What do i do now

[istherehopeintx]

My store begins with a incident before I married my current wife that i spent a weekend with a different woman and she found out about it. At the time we were not married but 6 months later we did get married, but she keep a open clause that she had a free-be coming due to my weekend i had before we got married. Well you know where this is going as 2 years ago she did have an affair which it took her 3 months to tell me about and once she did she would not tell me anything about it at all other then it happened.

We both agreed we wanted to work on the marriage and try and fix it so I asked if marriage counseling would be ok and she said no. Her reason for this is because she felt it would be a bash session against her so I went by myself to get personal counseling. I went for about 5 weeks before I had to stop going due to it was causing more issues then it helped me with. Now i wish i would just have ended it then as we are now seperated with what she is is a 99% chance of us not getting back together.

We still talk and she says she is not in a rush to get a divorce but I really dont know what to do. I still have feelings for her and love her but dont know if I could ever trust her again. I have days where I am really happy and then days that I really struggle. So i really dont know what do, should i go ahead and file or wait and see what happens?

[KarenR]

I am sorry you are in this situation. I know how difficult it is. Please don't give up hope, as there is help available. Not all therapists are created equal and I am sorry your's was not helpful. Please call me to discuss talking to a DB coach. Your coach will help you decide the best way to approach your wife to get things on the right track, and not rehashing and replaying the same issues over and over. Take good care and I would look forward to talking to you.

[MrBond]

Have you read DB or DR?

[Starsky309]

My store begins with a incident before I married my current wife that i spent a weekend with a different woman and she found out about it. At the time we were not married but 6 months later we did get married, but she keep a open clause that she had a free-be coming due to my weekend i had before we got married.

Wow. She actually communicated that to you at the time? A "hey, I'm going to cheat on you someday and you can't say anything about it because you already did it, too" threat?


Starsky

[istherehopeintx]

I have not read DB or DR but have looked into getting DB from the local book store. As far as her saying she had a free-bee, yes she did say that at the time. If she actually meant it or not she reminded me several times through out the years of our marriage that she still had a free-bee. Now if it was a threat or not i dont know but again she reminded me that it was there.