Calling for quick help from the boards: Who has experience with the Beyond Last Resort technique? and I welcome your thoughts on cake-eating in general and when and how it time to put a stop to it.
I am ready to approach the walk-away spouse and tell him: I set you free - if you want a divorce, you have it. It has only been just short of 4 months since bomb drop, but in that short time, he moved out, slept with other woman together with my kids in his apartment "because he wanted them to meet her", and now OW has moved in with him. He likes to hint at how much fun they are all having to me and avoids all serious alone discussions, so that I never know these things are occurring until after they've happened. Now he is about to be laid off and other woman already was. I've seen a lawyer, who thinks I should file for divorce immediately. I have been calm in all post-BD discussions - well, some tears, but no screaming. But he is running extremely fast and it is like he wants me desperately to hear that he wants out with no going back. After much discussion with friends and soul-searching, I think I am about ready to be willing to give that - to say, if you want me, I love you, I am here. But if you don't want to be with me, you go do what you need to do. I am willing to set you free.
Experiences or advice from the vets and the boards?
M 20 yrs me 47 H 51 s11 d8
BD 10/8/13 H Moved out 11/30/13 OW slept over with children Dec '13 OW moved in w/H Jan '14
How is he cake-eating in this situation? As far as letting him go and getting a D, well, make sure that is what you want to do, and not what everyone else wants you to do.
I realize you are very new to the world of MLC and walkaways and this forum, but please keep to one thread at a time. It makes it easier for us to follow your situation, as well as a good way to document what you are going through and you can refer back to your threads at a later time. You can change your subject line within a thread so that others will see it.
Now, I'll try to respond here, but will then go back and link this thread to your current one.
The first thing you to need to do is breathe! You have absolutely no control over what he's doing right now. Yes, he's running fast and furious because he thinks that your relationship was/is the problem. He's running because he wants to end the relationship w/you because he thinks the grass is greener over on the other side of the fence.
If you are going to have a discussion w/him, be prepared that if you give him an ultimatum, he will choose the easiest route and that would be w/the ow. If you are absolutely certain that you are ready to end your marriage, then move forward. Right now, he's in his own little selfish, self absorbed world of "me, me, me". Let me just say this, if his life was all happy and fun, he wouldn't have to tell you. A lot of times, they tell us this stuff so that we become miserable and unhappy, but I can assure you, once the euphoria wears off, the routine settles in, etc., he's going to find that life isn't a bowl full of wonderful, sweet cherries.
Actually talking to him won't do a bit of good because conversations go in one ear and out of the other. The best way to get them to "hear" you is by actions. Actions always speak louder than words. If you threaten divorce, you better be ready to file because if you don't, he'll know you are bluffing.
Bottom line, you have to protect your assets and take care of yourself and your children. If filing means that you are going for child and spousal support because he's not paying, etc., then you will need to do so. There's nothing wrong w/filing when it comes to support issues. Watch your accounts, document any and all spending he does, if it's coming out of joint accounts.
The advice that we provide here for MLCers and walkaways will be the same, leave them alone, no relationship talks, focus on you and your children, protect your assets and finances, etc. and learn to live your life as if he may never return. Bottom line, you need to decide what is best for you. If you are ready to file, then file...you don't need to advise him unless you are hoping to change his mind...btw, it won't because you will be doing the dirty work for him.
It's your call as to what you want to do...but actions do speak louder than words.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Correction to poster's name: dxw689. Sorry about that!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
