started working here. Apparently she has been "chomping at the bit" recently concerning me. I just found this out recently by two mutual friends that confirmed the same thing. All of these women are VERY attractive; the one at work has similar interests as me which is why I stay away from her; don't need that crap right now! However, this tells me there IS A LIFE after my wife if it happens to go that way. I don't feel so bad about it anymore. Once she has pushed me so far away; once I decide I am done, I will be done and never look back!

If I seemed to ramble, sorry; had to get some of that negative cr@p out here rather than hold it in!

Thanks for reading!


Azagtoth

[StilH2O]

It is really amazing how the WAW actions are almost identical from case-to-case.

From the "ILYBINILWY" to the "I don't have those feelings for you" to the "I don't know if I want this to work or not" to the "I don't want to send mixed messages"

It's like they have all read the same exact script and then done their own little variations on it.

[Azagtoth]

It is really amazing how the WAW actions are almost identical from case-to-case.

From the "ILYBINILWY" to the "I don't have those feelings for you" to the "I don't know if I want this to work or not" to the "I don't want to send mixed messages"

It's like they have all read the same exact script and then done their own little variations on it.

Correct! Same thing with people in MLC; all using variations of the same script. MLC & WAW script is so similar, literally using some of the same exact phrases is what threw me off initially; I thought she was having a mid-life. I pretty convinced she very well could be having a mild transition along with being a WAW.

Here's a few more:
- It's not you; it's me
- You should find someone that will love you
- You deserve better (<---i.e. I'm not good enough for you )



Azagtoth

[Azagtoth]

Ok... I have a question/concern and need an honest answer/opinion or two.

I'm seeing signs the wife may be starting to "warm up" again. I know they will run "hot & cold" so I am expecting this. Problem is, I am now very wary from what happened between December & January described previously in my thread.

I don't want to be used any more than the next person. If she decides to initiate sex for the sole purpose of physical release without any emotional commitment, I don't feel like I want any part of that. Not saying that she isn't acting at some emotional level, but without any kind of real commitment or connection, just doesn't seem right to me and it is something I feel strongly about.

I spoke to our therapist about this in IC; she said to try and go with it as to not reject or alienate her, but if I truly feel this way, then I do have the right to say no.

It's not that I don't desire my wife and have lost any of my love for her; it just doesn't feel right to me. Add in the fact I am on an SSRI and my libido is shot doesn't help.

I know some of the LBH's on here are going to think I am nuts, but, it is what it is.

So, I would like to hear from any of the WAW/AWAW crowd on this. Should I just bite the bullet on this and let her have what she wants, when she wants it, or is it ok to say no? What is the best way to deal with this?

Thanks.


Azagtoth

[unbidden]

Hi, Az, it's an interesting problem to have. My old DB coach would've said that the question of intimacy should be answered based upon how you'd feel afterwards. Would you feel used or angry? Then don't do it. Would you enjoy it and not overthink it? Then do it. Just don't have any expectations afterwards.

[Azagtoth]

Unbidden,

Thanks for the response; doesn't get much clearer than that as far as me / my feelings concerned. I don't expect anything more than what she gives and don't read into to it best I can. I wouldn't feel angry; but I would kind of feel used. Guess I'll cross that bridge when it comes time.

My only concern was whether or not she would understand my POV or if it would hurt her and our sitch more if she felt rejected, which wouldn't be my intention. Is giving in to sex just so they can satisfy their physical need and nothing else cake-eating & doormat behavior?

She had an IC appointment this morning; I know the Therapist was going to work on the issues her and I discussed last week. We'll see how things go after.


Azagtoth

[Azagtoth]

Just some journaling:

Well I had to cross that bridge this weekend.....

Everything has still been pretty good as far as her and I getting along. Been working on some home & upcycling projects with her; she has been very receptive to my input and ideas.

She had a therapist appt last Thursday; she said it went "really well". Therapist text me later that afternoon. Told me I "had nothing to worry about" and she wanted to see me this Thursday and then would arrange for our next MC session the following week or two.

Saturday night was eventful. D10 spent the night with a friend so wife asked if we could go to dinner & some drinks (she beat me to the punch, but that's ok).

On the way there, I noticed it appeared she was holding back some tears. I asked her if she was OK? She said she was, but I could tell she was upset. A little bit later she stated she was still unhappy. I validated; understood she felt that way and was there anything she wanted to talk about or could I help. She said she was scared that she was just setting herself up for another 20 years of the same. I asked her if she meant that things would slip back into old/bad habits the way they were before. She said Yes. I validated; understood she was afraid of that and didn't blame her for those thoughts. I assured her things would not be that way again, but, to take her time and process everything at her pace; my feelings have not changed and I would support her however she needed but continue to give space as required.

Dinner was good; went to local establishment for some drinks. Not a lot of conversation and I could tell she was in deep thought (she wasn't even on her iPhone that much which is a switch). I just let her have her thoughts with a bit of small talk here and there.

We got home and went to bed to watch some TV. I was dozing a bit when I got a couple of little nudges from her which is her way for indicating she wants some attention / intimacy. I asked if she was feeling a little frisky and got that coy, bashful look with a "I don't know...maybe..."! I put my arms around and snuggled her a bit and she looked me in the eyes, got serious and said "I really want to, but I don't want to blur any lines. I enjoy sex with you and you are the only man I want to have sex with but, things aren't "fixed" yet and it's not fair for you when there aren't feelings attached to it". I was kind of surprised by this but she seemed very genuine and sincere about it. I decided to take it face value and her being up front. I told her I was still her husband and she was my wife; irrelevant of her "feelings" we were obviously still a comfort for each other so it was no issue and I would accept and enjoy it with her with no other expectations. We ML and snuggled after and went to sleep.

Yesterday (Sunday) I encouraged her to get out with her friend to check out a shopping area they had been discussing; got her out the door by 930 am which left me free to finish some projects while D10 was out playing with friends. Wife got home within a couple hours; said the place wasn't what it was cracked up to me but shared her experience and details. She stated she needed to go get a few things and she needed to get back out because her "mind was racing". I could tell she was in thought again. I just told her to go do what she needed but try to slow her mind and be careful while she was out. She said she would, thanked & kissed me, and went on her way. She was in a much better mood when she came back a couple hours later and we actually had a good evening together; I fixed dinner and we talked about various things going on with each other. She didn't get to sleep until well after midnight. I had to get up and let the dogs out; asked why she was still up....she said she just couldn't sleep. I said ok and let it go. Once I came back up and laid back down, she scooted next to me and went to sleep.

This morning, she was in a good mood and talkative; good kiss when she went out the door. Been texting me on and off all day!

I really try not to analyze anything anymore; just be upbeat and go with the flow, GAL. She appears to be getting warm again as I expected; think maybe the therapist gave her something to think about. With her acknowledging being afraid things will slip back to old / bad habits and the mental processing she has been doing the last 48 hours looks like she might be in some decision-making mode.

Who knows; I am sure I'll know soon enough!


Azagtoth

[Azagtoth]

UPDATE....Need some help / advice from the experienced here. If someone can get one of the AWAW's to come over and look at this I would appreciate it; This is the most she has told me and I am at a loss to even begin to understand!

I belong to a MLC forum as well so I copied from there. It is my belief I have a WAS/MLC combo going here. We have legit marriage problems but some of this stuff is nuts!

Just to recap, my wife is still at home and never left. Never asked for D. Asked / Agreed to therapy (MC/IC) back in November.

Ok....this will be a long one so hang on....

In November, I questioned about a FB friend; I had caught the message traffic between them. I was told he was a friend from school. She had shared our marital problems with him, but at the time I didn't see anything flirty from her; it was simply talk but she was sharing personal info. She got agitated and blocked me from FB (I can only see what she wants me to see or posts we send to each others timeline). That was no issue; I have the ability to track things so I kept an eye on it for a bit. It appeared in December they broke off chatting and I didn't see him in friends anymore.

Fast Forward to last Thursday afternoon. My male intuition was telling me something was up. She had moved back towards me within last couple weeks and was even wanting some physcial intimacy. I get that odd feeling so I took a look. Now, before you all thrash me for spying, understand, I hadn't looked in about 3 months. It was intuition and my intent was to protect my family from devastation and since she is there, protect us from her and her from herself.

What I saw floored me but I was expecting it. Wasn't totally sexual, but full blown EA flirting. Apparently he travels and they were planning a link up initiated by wife. G*d D****t! Ok....so I took screen shots and saved them and made immediate appointment with therapist. I told her what I knew and she calmed me down and helped me focus. Asked what my deal-breakers were and we planned a course of action. I told her I felt I was obligated to my family and to my wife to stop her from making a huge mistake. She told me to sit on it for a couple days and if the time was right, approach her calmly or bring her in and we would do it together. Therapist was actually surprised when I told her.

Tuesday evening I checked it again and there was even more talk and heavy flirting. Took more chronological pics. Well, wife just happened to call me and she could tell something was up so I confronted. I calmly asked her what was going on. After some hesitation she admitted it. She initially got pissed and accused spying; I told her I agreed, I was spying, but asked her to put herself in my shoes and what we have been through and could she blame me. She started crying and said no; she wasn't mad and understood why I had done it.

She had a meeting at work to attend; I know this was fact and she wasn't hooking up, so we talked twice while she was driving there and back and then when she got home. She text me after the first call and said "Sorry I keep hurting you!" . I told her just to call back and come home, everything would be ok, and we would talk about it. Here are the facts of the conversation; she was all over the place and some wired sh!t came out and then she rebuffed some:


Car phone convo items:

- First said she wants out, then says she really wants to make the marriage work; is/was hoping the therapist could help her but admitted she hasn't opened up. She likes the therapist and likes to talk to her but afraid she will share information before she is ready. I assured her she tells me nothing. I told her I had already talked the therapist (she was advising/coaching me through text and my home phone during this process) and we agreed I would back out; no more MC and no more IC for me right now; it was all for her. She cried and said that wasn't fair to me but I told her I was OK with it; that I am more concerned for her well-being as her friend more than her spouse. She said OK.

- She said she is so confused she doesn't know what to do. She is afraid she will do something that will really hurt me; says she is so F**cked up in the head and She is so sorry to hurt me and I deserve so much better than her; she doesn't believe she can be a good wife to me! Says she can't give up the "scorecard" and forget the past. She wants to and is trying. Says she sees I am a good husband, good father and a good man. There is nothing wrong with me. She doesn't understand why I don't hate her....I have been so nice and understanding when she feels I should have dumped her....wished I would just throw her out....doesn't want to be the "bad guy" (projection?). She doesn't mean too but she said she just feels like she needs all this attention. It is just a game to her; She would never cheat on me and hurt me like that. She said he doesn't mean anything to her and she doesn't want him and doesn't care about him. She isn't looking for someone else; doesn't know what she wants or out of a marriage. What if she could be happy with someone else? She doesn't want to break up the family; she doesn't want to hurt the kids; she doesn't want to hurt me!

- Said when I asked her about him at the time, there wasn't any flirting; she was just talking. The flirting developed afterword. She contacted him about the same time as EA #1; April 2013 (year ago) so if what she says is true, this has been a true EA for about 3-4 months (flirting & plan prep-wise) but the friendly connection was there for a year.

***I threw some truth darts out there:

- sure she could go try to find someone else; its her choice and she could roll the dice, but what if she craps out? She has a solid secure life and a family and husband that cares for her and loves her and she has a good career herself. Can she guarantee she could find that again? How would her lifestyle change? How would it affect everyone around her? She pondered and agreed it would be devastating and there were no guarantees; confused on what she really wants / needs.

- What do you really know about him? (swears she hasn't linked up with him and hasn't physically seen him in 26 years). She only knows his good side that he is projecting. He already failed his first marriage, but why? She only has his side of the story, and what he tells her; not the full story from the ex-spouse. Like-wise, he doesn't really know her, only the good things she tells him; and he doesn't know me at all or my POV. She agreed; she said what I am saying is true and she only see's the good side & feelings of the attention.

- I told her irreverent whether the flirting was just game, she was getting an emotional fix again. I told her she cannot put us through this again; I won't tolerate it. She agreed she wants to work on us and herself, but she hasn't given it a true chance because she is searching externally for her needs and she has not been truthful with me or the therapist. Sh has done nothing bu be secretive, lie and deceive not only us, but herself. She agreed that was true; she hadn't opened up like she should have or tried to allow me to meet those needs.


Convo once she got home (some of this is nuts):

- She sat down beside me; I asked how she was and if she was ready to talk. She said she wasn't sure; she was nrevous and scared. I told her she "was in the safest place she could be with the safeest person she could be with. I am not mad at you, I just want to understand and help you and support you". We had some more convo the same as above. Admitted she is unhappy; I said don't answer this but just think: Are you even happy with yourself? You can't be happy with anyone else unless you are happy with yourself first. You can't be loved, unless you allow someone to love you and love yourself. Depending on someone else for that happiness is not healthy and won't solve any of her issues.

- Out of the blue, she said "Can we have an open marriage?". Well, that took me by surprise, but I kept calm and applied some truth darts. Told her I couldn't "share" her with other men; I don't believe in that! Could she really live that kind of lifestyle; what would that be teaching our kids and people around us? Could she really picture me with another woman and deep down be ok with that; it might look good for her wants, but what about me giving myself to other women? Is that really what marriage is about; is that really morally correct and is she really that type of person? She thought for a minute and said no, you are right. She doesn't even know why she said that. She swore again she had never cheated (and I still have no evidence) but sometimes she wants to have sex with other men. She said it isn't for the sex; its for the connection. But then went on to say she enjoys sex with me, still wanted sex with me and only really wanted sex with me. I was pretty boggled; still wondering where that sh!t came from.

- Admitted she had talked to a lawyer last year but never retained her and never filed; she couldn't do it. She said they talked very specific; she didn't want anything from me; no alimony, no partial retirement and said D10 could decide who she wanted to live with and knew D10 would pick me. But she doesn't want to talk about that because not what she wanted.

- She asked me to do the break-up with the FB guy; I should have made her to do it, but I did it anyway....hope that wasn't wrong move; I think she was ashamed because I told her if it was just a game to her, then she was leading him on and provoking a sexually charged atmosphere. Did she really think he would travel 2500 miles for a smile and a handshake? I reminded her I am a man; I know how we think; If I traveled that far I would be looking for a booty call! I asked her is that what she was really looking for and wanted? She said know; she could never do that. She sat beside me and watched me type it. I don't remember my exact words but told him the game was over, NO CONTACT ever again and if he ever came around I would protect my family at all cost and he has been warned. I also through in some moral stuff; what kind of man does this with another man's wife knowing her situation. He was taking advantage of her; he was only concerned for himself and what he wanted and not looking at the big picture; the family he was about to destroy and devastate and was acting with a narcissistic personality; he should really take a look in the mirror and his own moral ethics. Doubt it did any good, but, wife read it and agreed; she said you are totally correct about him! She should look in the mirror but I didn't say it!

- This is the tough part, this is where I lost my cool and I think her true feelings came out. Something came up about OM #1 and she let it out that NC had been broken by him periodically; he would email and ask how she was. I didn't quite hear it correct; I was calm, but livid. I told her once again, lies and betrayal. I couldn't believe this; it seems every time her mouth moves its a lie (nice MLC plug there I guess). She says she didn't do it; he emailed her. I said did you respond; she said yes; I said THAT is breaking no contact. She started crying. At this point, I removed my wedding band and tossed it on the bed; I told her I loved her and cared for her deeply but I had enough. At least I could say that I never went outside my marriage and betrayed her. She might as well take those wedding rings off because obviously they stood for nothing. Which room did she want; main or spare room; no sense in playing house anymore right? She could have everything; i didn't care; just leave me alone and ask for nothing. She was still crying; said "no baby, please don't....please don't do this" "This is not what I want....don't be this way" "I didn't mean to....please don't do this!" At this point she completely broke down and sobbed; covered her face in her hands and just kept saying she was so sorry for hurting me and doing all of this over and over again. Call me a sucker but once the tears start flowing I can't help but soften. I put my band back on (she never took hers off; actually held her right hand around it the whole time, like I was going to take it from her. I put my arms around her to comfort her; told her to calm down and breathe; everything would be OK and I wasn't giving up yet! Sorry I got upset! She had a death squeeze on me the whole time and just kept repeating she was sorry!

After everything calmed down, We talked a little more (can't remember it all). She asked and hoped I was still her friend. I assured her I was more her friend now than ever and was very concerned for her. I was more concerned for her physical & mental well-being than ever (as a side, she has lost so much weight this last year; she is aging fast; I looked at some pictures from a year ago and it's so obvious it scares me).

Then, she asked me if we could still be sexual; maintain our physically intimate bond. She still wanted that with me and she only wanted it with me. She said she is aroused almost every day (prolly from the flirting BS) and she still wants me in that way but was always afraid I would assume things were "fixed". I told her as long as she was monogamous and never strayed, I would not reject her or deny her that need or the physical bond with me but, I would never force that on her or pressure her. The last time we had ML was about 3 days prior. (probably allowing some cake-eating here so will have to be on alert).

She said she was so glad we finally talked like this. She wants everything to be open; she wants to be completely open with me and me to her. Wants to talk more often like this. I told her we could and I was willing as long as its all truthful. She asked if I would have sex with her :o, so I did ::). One thing I have noticed; we don't do anything sexually we haven't done in the past; except some new things I introduced and she was very receptive. However, she wants it to be VERY aggressive, like how we were when we got married; she wants me to be completely Alpha Male and dominate her in bed. When I do this, she responds / reciprocates back perfectly as I would expect, rather than just do the deed. We snuggled p to sleep after.

Yesterday, we had some text talk and I sent her some very open and honest feelings. When it came to our physical connection, I was very blunt about how much I desired her and how she made me feel. The response was positive and I could tell she wasn't expecting it. Last night, we had idle chit-chat but I didn't push anything. I could tell she was very tired and the guilt was on her face so I let it be.

This morning, she really couldn't look at me and wasn't receptive; maybe OM #2 loss starting already. She did kiss me goodbye and said she wants to talk some more tonight so we will see how that goes. I still have some unanswered questions about OM #2. There are inconsistencies in the thread; like she was following up thoughts after a phone conversation. Swears she hadn't when I first busted her on the phone. But in the end, says she wants to be completely honest, and will answer if I simply ask her. I'll approach it care and see what I get when I present the inconsistencies.

I followed up on everything with therapist through text so she has something to work with. I told her I know it has nothing to do with these guys and my wife admitted its not about them; its her and she admitted she needs to talk with the therapist a lot one-on-one. Therapist believes she not only is having a personal crisis, but may be having some serious hormonal problems and is definitely depressed. She is going to discuss this in detail with her and try to convince her to get on some medication to feel better.

That's it for now. I can definitely see the personal issues but don't know what they are and don't understand; probably never will until she is ready to talk and figure it out for herself. I really believe she doesn't want to go anywhere, she is just so confused and messed up right now. The fact that she can even identify and admit she has personal issues is huge right now in my opinion. She is suppose to make an appointment with therapist for tomorrow. I'll gently find out if she did. Don't want to push; but I am so concerned.


My Actions:

Since she seems to need this attention I am going to up the texting a little; be a little mysterious & flirty; see how she responds to it. This would be a 180 for me as I am not into the texting games so I'll see what happens. Maybe I can get her to have an "affair" with me!


Azagtoth

[MrBond]

I don't understand what kind of advice you're looking for.

First of all, there's no such thing as an MLC/WAS combo. Having a WAS is a result of the MLC. One is just the by product of the other.

Second, forget about the "alpha" cr@p. I mentioned before that you should increase the intimacy and that's what she was looking for. She wants to "feel" something and usually that something is the passionate feelings she had when you two were first dating. She wants that HIGH which is why she had the other two men. She's just running off on emotion. It's great short term, but those feelings don't last. That's when MC is needed at that point and not before.

[Azagtoth]

MrBond,

Thanks for the reply. I guess I have been viewing MLC & a WAW as two different things; wasn't grasping how they are connected but I get what you are saying now. She just spewed so much crap out all at once; some of it was off the wall and way out of character and she talked in circles. I wasn't able to digest or make any sense of it. You are correct on the running emotions!

Yes, I have been attempting to increase intimacy. She has been wanting to talk to me a lot, about anything and everything! This is her way of connecting; mentally & emotionally through sharing! I have also been involved with her; spending QT and sharing our interests together. She is just now starting to open up with everything so I am letting her lead, listening and validating her feelings.

"Alpha" is just my way of describing being the leader in the relationship/bedroom which appears to be what she wants. Bad choice of words / description. Passionate is the word you used...and I agree....that's exactly what it was like in the beginning and that's how it seems to be recently!

We were doing the MC, but after what has happened, I spoke to the therapist and she suggested we put MC on hold and let her work IC with my wife exclusively. My therapist is very pro-marriage and has worked with couples far worse than we are. She said Wife needs to work through her issues first and need to give wife the security of having our therapist to herself for now so she feels safe to talk to her. Wife agreed and said she would feel comfortable with that and wants to continue seeing her for IC.

We cooled for past couple of days (to give her some space and not push) and then I get a text this morning "We haven't talked that much, huh?". I responded we could talk about anything anytime and it opened the flood gates; been going all morning. She wants to pillow talk tonight as well!


Azagtoth