Update

[hoper]

A bit of this and that..

So stumbled upon a book.. Leadership and self - deception..h got it during a training seminar ..
May be others on the same lines mentioned here across resources..
The book talks about about boxes people build around themselves and then feel justified and self righteous about their actions .. Being judgmental..
So the book took me back in time where most certainly I had drawn a box around myself .. Living with an Mlc mil and very low on esteem H did not help me either..
The book talks about how we push others or get pushed in these boxes too..

So my inability to have a baby or the Mlc house people or both changed me as a person ...lack of control and I gather now some depression just made me go along with 'feelings' rather than actions ... I was unaware of this happening to me ..
Kinda Mlc as felt I was right and the world wrong most of the time .. A bit snooty and also did not consider any one else's opinion too much..

And so obviously this could be good for any marriage let alone with someone already struggling with esteem issues..

So here I am .. A bit wiser ..

Post coming back for ow city h chose not to go for a wedding commitment ... Citing tiredness..
He was Very upset that s wanted to go for a sleepover on the day he gets back .. Though did not call for a long time when he was there the minute I changed my profile pic on what's app he calls ..

Takes both s and me out when he is back ..
No pursuit by me yet on any front whatsoever ever..

For the first time just tries to hold my hAnd at night .. I pretend to sleep ..
God knows whether he too just did so in his sleep ..

Take care my busters..
All here have been so comforting , accepting , admonishing rightly so .. Site Feels like another mum to run back to..
Happy Mother's Day all

[hoper]

Hello bravehearts,

Well we are going on a vacation..

he asked ..in a casual way/.. he plans to run his second international marathon ...thinking S's school dates may clash with the vacation he was not so serious ...

however we both thought this would be great for S.
so the planning stage gets interesting , fun and exciting..
he seems very excited.

seeing my excitement did tell me this trip is only for our S and don't read anything more into it.almost told him go to hell... who the hell wants to vacation with him anyway..dont do that though. .

Then during planning our itinerary says lets avoid this city,. we can plan it during our next trip..
says my name more often, looks more into my eyes..
though does not do anything special on my birthday..

buys me a personal gift on an official trip abroad..

i just ignored the message and didnt comment either ways on it

so along the last few months he is evidently more centered ..hardly texting at home that is..
ow was hospitalized recently.. didnt rush to her city on a pretend work trip.
though just before we leave he has work in ow city..
makes it a point to talk about his meetings details..making it evident its a work trip..

has not yet told me specifically about commitment..
Right now things are the best they have ever been in the last 5 years so .. so very grateful for that ...

but do want him to be more vocal about his actions..


do i ask him ?

take care

[hoper]

Hello everyone,

SO finally after 2 years he wished me a Happy Anniversary..
Things are moving slowly and steadily.

Though the vacation was not at all that i hoped for.. We pretty much did our own thing..

I had completely stopped LM all this while.
After we get back the stress is unbearable as I had great expectations from this vacation on account of the planning.

Early one morning he is out for his run. He is late and I needed to speak with him. I call and his phone is busy for the next 10 min.

When he calls back i lose it and snap.

later in the afternoon he keeps sending me silly irrelevent messages.

I text him back saying i need to talk with him. He calls back back saying go ahead.

I tell him I am upset about his phone being busy at odd hours and the fact that he didn't return the call.

He says that he talks to friends as he dosent get time later on and that there is nothing to it and that rarely happens.

Regarding us he says all i will say look at us 2 years back and compare it to right now.

HE says ' My head was all fogged up and i couldn't think clearly'. So lets take this slowly.. if u want let us go for counseling.

Post that my niece's divorce has gone through and had had a situation with my S. So life's been so busy . WE did manage a weekend holiday.

i always wondered even if we do make it how fractured and awkward our conversations would be though oddly things move to very bad to pretty OK very swiftly.

Peace and Happiness to you,