I know this is very small sounding..but so big for me!! H called ME last night..I was in bathroom and it took a few rings to answer and he asked why it took so long..not in a nasty way..just a curious way.. He asked if I had the food to take to his mothers today and he was going to come over in the morning to finish the border in our bathroom that I got stuck on..he then asked if he could bring his laundry..I responed as I did last time "of course..you don't have to ask"..he said "I only ask in case you are doing laundry..then I would not bring it".
He did come by this a.m. finished the border..did some laundry, then went to his moms to do some yard work and eat.
That's about it..I still hope each time that he might bring something up about US..but he does not, and as I said before I am afraid to ask for fear I won't like the answer.. I hope I will know when the time has come for the r talk..in order for both of us to move on...Sometimes I think it is so comfy that we don't need to talk..other times I realize that this can't be rushed...it might be another 6 mos, it might be a year...
Quoting Sue: I don't know where to go from here..we seem to be content for now..is it enough..or just easier..I want more..am I too impatient??
We seem content or he seems content? The rest of your question seem to lead that you are not content, at least not all the time. On the other hand, you seem to find solace in how you are spending time together with H. If that works to ward off the times you are not content, then go with it. It is possible too, it having the same effect of your H. If H continues to get more comfortable being around you, it could draw him closer.
Quoting Sue: and as I said before I am afraid to ask for fear I won't like the answer..
This past weekend, I can so relate to that sentiment. My W wouldn't say what was really on her mind, but left the door open for me to ask. I just couldn't bring myself to go there. I had a sense that it would have had a finality about it if I asked. It was the invitation she was waiting for to bear her feelings as they are now, which seemed would have led to her admitting the death knell to M. I just couldn't go there ... clinging to a (false?) glimmer of hope that if she continues to hold on, she might be able to see things differently again.
Quoting Sue: I feel like I don't belong here..
Nonsense! We all seek the help of one another to get us thru the times of turmoil. Sue, you seem to have a better grasp of keeping yourself firmly grounded. I have always admired that about you. Wish I could only help more, but always know, I keep thoughts of wishing the best would come your way.
But, there is no rule about having only a thread in only one forum. Perhaps, placing a thread over in "Hopefulness" as well as here would help in getting more exposure with more people that may be in a similar sitch as yours.
You don’t have the daily problems that others are facing. That’s true. You have your problems, and they are not insignificant.
Don’t know if I ever pointed you there before, but I’m gonna give you a link to a very old thread of mine. It’s one of my pet peeves that people think that someone else’s problems are bigger than their own, ipso-facto, their problems aren’t worth other people’s attention.
Quoting hoping: I still hope each time that he might bring something up about US..but he does not, and as I said before I am afraid to ask for fear I won't like the answer.. I hope I will know when the time has come for the r talk..in order for both of us to move on...Sometimes I think it is so comfy that we don't need to talk..other times I realize that this can't be rushed...it might be another 6 mos, it might be a year...
There’s a good foundation for your fear. Once something is verbalized, it is very hard to take back. Your caution is a very good thing. At the same time, caution requires patience, and having to be patient for so many things, and for so long is frustrating.
It is a testament to your strength that you can remain patient through so much frustration.
And you will know when it’s time for an OR talk. When you can perceive a certain amount of receptiveness in your H, it’ll be time. And when it finally does happen, you may still not get the reaction you’d hoped for. Edging into OR talks often brings a knee-jerk reaction from the SO. Sober second thought sets in later, so when it happens, and if you get a negative reaction, don’t fret.
In the mean time, comfy isn’t so bad. Not great, but until you and your H are ready to go out of your comfort zone, try to relax and be comfy.
Whew...Andy you brought tears to my eyes and a new respect for myself..Thank you...we really should be thankful for the good that is our lives.I know things have been extremly difficult for you recently, but I feel that you have a peace and strength about yourself and that God is watching over you and your family.
KAW..as usual you are always here with some attitude boosting. I feel deep down that things are going in a positive direction...but the pesimist that I am scares me into thinking that I on;ly feel this way because I don't want to face trye reality that it may not end up this way. But..I am going to go with what I have...Andy made me look real deep into myself and my thoughts.
I was kinda down yesterday besides having a cough that keeps me up half the night, a classmate of d20 died from a alchohol related car accident after her sisters wedding reception sat night..the driver was the grooms brother, and he and the girls boyfriend came out with scratches..even though she was not a close friend, my d was shaken..she said even when this happens do you think it will make others stop and think before driving, I said to some it might, others no. She said the driver has to live with this the rest of his life..how true. How sad for parents to have a joyous event of your d getting married, only to bury the other a week later. It makes me very thankful that my only troubles right now are my m.
I did call h after I got to work and told him he needed to sign a copy of tax return for dd school loan stuff...he works only a block away, so I said I would run it over..he came out and was just smiling his smile..was it for me..who knows..he seemed to want to linger after he signed it, I did ask him if he was going to my nieces graduation party(my sister is the one who has bad mouthed him)he said he was planning on it, but I had not told him the time...boy will those relatives of mine be shocked to see me with him..as they also are the ones who have "assumed" they know all the circumstances..I know I sound like I want to show them a thing or two, and part of me does, the other part has been to let it go.
At church Sunday h also sought me out and gave me a smile..something he has not done in a long time.
Thanks for coming by...things seem too good...I called h this afternoon and left message asking if I could have some $ for graduation gifts. He called back about an hour later..asked why I had not called him at work..I said it was a litle after 5 and thought he might be home..he said his machine said the call was at 4..he never changed it with time change....hmmm he's asking me why i did not call him at work!!! Of course he said he would give me the $, I also said that I did not like to ask him for more..he puts half his paycheck in our account for me..I then told him that I just realized that I am still maintaining our home and all expenses on half of what we used to, and thought I was dong pretty good(I have a tendency to spend too much)he actually said you are doing very well..hmm another compliment..while talking s started making homemade pizza, wondered if he was coming over..h said well..maybe...but don't wait for him..he had to work on the bible study he is leading this Sunday..I just replied ok..another time, see ya tomorrow.The old me would have sounded pouty...Well..I went out and sat on deck..guess who came over..and he unfolded a chair and sat down for a few minutes...something he has not done with me for over a year.Sooooo needless to say I am on cloud ninety nine..but I have to remind myself not to expect too much. He really enjoys talking about all the adventures and new things at church..he is going on the youth trip this summer..I told him great...old me would have pouted.
I know I have gone on and on..I hope it is ok to share all the good things that happen too.
